drinking! Just a few beers.â
âPardon me if I donât get the distinction.â
âYou mind your own business.â
âIt is my business. Youâre scaring the girls.â
âIâm not scared,â Danielle sneered, throwing down her pencil.
âTheyâre not scared,â Daddy said. âCome here, Polly. Youâre not scared of me, are you?â
He got her giggling. Erica butted her head against him until he tickled her, too.
âDaddy, do you mind? Weâre doing some studying so the girls wonât be so behind in school.â
âFor Godâs sake, Mary, will you relax? You sound like an old lady. Thereâs plenty of time for the girls to catch up. Weâre still on summer vacation.â
Ericaâs head was on his knee. She turned toward me and stuck out her tongue.
âIâll tell you one thing,â I tell Rocky, âIâm not having any kids.â
Weâre leaning against a log on the beach, watching the thick green waves roll in.
âEver?â
âMaybe.â
âDonât you like your sisters?â
âYeah, but once you have kids, youâre not free anymore.â
âYour parents are free. They go where they want.â
âNo they donât. They just go.â
Iâm plunking out chords; Mama bought me new strings. Rockyâs cutting up an apple with his pocketknife. He pops a slice into my mouth.
He says, âIâd like to see my brother. I hope heâs doing okay.â
âYou could call him.â
âNo money.â
âYou could call collect.â
âThey donât like that,â he says, meaning the foster parents who took them in when their mother left. One day when he and Bobby came home from school, her clothes were gone. Sheâd left the rest; there wasnât much to take. It was a shock, Rocky said, but no surprise. He fixed supper for Bobby and they went to bed. They thought she might come back. She had before.
This time she didnât, and she didnât call. After a while, the school found out. They had an uncle in town but he didnât want them, so the county placed them in a foster home. At least they got to stay together. When he was fourteen, Rocky walked away. He didnât need to run, he said; no one was coming after him.
âWhyâd you leave?â
âI donât know.â He hands me another slice of apple. âIt wasnât like they whipped us or anything. It was just kind of nothing. Their duty, you know, and the county gave them money for having us. At Christmas theyâd give us these teeny little toys; then weâd sit there and watch their real kids open all these presents. Bikes and things. They always bought us used clothes. The bigger I got, the less I fit in there. Soon as I can, Iâll have Bobby with me.â
âDoes he like it there?â
âHe says he does. The last time I called he only talked a minute; then he wanted to watch TV.â
âKids are weird.â I light a cigarette.
âWhy do you do that?â
âSmoke, you mean? Because Iâm a stupid idiot.â
âNo, really.â
âReally. Thatâs the reason.â I exhale poison, enveloping Rocky and me. I stink.
âSo why do you do it?â
âIâm nervous, I guess. Anyway, it gives me something to do with my hands besides strangle my father.â
âHe seems real nice.â
âHe used to be.â
âPeople change,â Rocky agrees.
âEspecially him.â
âMy mother changed, but not a lot. She always said she didnât like kids. I donât know why she had us.â
âJust did, probably.â
âBut after she had me, she mustâve known she didnât want any more, so whyâd she have Bobby?â
âAdults do lots of stupid things. Whereâs your father?â
âLos Angeles, I think. He left before Bobby was born. He and my
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