just reason it out for yourself, sir. Suppose it had been raining that night and she had stayed at home. Suppose, just as he was putting on his boots, a couple of his pals had dropped in on him and taken him off to the pub to play darts. What follows? The bloke-who-shot-the-Emperor's father would never have met the bloke-who-shot-the-Emperor's mother, so there wouldn't have been any bloke to shoot the Emperor, so there wouldn't have been any war, so there wouldn't have been any lipsticks, so the young lady next door wouldn't have had one to write on your bathroom wall with, ’
'Steward,' said Monty.
'Sir? ’
‘ You may not know it,' said Monty, speaking with some difficulty, 'but you're trying me a little high.'
'I'm sure I'm very sorry to hear that, sir. I was merely pointing out the strange and wonderful workings - ’
'I know.' Monty passed a hand across his forehead. 'But don't. Do you mind?'
'Not at all, sir. ’
'I'm a little upset, steward.'
‘ You do seem a little upset, sir. ’
‘ Yes. You see, I'm engaged to be married..
‘ I hope you'll be very happy, sir.'
'So do I. But will I? That's the point. That's the question. ’ "What's the question?' asked Reggie Tennyson, entering as he spoke.
Chapter 10
The emotions which flooded Monty Bodkin's bosom as he beheld his old friend sauntering into the state-room were similar to, though more intense than, those which must have come to the beleaguered troops in Lucknow as they heard the swirl of the Highland pipes. He was just the man Monty wanted to see. You could have offered Montague Bodkin at that moment the cream of the world's wit and beauty and intellect, and he would have c hosen Reggie Tennyson. 'Reggie! 'he cried.
An awed expression came into the other's face.
'It's astounding,' he said. 'Positively miraculous. I come in here, into this small, enclosed space, and when I'm about six inches away from you , you innate your lungs and bellow "Reggie I" in my ear-hole at the top of your voice, and I don't so much as wince. And an hour ago, if a bird on a distant tree had tweet-tweeted in the most confidential of undertones, I'd have leaped straight out of my skin and cried like a child. And this change, old boy, was brought about purely and simply by a smallish girl attaching herself to my neck and twisting it into the shape of a corkscrew. Yes, it's a fact. With those slim hands she cured my headache in the space of - ’
Monty was dancing much as Mr Llewellyn had danced before Mabel Spence.
'Never mind your headache! ‘
'I don't now. It's gone. As I tell you - ’
'Reggie, we 've got to change state-rooms ! ‘
'What are you talking about?'
‘ About our changing state-rooms. ’
'But we've changed state-rooms. ’
'Change them again, I mean.'
'What, you shift up and me shift down? ’
‘ Yes.'
Thus placing me next door to Lottie Blossom?'
Reggie smiled a faint, sad smile, and shook his head.
'No, laddie,' he said. 'I'm sorry, but no. Not unless you give me definite assurance that my brother Ambrose has fallen overboard. You have no conception, Monty,' proceeded the younger of the Tennysons earnestly, 'you have literally no conception how Ambrose has warmed up since our last meeting. I take it he has seen the passenger list. At any rate, ever since I left you and went on deck for that breath of fresh air he has been following me about all over the ship, exuding hostility and menace. I lose him from time to time, but he always finds me again, and when he finds me he glares, breathing noisily through the nose. It would be courting a hideous doom for me to be such a mug as to change state-rooms. Why do you want to change, anyway? This is a nicer state-room altogether than the one I've got. No comparison. Softer bed, better furniture, two old English prints on the wall instead of one, prettier carpet, handsomer steward -'
'Thank you, sir,' said Albert Peasemarch.
'Don't dream of changing. You'll be as cosy in here as a worm in a
'Steward,' said Monty.
'Sir? ’
‘ You may not know it,' said Monty, speaking with some difficulty, 'but you're trying me a little high.'
'I'm sure I'm very sorry to hear that, sir. I was merely pointing out the strange and wonderful workings - ’
'I know.' Monty passed a hand across his forehead. 'But don't. Do you mind?'
'Not at all, sir. ’
'I'm a little upset, steward.'
‘ You do seem a little upset, sir. ’
‘ Yes. You see, I'm engaged to be married..
‘ I hope you'll be very happy, sir.'
'So do I. But will I? That's the point. That's the question. ’ "What's the question?' asked Reggie Tennyson, entering as he spoke.
Chapter 10
The emotions which flooded Monty Bodkin's bosom as he beheld his old friend sauntering into the state-room were similar to, though more intense than, those which must have come to the beleaguered troops in Lucknow as they heard the swirl of the Highland pipes. He was just the man Monty wanted to see. You could have offered Montague Bodkin at that moment the cream of the world's wit and beauty and intellect, and he would have c hosen Reggie Tennyson. 'Reggie! 'he cried.
An awed expression came into the other's face.
'It's astounding,' he said. 'Positively miraculous. I come in here, into this small, enclosed space, and when I'm about six inches away from you , you innate your lungs and bellow "Reggie I" in my ear-hole at the top of your voice, and I don't so much as wince. And an hour ago, if a bird on a distant tree had tweet-tweeted in the most confidential of undertones, I'd have leaped straight out of my skin and cried like a child. And this change, old boy, was brought about purely and simply by a smallish girl attaching herself to my neck and twisting it into the shape of a corkscrew. Yes, it's a fact. With those slim hands she cured my headache in the space of - ’
Monty was dancing much as Mr Llewellyn had danced before Mabel Spence.
'Never mind your headache! ‘
'I don't now. It's gone. As I tell you - ’
'Reggie, we 've got to change state-rooms ! ‘
'What are you talking about?'
‘ About our changing state-rooms. ’
'But we've changed state-rooms. ’
'Change them again, I mean.'
'What, you shift up and me shift down? ’
‘ Yes.'
Thus placing me next door to Lottie Blossom?'
Reggie smiled a faint, sad smile, and shook his head.
'No, laddie,' he said. 'I'm sorry, but no. Not unless you give me definite assurance that my brother Ambrose has fallen overboard. You have no conception, Monty,' proceeded the younger of the Tennysons earnestly, 'you have literally no conception how Ambrose has warmed up since our last meeting. I take it he has seen the passenger list. At any rate, ever since I left you and went on deck for that breath of fresh air he has been following me about all over the ship, exuding hostility and menace. I lose him from time to time, but he always finds me again, and when he finds me he glares, breathing noisily through the nose. It would be courting a hideous doom for me to be such a mug as to change state-rooms. Why do you want to change, anyway? This is a nicer state-room altogether than the one I've got. No comparison. Softer bed, better furniture, two old English prints on the wall instead of one, prettier carpet, handsomer steward -'
'Thank you, sir,' said Albert Peasemarch.
'Don't dream of changing. You'll be as cosy in here as a worm in a
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