it.”
He laughed when I rolled my eyes, but I said, “So the song is about me.”
“Sure, if you want to back track with cause and effect, ” he shrugged. “But you’re not a wicked woman.”
“I’m only the creator of the wicked woman, which makes me worse.”
He laughed but seemed to agree. “Yes, and a lot more powerful because you can also create a lot of other emotio nal heralds. Uh, like ‘ happy woman ’ , or ‘ peaceful woman ’ … Uh, ‘ soft-for-Jared woman ’ …”
I laughed at that, and even though I really didn’t want to get into that particular conversation again, it was much better than worrying about the other demons in my life .
“Yes, I am soft for Jared,” I admitted. “ But what if it’s just because I’m soft for your music? ”
He chose not to respond to that. Maybe it was a good thing to hear, maybe it wasn’t, but instead he asked, “What about Maggie? Has anything been finalized about her, uh, custody?”
With a sigh I answered, “I’ve got guardianship of her right now. It’s listed as temporary until the courts make it official, but there shouldn’t be any problems . My sister actually had it listed that way in her will. ”
I sighed, just because it was still so surreal. I was now a fulltime parent.
“It’s the one thing that will make the difference in her life, Taryn. You. You’ve become a consistent part of her world.”
“I could never replace her mother.”
“You won’t. You’ll give her you . That’s what she needs. You’ve got this. You can do this .”
His encouragement was timed to head off the panic that was about to pour out of me; he could tell it was the heaviest burden that weighed on me. But I could feel the tears come anyways, and as I leaned onto my knees to take a deep breath, he moved next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.
“Taryn, you’ve already got this covered. It’s like you’ve been preparing for it. I don’t mean to sponsor fate if it’s not something you believe in, but I believe there’s a reason for everything. Maggie loves you, and your presence in her life was timed perfectly. I don’t believe that’s a coincidence. You’re going to do a great job. And you don’t have to feel guilty about it,” he seemed to emphasize.
I looked at him with surprise.
“Yeah, you heard me. Don’t feel guilty. This isn’t your doing, Taryn. You can’t change what happened; you can only go forward the best you can.”
“I still just… I can’t believe this happened…”
“I know. It’s a lot to take. And I know it’s hard to see right now, but with time it won’t feel like such a fresh wound.”
Closing my eyes, I sighed and laid my head against the couch. I looked forward to that day, but it was the days in between that scared me. And I hoped that Maggie would always love me for my efforts, but I worried about what could change that. I was her aunt, and she’d accepted me from day one, but I wasn’t naïve. I knew her mother had gone from a sweet child to a teenager that blamed our parents for everything. At some point Rachel started to believe that standard rules took the fun out of life , and that the world was trying to hold her back. She did whatever she could to outsmart the age-old existence of social hierarchy.
In Rachel’s mind, why couldn’t she tell the grownups what to do?
Some time later I woke up to the sounds of my family entering the house; I was curled up on the couch with a blanket, and Jared was gone.
Chapter Twelve
Once my family left the next Monday, it was like I was suddenly hit with reality. I had feared it thus far, but I could literally feel the impact of the altered life around me.
Maggie became quiet. She’d never really been a loud or vocal child, but she became mor e reserved than she usually was—even with me. Maybe she’d been that way all week and I just hadn’t noticed it with everyone around to coddle her . I tried to keep our days the same
He laughed when I rolled my eyes, but I said, “So the song is about me.”
“Sure, if you want to back track with cause and effect, ” he shrugged. “But you’re not a wicked woman.”
“I’m only the creator of the wicked woman, which makes me worse.”
He laughed but seemed to agree. “Yes, and a lot more powerful because you can also create a lot of other emotio nal heralds. Uh, like ‘ happy woman ’ , or ‘ peaceful woman ’ … Uh, ‘ soft-for-Jared woman ’ …”
I laughed at that, and even though I really didn’t want to get into that particular conversation again, it was much better than worrying about the other demons in my life .
“Yes, I am soft for Jared,” I admitted. “ But what if it’s just because I’m soft for your music? ”
He chose not to respond to that. Maybe it was a good thing to hear, maybe it wasn’t, but instead he asked, “What about Maggie? Has anything been finalized about her, uh, custody?”
With a sigh I answered, “I’ve got guardianship of her right now. It’s listed as temporary until the courts make it official, but there shouldn’t be any problems . My sister actually had it listed that way in her will. ”
I sighed, just because it was still so surreal. I was now a fulltime parent.
“It’s the one thing that will make the difference in her life, Taryn. You. You’ve become a consistent part of her world.”
“I could never replace her mother.”
“You won’t. You’ll give her you . That’s what she needs. You’ve got this. You can do this .”
His encouragement was timed to head off the panic that was about to pour out of me; he could tell it was the heaviest burden that weighed on me. But I could feel the tears come anyways, and as I leaned onto my knees to take a deep breath, he moved next to me and put his hand on my shoulder.
“Taryn, you’ve already got this covered. It’s like you’ve been preparing for it. I don’t mean to sponsor fate if it’s not something you believe in, but I believe there’s a reason for everything. Maggie loves you, and your presence in her life was timed perfectly. I don’t believe that’s a coincidence. You’re going to do a great job. And you don’t have to feel guilty about it,” he seemed to emphasize.
I looked at him with surprise.
“Yeah, you heard me. Don’t feel guilty. This isn’t your doing, Taryn. You can’t change what happened; you can only go forward the best you can.”
“I still just… I can’t believe this happened…”
“I know. It’s a lot to take. And I know it’s hard to see right now, but with time it won’t feel like such a fresh wound.”
Closing my eyes, I sighed and laid my head against the couch. I looked forward to that day, but it was the days in between that scared me. And I hoped that Maggie would always love me for my efforts, but I worried about what could change that. I was her aunt, and she’d accepted me from day one, but I wasn’t naïve. I knew her mother had gone from a sweet child to a teenager that blamed our parents for everything. At some point Rachel started to believe that standard rules took the fun out of life , and that the world was trying to hold her back. She did whatever she could to outsmart the age-old existence of social hierarchy.
In Rachel’s mind, why couldn’t she tell the grownups what to do?
Some time later I woke up to the sounds of my family entering the house; I was curled up on the couch with a blanket, and Jared was gone.
Chapter Twelve
Once my family left the next Monday, it was like I was suddenly hit with reality. I had feared it thus far, but I could literally feel the impact of the altered life around me.
Maggie became quiet. She’d never really been a loud or vocal child, but she became mor e reserved than she usually was—even with me. Maybe she’d been that way all week and I just hadn’t noticed it with everyone around to coddle her . I tried to keep our days the same
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