her about the ring and the house. I was about to explain the whole thing, anything to get that look off her face, when she told me she loved me for the first time.
“I loved you.”
My heart ached. It should have been one of the happiest moments of my life. But, she wasn’t telling me because she wanted to. She was telling me to hurt me. Because she thought I did something to hurt her.
I heard my mother’s words, about her being too broken. Everything shifted in that moment. I wish it hadn’t, but it did. I couldn’t fix her. I couldn’t love her enough to chip away at the calcified hurt that was affecting everything she did. My thoughts about our life together went from a house in the sunshine and a yard full of children to Olivia crying in a corner, blaming me for rushing her into something she wasn’t ready for.
Then she accused me of being like her father.
The hurt was profound. Especially since I’d spent the last year and a half trying to show her I was nothing like him. When she ran out of my office, thinking that I cheated on her, I didn’t stop her.
I stood frozen, the ring box pressing against my thigh, the room swinging around me.
I leaned both hands on my desk and squeezed my eyes closed, breathing through my mouth. Five minutes. My whole life just changed in five minutes.
She only wanted to see the bad. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe all I saw was my love and I hadn’t weighed the consequences of that love.
Steve walked into my office and stopped short.
“Did I just see Olivia?”
I looked up at him, my eyes burning. He must have seen something on my face.
“What happened?” He pulled the door closed and took a step toward me. I held up a hand to stop him and dropped my head.
“She saw me in here with Sidney. She assumed…”
“Caleb,” Steve said. “Go after her.”
My head snapped up. That’s the last thing I expected to hear. Especially since I wasn’t sure how much my mother had turned him.
“She wants out,” I said. “Since we first got together. She’s always finding a reason for us not to be together. What kind of life can we have if she does that?”
Steve shook his head. “Some people take more work than others. You fell in love with a really complicated woman. You can weigh how hard things can and will be for the two of you, but what you really need to consider is if you can live without her.”
I was out the door a second later. No. No, I couldn’t live without her.
I took the stairs. She’d made a left out of my office instead of going to the elevators. I took them two at a time. By the time I burst through the exit doors, it was dark outside. God, how had I let this day get away from me? If I’d just left when I was supposed to…
Her car was gone. I had to go back upstairs to get my keys. She probably wasn’t going to let me explain. If I went to her apartment while she was like this, she wouldn’t even open the door. But, if I let the idea that I was cheating sit in her head for too long, it would solidify. She’d believe it, and that would be that. So, what could I do? How did I handle this situation? I paced my office. She wasn’t like other women. I couldn’t show up and talk her out of her thoughts.
Fuck. This was bad. I had to figure out a way to reach her.
Cammie.
“She’s with me,” Cammie said, when I called her.
“Let me talk to her, Cammie. Please.”
“No, she doesn’t want to talk to you. You need to let her cool off.”
I’d hung up, thinking that was what I was going to do. But, after a few hours, I was driving to Cammie’s. When I got there and didn’t see Olivia’s car, I knew she’d been lying to me. So I went to the hotel.
It’s all shadows without Olivia. I feel myself constantly wanting for her light. I haven’t heard from her since I left her condo the night she told me about Noah. It’s been a month, and I don’t know what she’s decided. I know what I’ve decided.
I send her a
“I loved you.”
My heart ached. It should have been one of the happiest moments of my life. But, she wasn’t telling me because she wanted to. She was telling me to hurt me. Because she thought I did something to hurt her.
I heard my mother’s words, about her being too broken. Everything shifted in that moment. I wish it hadn’t, but it did. I couldn’t fix her. I couldn’t love her enough to chip away at the calcified hurt that was affecting everything she did. My thoughts about our life together went from a house in the sunshine and a yard full of children to Olivia crying in a corner, blaming me for rushing her into something she wasn’t ready for.
Then she accused me of being like her father.
The hurt was profound. Especially since I’d spent the last year and a half trying to show her I was nothing like him. When she ran out of my office, thinking that I cheated on her, I didn’t stop her.
I stood frozen, the ring box pressing against my thigh, the room swinging around me.
I leaned both hands on my desk and squeezed my eyes closed, breathing through my mouth. Five minutes. My whole life just changed in five minutes.
She only wanted to see the bad. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe all I saw was my love and I hadn’t weighed the consequences of that love.
Steve walked into my office and stopped short.
“Did I just see Olivia?”
I looked up at him, my eyes burning. He must have seen something on my face.
“What happened?” He pulled the door closed and took a step toward me. I held up a hand to stop him and dropped my head.
“She saw me in here with Sidney. She assumed…”
“Caleb,” Steve said. “Go after her.”
My head snapped up. That’s the last thing I expected to hear. Especially since I wasn’t sure how much my mother had turned him.
“She wants out,” I said. “Since we first got together. She’s always finding a reason for us not to be together. What kind of life can we have if she does that?”
Steve shook his head. “Some people take more work than others. You fell in love with a really complicated woman. You can weigh how hard things can and will be for the two of you, but what you really need to consider is if you can live without her.”
I was out the door a second later. No. No, I couldn’t live without her.
I took the stairs. She’d made a left out of my office instead of going to the elevators. I took them two at a time. By the time I burst through the exit doors, it was dark outside. God, how had I let this day get away from me? If I’d just left when I was supposed to…
Her car was gone. I had to go back upstairs to get my keys. She probably wasn’t going to let me explain. If I went to her apartment while she was like this, she wouldn’t even open the door. But, if I let the idea that I was cheating sit in her head for too long, it would solidify. She’d believe it, and that would be that. So, what could I do? How did I handle this situation? I paced my office. She wasn’t like other women. I couldn’t show up and talk her out of her thoughts.
Fuck. This was bad. I had to figure out a way to reach her.
Cammie.
“She’s with me,” Cammie said, when I called her.
“Let me talk to her, Cammie. Please.”
“No, she doesn’t want to talk to you. You need to let her cool off.”
I’d hung up, thinking that was what I was going to do. But, after a few hours, I was driving to Cammie’s. When I got there and didn’t see Olivia’s car, I knew she’d been lying to me. So I went to the hotel.
It’s all shadows without Olivia. I feel myself constantly wanting for her light. I haven’t heard from her since I left her condo the night she told me about Noah. It’s been a month, and I don’t know what she’s decided. I know what I’ve decided.
I send her a
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