she raised her tail from the sea. It was still heavy, but she had much better i 81
control of it now. An icy draft blew down from the roof, licking the drops from her scales.
At first the burning sensation was almost pleasurable. It was a shivering mixture of heat and chills, and Luce began to wonder if Catarina had told her the truth. Catarina hated humans so much that it wouldn’t have surprised Luce if she’d lied just to make sure that Luce would never try to change back.
Then the pain bit into her. A million burning teeth gnawed at her tail, slashing razors made of pure sun cut her, and light began to flash in Luce’s eyes. It took all her strength to stop herself from screaming, and with a gasp she let her tail fall again.
The pain was so stunning that for a while all Luce could do was lie trembling in the lapping water while hot tears welled in her eyes.
There was truly no going back. Not even if she’d had any place she could go. Not even if this wasn’t the only place on earth where anyone cared about her at all.
To survive, Luce thought, she needed to make some rules for herself. She needed her own personal timahk.
She could still think about her father, Luce decided, though it might be better if she didn’t let herself think about him too much. It wouldn’t be fair to expect she could forget everything about being human.
But she could never again allow herself to wonder about one thing, and that was the way her father might have died.
82 i LOST VOICES
6
The Last Kiss
For the next few days they all insisted that Luce stay in the cave. She was too bruised to swim as well as she should, and if any predators came it wouldn’t be safe. They brought her food and sometimes one of them would linger and talk for a while, answering her questions or telling her stories. They didn’t ask her much in return; she hadn’t been a mermaid for long enough to have anything to say about that, and Luce found out quickly that it was considered rude to ask another mermaid about her human life, at least beyond the glimpses you could see by just looking sideways. They knew about her uncle, of course; they could see that much. But no one ever asked about her parents, and she never said anything about her wandering life in the red van before she’d come to Pittley. Luce was glad that she didn’t have to explain too much. She’d made a decision to keep everything about her father as secret as she could.
i 83
Luce found out, too, that she was happy to be left alone sometimes, in the cool and the darkness. It was hard to think clearly with so many chattering girls around, and then so much had happened to her over the last several days that she wanted some time just to wonder about all of it. She swam slow circles in the calm water of the cave, skimming along just above the pebbles at the bottom and watching the fragile, milky, long- legged crabs whose bodies were trans Lucent and whose tapering feet looked almost like pink glass. There were tiny drifting medusas, too, with crystalline gelatinous frills around cobalt blue hearts, and dagger- thin fish that sometimes hovered in place and sometimes sliced away from her. She loved everything, watched everything.
There was another reason Luce was glad to be left alone.
She couldn’t forget the splendor of the song that had coursed through her the night she’d changed. Her longing to merge with that music again was so intense that Luce felt a bit embarrassed at the thought of anyone noticing how much it meant to her. She hadn’t forgotten either how edgy the mention of singing always made Catarina; it might be better to keep any singing she did strictly private.
So when everyone was away and she was fairly sure they wouldn’t hear her, she began to practice.
It was hard to control it, Luce found. Her new voice, after all, was magic, and singing was a little like taking the pressure off a coiled spring. When she sang her voice took on a volatile aliveness, an urge to
control of it now. An icy draft blew down from the roof, licking the drops from her scales.
At first the burning sensation was almost pleasurable. It was a shivering mixture of heat and chills, and Luce began to wonder if Catarina had told her the truth. Catarina hated humans so much that it wouldn’t have surprised Luce if she’d lied just to make sure that Luce would never try to change back.
Then the pain bit into her. A million burning teeth gnawed at her tail, slashing razors made of pure sun cut her, and light began to flash in Luce’s eyes. It took all her strength to stop herself from screaming, and with a gasp she let her tail fall again.
The pain was so stunning that for a while all Luce could do was lie trembling in the lapping water while hot tears welled in her eyes.
There was truly no going back. Not even if she’d had any place she could go. Not even if this wasn’t the only place on earth where anyone cared about her at all.
To survive, Luce thought, she needed to make some rules for herself. She needed her own personal timahk.
She could still think about her father, Luce decided, though it might be better if she didn’t let herself think about him too much. It wouldn’t be fair to expect she could forget everything about being human.
But she could never again allow herself to wonder about one thing, and that was the way her father might have died.
82 i LOST VOICES
6
The Last Kiss
For the next few days they all insisted that Luce stay in the cave. She was too bruised to swim as well as she should, and if any predators came it wouldn’t be safe. They brought her food and sometimes one of them would linger and talk for a while, answering her questions or telling her stories. They didn’t ask her much in return; she hadn’t been a mermaid for long enough to have anything to say about that, and Luce found out quickly that it was considered rude to ask another mermaid about her human life, at least beyond the glimpses you could see by just looking sideways. They knew about her uncle, of course; they could see that much. But no one ever asked about her parents, and she never said anything about her wandering life in the red van before she’d come to Pittley. Luce was glad that she didn’t have to explain too much. She’d made a decision to keep everything about her father as secret as she could.
i 83
Luce found out, too, that she was happy to be left alone sometimes, in the cool and the darkness. It was hard to think clearly with so many chattering girls around, and then so much had happened to her over the last several days that she wanted some time just to wonder about all of it. She swam slow circles in the calm water of the cave, skimming along just above the pebbles at the bottom and watching the fragile, milky, long- legged crabs whose bodies were trans Lucent and whose tapering feet looked almost like pink glass. There were tiny drifting medusas, too, with crystalline gelatinous frills around cobalt blue hearts, and dagger- thin fish that sometimes hovered in place and sometimes sliced away from her. She loved everything, watched everything.
There was another reason Luce was glad to be left alone.
She couldn’t forget the splendor of the song that had coursed through her the night she’d changed. Her longing to merge with that music again was so intense that Luce felt a bit embarrassed at the thought of anyone noticing how much it meant to her. She hadn’t forgotten either how edgy the mention of singing always made Catarina; it might be better to keep any singing she did strictly private.
So when everyone was away and she was fairly sure they wouldn’t hear her, she began to practice.
It was hard to control it, Luce found. Her new voice, after all, was magic, and singing was a little like taking the pressure off a coiled spring. When she sang her voice took on a volatile aliveness, an urge to
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