expand and rip through water and rock and sky. It was hers, but she didn’t entirely own it. It might even be stronger than she was.
84 i LOST VOICES
Learning to sing, Luce thought, meant learning to tame the voice that was living in her. She would begin with a single note and hold it, doing her best to keep it low and soft as it struggled against her, full of yearnings to rip and surge. Once it settled down a little, she would let it lift a step and hold it again. Sometimes it got away from her and took over the cave with a high, liquid throbbing where impossible notes raced and fused together, and she would have to bite her lip as hard as she could to stifle herself, or lift her tail from the water until the pain stunned her voice into submission.
On her third day in the cave Luce floated on her back in the dark water watching a palm- shaped blot of violet sky that shone through the roof, and tried a little run of notes. It was the first time she’d deliberately ventured on a melody, and her voice seemed pleased. It didn’t fight her nearly as much as usual. The melody spilling from her was so lovely, Luce thought: a piercing lilt that hovered for a while, and then a long cascade of tones like something falling . . .
It was a whole song. Other notes took her voice, and carried it where they wanted to go. And, Luce realized with a shock, it was a song she’d heard before.
She’d sung it before, straight into the face of the old man she’d drowned, and he’d gazed back at her with rapture as he listened. Luce let out a little cry right in the middle of the song, and heaved her tail up to force her voice to be quiet. After a few seconds the first jolts of pain started, and the song dimmed in her throat.
Once Luce was sure it was completely gone, she allowed herself to lower her tail back into the water. Pain still jarred i 85
and sparked for a minute, then gradually slipped away. She’d let her voice run free, just for a few notes, and immediately it had turned into a song whose only purpose was murder! And yet singing it had exalted her. Her heart was pounding now from joy as much as horror.
But after all, she was all alone in the cave. There were no humans around to hear her, no chance that she was luring someone to die. Why shouldn’t she let herself feel that song moving through her then, when it had such a powerful will to live and its life made her so happy?
She let her voice rise again into the sweet high note that had started it all. The song hesitated, just for a second, but then it was back in her throat. Music spilled down the worn stairs of a farmhouse outside Pittsburg Luce had forgotten that house until this moment, but now she knew it belonged to an old friend of her mother’s then the single note split into a thrumming chord, and she wept, and soft arms picked her up off the floor and cradled her. A rain of dark hair brushed against her face.
Of course people were ready to die in exchange for this song, Luce thought. She would joyfully die for it herself if she had to.
She would drown again and again, only to find herself in this torrent of living music.
There was a slight pitching disturbance in the water around her. Luce ignored it. She was following the song now as it ran down a glittering sidewalk toward a tall young woman in a black sundress. Luce had done something wrong, but the woman forgave her completely . . . Minutes passed as Luce flowed inside her own unthinkable music.
“ Luce.” It was Catarina. Her hair ran out like flames across the dark water. Luce’s singing shattered into the dark of the cave 86 i LOST VOICES
and the red flickering web around Catarina’s golden face. Luce gaped at her in sudden anxiety, and she was only partly relieved when Catarina gave her a sly smile. Maybe she’d misunderstood, and Catarina didn’t care at all if Luce sang to herself ? Luce watched the gray eyes nervously; wasn’t there something heated in their gaze that didn’t quite go
84 i LOST VOICES
Learning to sing, Luce thought, meant learning to tame the voice that was living in her. She would begin with a single note and hold it, doing her best to keep it low and soft as it struggled against her, full of yearnings to rip and surge. Once it settled down a little, she would let it lift a step and hold it again. Sometimes it got away from her and took over the cave with a high, liquid throbbing where impossible notes raced and fused together, and she would have to bite her lip as hard as she could to stifle herself, or lift her tail from the water until the pain stunned her voice into submission.
On her third day in the cave Luce floated on her back in the dark water watching a palm- shaped blot of violet sky that shone through the roof, and tried a little run of notes. It was the first time she’d deliberately ventured on a melody, and her voice seemed pleased. It didn’t fight her nearly as much as usual. The melody spilling from her was so lovely, Luce thought: a piercing lilt that hovered for a while, and then a long cascade of tones like something falling . . .
It was a whole song. Other notes took her voice, and carried it where they wanted to go. And, Luce realized with a shock, it was a song she’d heard before.
She’d sung it before, straight into the face of the old man she’d drowned, and he’d gazed back at her with rapture as he listened. Luce let out a little cry right in the middle of the song, and heaved her tail up to force her voice to be quiet. After a few seconds the first jolts of pain started, and the song dimmed in her throat.
Once Luce was sure it was completely gone, she allowed herself to lower her tail back into the water. Pain still jarred i 85
and sparked for a minute, then gradually slipped away. She’d let her voice run free, just for a few notes, and immediately it had turned into a song whose only purpose was murder! And yet singing it had exalted her. Her heart was pounding now from joy as much as horror.
But after all, she was all alone in the cave. There were no humans around to hear her, no chance that she was luring someone to die. Why shouldn’t she let herself feel that song moving through her then, when it had such a powerful will to live and its life made her so happy?
She let her voice rise again into the sweet high note that had started it all. The song hesitated, just for a second, but then it was back in her throat. Music spilled down the worn stairs of a farmhouse outside Pittsburg Luce had forgotten that house until this moment, but now she knew it belonged to an old friend of her mother’s then the single note split into a thrumming chord, and she wept, and soft arms picked her up off the floor and cradled her. A rain of dark hair brushed against her face.
Of course people were ready to die in exchange for this song, Luce thought. She would joyfully die for it herself if she had to.
She would drown again and again, only to find herself in this torrent of living music.
There was a slight pitching disturbance in the water around her. Luce ignored it. She was following the song now as it ran down a glittering sidewalk toward a tall young woman in a black sundress. Luce had done something wrong, but the woman forgave her completely . . . Minutes passed as Luce flowed inside her own unthinkable music.
“ Luce.” It was Catarina. Her hair ran out like flames across the dark water. Luce’s singing shattered into the dark of the cave 86 i LOST VOICES
and the red flickering web around Catarina’s golden face. Luce gaped at her in sudden anxiety, and she was only partly relieved when Catarina gave her a sly smile. Maybe she’d misunderstood, and Catarina didn’t care at all if Luce sang to herself ? Luce watched the gray eyes nervously; wasn’t there something heated in their gaze that didn’t quite go
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