Lost and Found: Finding Hope in the Detours of Life by T. D. Jakes, Sarah Jakes

compassionate when you hear someone else being judged. I chose to ignore what everyone said about Robert because one day I wanted everyone to ignore what they heard about me. I chose to give him the chance that I wanted others to give me.
    And he surprised me. There was something vulnerable within his strength, something tender and fragile. So we began talking . . . and talking . . . for hours. In between classes, while sitting in the car outside the dorm, or on the phone before bed, we talked and grew closer.
    Outside of what everyone thought about him, he was actually a very funny and charming person. I felt fortunate that I was able to see a side of him that others didn’t get to see. We were a lot alike: a reputation that preceded us but a heart at its core that was beautiful and willing to give and receive love anyway.
    I started to love the broken pieces in him that looked so much like my own jagged edges. And besides, we weren’t in a relationship, just good friends. On Easter, I invited him over for our family’s annual party. It was the first time he would see the other side of my world.
    After spending most of the holiday together laughing, eating, and joking around, I drove him back to the campus dorms. We had two completely different backgrounds, yet we had this universal commonality: We were broken. He told me about his daughter and her sister that he was also caring for. I told him about my son, which actually took some time convincing him was true. He had heard of my dad but didn’t really think that it was as big of a deal as others on campus made it to be. Robert never asked me to get a book signed for his mother or to schedule a time for him to meet with my dad for prayer.
    I liked that. I liked that he didn’t care who I was or that I had a son. For the first time in my life, it seemed like all someone wanted from me was me.
    ———
    Most guys that I dated were afraid of my father. Between his appearance (over six-foot-four) and his occupation, my dad was a daunting presence for any potential boyfriends.
    No one ever dared to get on his bad side. Our friends used to joke that getting in trouble with our dad would also get you in trouble with God. It started off pretty funny, but when you see your dad as just your dad, it starts to get old. Robert was the first person who dared to not care about what my dad did. I was attracted to that in him. I had been so busy trying to earn my father’s respect, maintain his forgiveness, and make him proud that the idea of emulating Robert’s nonchalant attitude was very appealing.
    I still didn’t feel like I had any place in church, and with the difficulty of my courses increasing, I started to question whether my plan to become CFO was even feasible. The idea of changing my major, though, after talking for almost a year about how much help I could offer the ministry, would go directly against everything I had told my friends and family. I didn’t want to seem indecisive or, worse, risk disappointing them again. I didn’t feel like I had much room for any more errors.
    I wanted to be more like Robert.
    I made decisions for my life based on how I thought others felt. I never checked to actually see if what I thought was fact. Trapped between a rock and a hard place, I let Robert become my escape. I wanted to borrow from his strength; I just didn’t know that it would mean I had to give mine away.
    Fear has got to be one of the greatest emotions humans experience. We depend on its strength to teach unforgettable lessons. We hope that the fear of getting burned will be enough to keep us from touching fire. I was afraid of disappointing my family. I felt like life hadn’t left me with many other opportunities to mess up. I put the pressure on myself, but it was easier to think it was what everyone expected from me. I needed the pressure to motivate me because I didn’t have time to find my passion. Robert had all of this passion and seemed so immune to