look of embarrassment coloring her cheeks.
“I’m really sorry about earlier. I could overhear your heated conversation with your ex and I just wanted to busy myself so it didn’t seem like I was eavesdropping. As I reached for the teabags, everything fell on top of me. Hence needing to take a shower.”
At the mention of the shower, my mind goes straight to those sexy panties and it takes every effort to push the image of her panties away. “Addison, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Ava just makes me fucking crazy, but your interruption couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. So thank you.”
“Well, I’m glad I could be of assistance. Although I would have preferred not being covered in flour in the process.” She laughs but when my smile doesn’t quite meet my eyes, her laughter quickly fades away. “Are you okay?” Addison asks after a few moments.
I shrug my shoulders. I could try and beat around the bush and say I’m okay, but she’d see right through me, so I decide to give it to her straight. “No. I had the best day with my daughter and my life felt good for a couple of hours. But then I was suddenly reminded of the reality of my life when Ava came to pick her back up again, taking her away from me for another week, and it just motherfucking hurts. I never signed up to this shit. And then when I asked her for a tiny bit more time with Lily, she says she needs to check with Ashton. Ashton? I’m her goddamn father, not him, yet he gets to have a say in my daughter’s life? It’s bullshit!” My entire body is trembling with anger.
“It feels like that guy is living my life! The life I was supposed to have before I was dealt these shitty cards. First he took my fiancée, the one love of my life, now he’s trying to take my daughter away from me, the only person I have left in this crappy world. I want to fight for joint custody, but I know I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. I’m a recovering drug addict. A judge would take one look at me and brand me as an unfit parent. It doesn’t matter that I’m a veteran, that I risked my life for this country. None of that matters because one look at my history and bam—it’s game over.” I begin pacing every inch of the kitchen space, angrily dragging my hand through my hair, the wrath of my pain swirling through my veins.
“Of course, I have nobody to blame but myself. Nobody forced me to snort coke. That was all me! I wanted to ease the pain and live in a world of pure oblivion where nobody could hurt me. But ironically the only person I actually ended up hurting was myself. And now I’m left with a gaping hole in the middle of my chest and a life, where I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. I mean, what’s the fucking purpose of it? What’s the whole point of life?”
Tears blur my vision and that only fuels my anger. I’ve suddenly unleashed the beast. Consequences be damned.
“I get the feeling maybe life would be better off without me. That maybe I was meant to die at war, and now the big guy upstairs wants to make my life a living hell as punishment for cheating death. And because he obviously doesn’t have the power to kill me considering I’ve cheated death more times than I can count, he’s decided to put me on the road to self-destruction so that I can take matters into my own hands. That’s the only possible theory I can think that makes sense for the constant fucking pain I feel every day in my chest! It hurts so fucking much!” My anger finally hits its climax when my fist outright punches the wall and a piercing cry echoes through the kitchen, leaving me gasping for air.
Addison grips my shirt, pulling me towards her. “That’s it, just scream it out. Let it out. Do your worst.”
Her words of encouragement have me falling to my knees, letting go of all of my emotions. I break down and muffle cries of agonizing pain into her chest, clutching her as if my life depends on it. I can feel the
“I’m really sorry about earlier. I could overhear your heated conversation with your ex and I just wanted to busy myself so it didn’t seem like I was eavesdropping. As I reached for the teabags, everything fell on top of me. Hence needing to take a shower.”
At the mention of the shower, my mind goes straight to those sexy panties and it takes every effort to push the image of her panties away. “Addison, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Ava just makes me fucking crazy, but your interruption couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. So thank you.”
“Well, I’m glad I could be of assistance. Although I would have preferred not being covered in flour in the process.” She laughs but when my smile doesn’t quite meet my eyes, her laughter quickly fades away. “Are you okay?” Addison asks after a few moments.
I shrug my shoulders. I could try and beat around the bush and say I’m okay, but she’d see right through me, so I decide to give it to her straight. “No. I had the best day with my daughter and my life felt good for a couple of hours. But then I was suddenly reminded of the reality of my life when Ava came to pick her back up again, taking her away from me for another week, and it just motherfucking hurts. I never signed up to this shit. And then when I asked her for a tiny bit more time with Lily, she says she needs to check with Ashton. Ashton? I’m her goddamn father, not him, yet he gets to have a say in my daughter’s life? It’s bullshit!” My entire body is trembling with anger.
“It feels like that guy is living my life! The life I was supposed to have before I was dealt these shitty cards. First he took my fiancée, the one love of my life, now he’s trying to take my daughter away from me, the only person I have left in this crappy world. I want to fight for joint custody, but I know I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. I’m a recovering drug addict. A judge would take one look at me and brand me as an unfit parent. It doesn’t matter that I’m a veteran, that I risked my life for this country. None of that matters because one look at my history and bam—it’s game over.” I begin pacing every inch of the kitchen space, angrily dragging my hand through my hair, the wrath of my pain swirling through my veins.
“Of course, I have nobody to blame but myself. Nobody forced me to snort coke. That was all me! I wanted to ease the pain and live in a world of pure oblivion where nobody could hurt me. But ironically the only person I actually ended up hurting was myself. And now I’m left with a gaping hole in the middle of my chest and a life, where I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. I mean, what’s the fucking purpose of it? What’s the whole point of life?”
Tears blur my vision and that only fuels my anger. I’ve suddenly unleashed the beast. Consequences be damned.
“I get the feeling maybe life would be better off without me. That maybe I was meant to die at war, and now the big guy upstairs wants to make my life a living hell as punishment for cheating death. And because he obviously doesn’t have the power to kill me considering I’ve cheated death more times than I can count, he’s decided to put me on the road to self-destruction so that I can take matters into my own hands. That’s the only possible theory I can think that makes sense for the constant fucking pain I feel every day in my chest! It hurts so fucking much!” My anger finally hits its climax when my fist outright punches the wall and a piercing cry echoes through the kitchen, leaving me gasping for air.
Addison grips my shirt, pulling me towards her. “That’s it, just scream it out. Let it out. Do your worst.”
Her words of encouragement have me falling to my knees, letting go of all of my emotions. I break down and muffle cries of agonizing pain into her chest, clutching her as if my life depends on it. I can feel the
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