attempted to explain to Josh why I was upset and why my feelings were hurt, but he was too drunk to comprehend. It was useless talking to him. It was like talking to a pet rock! He curled up on the chair in the corner of the room and passed out. I fell asleep staring at my baby girl, trying to sooth my deep fear that Josh and I may not work out. This baby was nothing but innocent and pure and Josh’s behavior was the complete opposite.
The next morning I woke up to the nurse bringing in a tray of oatmeal and juice that reminded me of the breakfasts I was served at school. I was ravishingly hungry: much more than I had realized. It was nice to have the freedom to eat as much as I wanted without having to worry about it coming back up.
Chloe had been a perfect angel throughout the night. She woke only twice to a dirty diaper, which was extremely awkward for me to handle. Her little legs were so tiny that it was borderline scary trying to change her diaper. I was afraid of hurting her. The first time around, to my luck, the nurse came in to check my vitals. She must have noticed that I was struggling because she graciously stepped in to show me that changing a newborn’s diaper was more of a mind-over-matter issue. The second time around was still scary, but I managed to get it done. Josh, of course, was no help as he was lost in his drunken slumber.
It was about 8:30 in the morning and, with my luck, the mean nurse from my school walked in. Nurse Val. I put on my fake smile and greeted her as I usually did. “Congratulations,” she said, practically speaking through her nose. “Are you going to breastfeed?” She was so damn nosey all the time, and I really did not want to deal with her at the moment.
“Thanks, and yes, I plan to nurse her.” I replied, emphasizing the word “nurse.” I was so sick of terms involving anatomy that were spoken so medically correct. It was annoying, and I just wanted my world to be back to normal - as normal as it could possibly be with a new baby.
Nurse Val asked me to show her how I would nurse Chloe while she sat on the edge of my bed. I thought it was odd and totally uncomfortable, but I agreed. She was trying to make sure I had the technique correct, but I couldn’t possibly focus on technique when a woman in her forties that was not even close to me was staring at my boob! After dealing with Nurse Val for half an hour, she finally left me in peace. Thank God that’s over, I thought to myself. At that point I was ready to go home. I wanted my own bed, my own jammies, and my own space. I wanted to bring my baby home for the first time, get her settled, and just maybe, get back into some sort of normal routine.
The only problem I had to face at that point was Josh. If he thought getting wasted on the night of his daughter’s birth was okay, he would surely be getting wasted whenever he wanted from that point forward without a second thought.
“Josh!” I demanded his attention, not caring he was hung-over and looking pathetic in the corner of the hospital room. He looked my way confirming that I had his attention. “Choose - it’s Chloe and me or alcohol. I am not kidding. You haven’t even spent any time with us, and I just gave birth to your baby! If you refuse to stay sober, we are done. It’s over. So choose and I want an answer now.”
I was worried about making Josh choose the booze or his immediate family, but it had to be done. I was scared of what his answer was going to be. I really did not want to do this alone. I knew that I could not do this alone. I wanted Josh to be in our lives forever, but the excessive drinking just had to stop. There was no question in my mind.
To my surprise, Josh got out of the chair with a concerned look on his face. For the first time, he actually looked as if he felt bad for what he had done. Walking to the side of the bed, he grabbed my hand and apologized. “Sweetie, I am really sorry. I am an idiot
The next morning I woke up to the nurse bringing in a tray of oatmeal and juice that reminded me of the breakfasts I was served at school. I was ravishingly hungry: much more than I had realized. It was nice to have the freedom to eat as much as I wanted without having to worry about it coming back up.
Chloe had been a perfect angel throughout the night. She woke only twice to a dirty diaper, which was extremely awkward for me to handle. Her little legs were so tiny that it was borderline scary trying to change her diaper. I was afraid of hurting her. The first time around, to my luck, the nurse came in to check my vitals. She must have noticed that I was struggling because she graciously stepped in to show me that changing a newborn’s diaper was more of a mind-over-matter issue. The second time around was still scary, but I managed to get it done. Josh, of course, was no help as he was lost in his drunken slumber.
It was about 8:30 in the morning and, with my luck, the mean nurse from my school walked in. Nurse Val. I put on my fake smile and greeted her as I usually did. “Congratulations,” she said, practically speaking through her nose. “Are you going to breastfeed?” She was so damn nosey all the time, and I really did not want to deal with her at the moment.
“Thanks, and yes, I plan to nurse her.” I replied, emphasizing the word “nurse.” I was so sick of terms involving anatomy that were spoken so medically correct. It was annoying, and I just wanted my world to be back to normal - as normal as it could possibly be with a new baby.
Nurse Val asked me to show her how I would nurse Chloe while she sat on the edge of my bed. I thought it was odd and totally uncomfortable, but I agreed. She was trying to make sure I had the technique correct, but I couldn’t possibly focus on technique when a woman in her forties that was not even close to me was staring at my boob! After dealing with Nurse Val for half an hour, she finally left me in peace. Thank God that’s over, I thought to myself. At that point I was ready to go home. I wanted my own bed, my own jammies, and my own space. I wanted to bring my baby home for the first time, get her settled, and just maybe, get back into some sort of normal routine.
The only problem I had to face at that point was Josh. If he thought getting wasted on the night of his daughter’s birth was okay, he would surely be getting wasted whenever he wanted from that point forward without a second thought.
“Josh!” I demanded his attention, not caring he was hung-over and looking pathetic in the corner of the hospital room. He looked my way confirming that I had his attention. “Choose - it’s Chloe and me or alcohol. I am not kidding. You haven’t even spent any time with us, and I just gave birth to your baby! If you refuse to stay sober, we are done. It’s over. So choose and I want an answer now.”
I was worried about making Josh choose the booze or his immediate family, but it had to be done. I was scared of what his answer was going to be. I really did not want to do this alone. I knew that I could not do this alone. I wanted Josh to be in our lives forever, but the excessive drinking just had to stop. There was no question in my mind.
To my surprise, Josh got out of the chair with a concerned look on his face. For the first time, he actually looked as if he felt bad for what he had done. Walking to the side of the bed, he grabbed my hand and apologized. “Sweetie, I am really sorry. I am an idiot
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