make a big show and insist on paying for me and I’d be embarrassed but secretly love it. Despite myself and no matter that I was a devoutly deconstructed post-modern feminist and all that jazz, my deepest darkest desire was to meet a woman who worshipped me and was rich enough that I could lead the life of leisure that I should surely have been born into. Even someone buying me dinner made me giddy.
My stomach and further below moved slightly as I thought about Lucy and what little I knew of her. Short dark hair, cool clothes and seriously kissable lips. I wasn’t sure where the catch was because there had to be one. Attractive, solvent, available women didn’t normally show an interest in me. Apart from psychos like Karen and, of course, Ange, and Julia was giving me a hard enough time about that as it was. But Ange was history.
I dried off and went to my room, pulling on my white towelling dressing gown and settling onto my cream duvet. I turned on my laptop and pulled up Facebook: on the right-hand side was a box entitled ‘Friends you might know’. In that box was a picture of Karen smiling out at me. ‘Add As Friend’ said a tag below. Sometimes, social media needed a clip round the ear.
Kate’s spag bol was smelling delicious as I returned to the kitchen freshly cleansed and dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt. She passed me a glass of wine that was standing on the counter and we chinked glasses.
“That must have been the longest shower in human history.”
“I was very dirty,” I said. “Plus, I had to catch up on the book of face and what was going on in the world. Nothing as usual in case you were wondering but it has to be checked.”
I dipped a spoon in the Bolognese sauce and tasted it. I winced as it burnt my tongue.
“You’re being a very good wife to me so far you know.”
“Well my other wife’s coming for dinner too so don’t let on, she might get jealous.”
“I’ll let her know you save your special sauce for her.”
“Please!” Kate said.
“Did I get any post today?”
“Nothing – think they might still be on strike. Or rubbish. Or both. By the way, I’m doing starters too, so don’t eat too much,” Kate said as I opened the fridge.
“You’re definitely getting a shag tonight.”
“From you too?”
“Ha ha,” I said. My mind instantly flicked back to Lucy and her gorgeous smile – clearly my face gave me away somewhat. Kate threw me a quizzical look as she opened the cutlery drawer and took out three knives and forks. I took them from her.
“I’ll do that.”
She blocked my way out of the kitchen.
“No, you’re not running away. You’ve got a funny look on your face. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Nothing.”
“Jess…”
I was suddenly very shy and didn’t want to tell her, but I knew I might burst if I didn’t.
“I walked to Angel today along the canal.”
“And?”
“Guess who I bumped into.”
“Who?”
“Guess.”
“Karen – she’s flown over from Australia begging you to take her back.”
“No – I think you might have heard about it by now if that had happened. Guess again.”
“Ange wielding a knife?”
“It’s a positive thing.”
“I don’t do positive,” she said. “I dunno, tell me.”
“Lucy,” I said, matter-of-factly as if it happened every day.
“Luuuucyyyy!” Kate said. Her voice was sing-song and bore more than a note of triumph. “And?”
“And nothing – she was on her bike, I was drinking, she stopped and had a drink too.”
Kate raised her eyebrows at me.
“And you didn’t ask her out, let me guess.”
“Why would I ask her out?”
“Because she’s good-looking, clearly interested in you and you’re gagging for it.”
“How do you work that one out?” I said. Then I pouted. “And I am not gagging for it.”
Kate laughed.
“Are too. But really – she stalked you to the canal, that’s a clue isn’t it? Do you think she could possibly like you too?”
“Har de
My stomach and further below moved slightly as I thought about Lucy and what little I knew of her. Short dark hair, cool clothes and seriously kissable lips. I wasn’t sure where the catch was because there had to be one. Attractive, solvent, available women didn’t normally show an interest in me. Apart from psychos like Karen and, of course, Ange, and Julia was giving me a hard enough time about that as it was. But Ange was history.
I dried off and went to my room, pulling on my white towelling dressing gown and settling onto my cream duvet. I turned on my laptop and pulled up Facebook: on the right-hand side was a box entitled ‘Friends you might know’. In that box was a picture of Karen smiling out at me. ‘Add As Friend’ said a tag below. Sometimes, social media needed a clip round the ear.
Kate’s spag bol was smelling delicious as I returned to the kitchen freshly cleansed and dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt. She passed me a glass of wine that was standing on the counter and we chinked glasses.
“That must have been the longest shower in human history.”
“I was very dirty,” I said. “Plus, I had to catch up on the book of face and what was going on in the world. Nothing as usual in case you were wondering but it has to be checked.”
I dipped a spoon in the Bolognese sauce and tasted it. I winced as it burnt my tongue.
“You’re being a very good wife to me so far you know.”
“Well my other wife’s coming for dinner too so don’t let on, she might get jealous.”
“I’ll let her know you save your special sauce for her.”
“Please!” Kate said.
“Did I get any post today?”
“Nothing – think they might still be on strike. Or rubbish. Or both. By the way, I’m doing starters too, so don’t eat too much,” Kate said as I opened the fridge.
“You’re definitely getting a shag tonight.”
“From you too?”
“Ha ha,” I said. My mind instantly flicked back to Lucy and her gorgeous smile – clearly my face gave me away somewhat. Kate threw me a quizzical look as she opened the cutlery drawer and took out three knives and forks. I took them from her.
“I’ll do that.”
She blocked my way out of the kitchen.
“No, you’re not running away. You’ve got a funny look on your face. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Nothing.”
“Jess…”
I was suddenly very shy and didn’t want to tell her, but I knew I might burst if I didn’t.
“I walked to Angel today along the canal.”
“And?”
“Guess who I bumped into.”
“Who?”
“Guess.”
“Karen – she’s flown over from Australia begging you to take her back.”
“No – I think you might have heard about it by now if that had happened. Guess again.”
“Ange wielding a knife?”
“It’s a positive thing.”
“I don’t do positive,” she said. “I dunno, tell me.”
“Lucy,” I said, matter-of-factly as if it happened every day.
“Luuuucyyyy!” Kate said. Her voice was sing-song and bore more than a note of triumph. “And?”
“And nothing – she was on her bike, I was drinking, she stopped and had a drink too.”
Kate raised her eyebrows at me.
“And you didn’t ask her out, let me guess.”
“Why would I ask her out?”
“Because she’s good-looking, clearly interested in you and you’re gagging for it.”
“How do you work that one out?” I said. Then I pouted. “And I am not gagging for it.”
Kate laughed.
“Are too. But really – she stalked you to the canal, that’s a clue isn’t it? Do you think she could possibly like you too?”
“Har de
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