humiliation, of despair, or deprivation should produce a desire for death is quite natural.
Goodwin and Jamison 1990:19
All of a sudden before the suicide there was a huge drop with me mentally and I just couldn't handle life anymore. I was institutionalized for the first time after the suicide attempt, and it was terrible because I was adolescence. I was the only adolescent in the ward, and it was all adults and me. They took me off all my medications and I was also detoxing off illicit drugs. But I was still very depressed because I had a failed suicide attempt. They would not let me smoke at the institution and I remembered that was a huge deal, because I was underage and was not supposed to smoke, but of course, I wanted to smoke.
I was freaking out and I called my insurance company. I refused to go to groups at the institution. And for some reason they just released me from the institution. They simply did not know what to do with me. After that I was in and out of therapy. I was medicated, and sometimes I would want certain medications from the doctors, because I thought I knew best. A lot of psychiatrists even refused to see me, because I was so manipulative. I'm diagnosed as borderline personality in addition to being Bipolar. They diagnosed me as Bipolar right after the suicide attempt, but the second time I was institutionalized at Silver Hill in Connecticut they diagnosed me as borderline personality at the age of 18.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or Bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women. 1 There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases. Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations. `` Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.
While a person with depression or Bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling
Goodwin and Jamison 1990:19
All of a sudden before the suicide there was a huge drop with me mentally and I just couldn't handle life anymore. I was institutionalized for the first time after the suicide attempt, and it was terrible because I was adolescence. I was the only adolescent in the ward, and it was all adults and me. They took me off all my medications and I was also detoxing off illicit drugs. But I was still very depressed because I had a failed suicide attempt. They would not let me smoke at the institution and I remembered that was a huge deal, because I was underage and was not supposed to smoke, but of course, I wanted to smoke.
I was freaking out and I called my insurance company. I refused to go to groups at the institution. And for some reason they just released me from the institution. They simply did not know what to do with me. After that I was in and out of therapy. I was medicated, and sometimes I would want certain medications from the doctors, because I thought I knew best. A lot of psychiatrists even refused to see me, because I was so manipulative. I'm diagnosed as borderline personality in addition to being Bipolar. They diagnosed me as Bipolar right after the suicide attempt, but the second time I was institutionalized at Silver Hill in Connecticut they diagnosed me as borderline personality at the age of 18.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or Bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women. 1 There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases. Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations. `` Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.
While a person with depression or Bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling
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