Life on the Preservation, US Edition by Jack Skillingstead

it, too. But if the note’s true, it doesn’t matter. If the note’s true, nothing matters. Anyway, the original is probably on Zach’s hard drive.”
    Vanessa smoothed the crumpled paper out on the table top, put on her glasses and read it carefully. She removed her glasses and said:
    “You believe this might be true? ”
    “Not in my mind I don’t.”
    “Where else do you believe things?”
    “Gut? I don’t know. That sunbeam really did touch the third tree at exactly the minute the note said it would, and the crow jumped off and flew north. I’m just saying.”
    Vanessa sipped her green Martini.
    “Look, I don’t believe it,” Ian said. “I think Zach must have been out of his mind. But after the crow flew I sat on that bench and sort of remembered things. Vaguely. I’m not even sure I saw what I saw. I don’t know. Did the tree light up at that exact minute? You see what I mean? My mind feels slippery. But it always does. For instance, I know Mom overdosed. I know that. But I saw this movie once where a woman used a razor on her wrists. Since then I keep thinking of Mom that way. I even dreamed it. Like the real thing is mixed up in my head with fantasy. Then when Dad described her–” Ian choked up, paused, went on. “–described her in the cold bath, it’s like I saw her myself. It’s like a memory of seeing her.”
    Ian’s hands were cold. He worked them together nervously, not meeting Vanessa’s eyes.
    “Ian,” Vanessa said. “I think I understand.”
    “You do?”
    “Yes.”
    She seemed a little cool all of a sudden. Ian felt confused.
    “Anyway, I had this idea that maybe you could hypnotize me.”
    “Why would I do that?”
    “I don’t know, to find out something? Find out if I’m nuts, I guess.”
    “I see.”
    “What?”
    “You’re in Crazyland,” Vanessa said. “So naturally you come to me. The expert. Otherwise you keep your distance. Like I’m a plague sister. It’s all right, I do understand.”
    “Come on.”
    “Mom freaked you out, I had a breakdown, then Dad left as soon as you graduated high school. You didn’t want to catch ‘it’ so you stayed away. Now you think you’ve caught ‘it’ anyway.”
    Ian blushed.“Something like that, I guess.”
    “Icky, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be mean. But I could have used you around when they had me in that hospital. I felt like I didn’t have anybody in the world. Dad visited but I could tell he was forcing himself. It was hard for him to accept that I was even in there.”
    “I’m a jerk.”
    “No, you aren’t. You’re a sweet man who went through something dreadful before you were mature enough to deal with it. At least I was an adult when Mom... died. And besides, I’m the jerk for complaining about you not visiting. You were just a kid. Dad probably wouldn’t let you.”
    “He would have let me, I think. I was afraid to come. Maybe I should go back under my rock.”
    “You better not.” Vanessa tossed down the last of her Martini and stood up, pulling her coat around her. “Come along, let’s go have a look inside that head of yours, shall we?”
    “We don’t have to do this,” Ian said.
    “Poor Icky. Don’t be afraid.”
    “I’m not afraid.”
    “Yes you are. But never mind.”
    Outside, Vanessa fished her car keys out and jingled them. “You follow me. I doubt you remember where I live.”
    “Can’t we go to your office, Ness?”
    “Of course. But you haven’t been to my place in a long time. Afterwards I could make some dinner. And I have something I’ve been holding onto for when you turned up again.”
    “I think we better stay in the city.”
    “But– oh, yes. I forgot. If we leave the city we’ll get stuck or disappear or something until tomorrow. I mean until the day starts again. Right?”
    He nodded, embarrassed. It sounded ridiculous the way she stated it. It sounded ridiculous what ever way it was stated.
    “Let’s forget the whole thing,” he said.
    “No.