Liar by Joanna Gosse Page B

shed, put on her goggles, picked up a chainsaw and attacked a huge cedar stump. In a few minutes she had knocked the stump down to a carvable shape. She picked up her chisel and hammer and laid them down again. Admitting defeat and allowing rejection to creep into her bones, China put her driving license in her pocket, and pulled on her hiking boots. She had long ago formed the habit of putting her license in a pocket if she was out walking without her purse, just in case something awful happened.
    Now she was proud of her foresight because she made an important decision as she started the long, steep climb to the top of One Mountain. When she reached the top she was going to jump off. She patted the license nestled quietly in the pocket of her waterproof jacket, glad that the finder would know who jumped. Not fair to those left behind to wonder what happened to her. She would be orderly and considerate to the end.
    She loved this climb, never did it enough because of the inclement weather. Too much rain made it muddy and with a touch of frost, much too slippery. Today was perfect, with an occasional hint of sun arrowing through the trees, and the smell of damp moss a green comfort to her nose. Here, close to the roots of the trees, the wind lost its power to ruffle her. Halfway up the hill her lungs felt minty clean, and her mind free of grubby self-doubt, purified by the damp sea air.
    She soon reached the wooden platform that offered a rest area and considered her options. A jump off the platform would only land her in trees which could make for a long agonizing death. She continued her slow climb and after much searching, found a spot that was relatively treeless and steep enough if she took a big running leap. It was still not as steep a descent as she would have wished for. She wanted to soar like an eagle before crashing. What good was a leap off a cliff if she couldn't soar? A long, bruising roll into the sea was not very romantic.
    The ideal death was a quick jump, a long swoop, arms outstretched, a loss of consciousness before the plunge into freezing water, and then her body never found because she didn't want to inconvenience some poor fisherman with her bloated, wrecked body. However, that part of the plan was out of her hands and something to be left in the hands of fate. Taking your own life was gall to the gods and some mollifying crumb of chance had to be left as a peace offering. If she were really lucky, they wouldn't notice her flight and she could disappear amongst the fishes while the gods were busy interfering with the fate of some other poor creature.
    China sat down for a breather at the chosen spot and selected the tree around which to wrap her jacket. She checked the smile on her licence (a pretty good picture), zippered the licence back into her jacket pocket, wrapped it securely around the selected tree and sat down to wait for the right moment to leap.
    She listened carefully to the quiet, the pores of her skin enlarging, muscles stretching to feel all she could feel while still in her body. She glanced at her watch and was surprised to see that a half hour had passed and she was feeling a bit too cool. The urge to jump had somehow seeped out of her, but the thought of climbing down to reality was not very comforting, so she waited for something to happen. Her will had turned to mush and inertia had become her foggy companion. More time passed and now she was so cold she could barely move and the light was disappearing. It was much too late to jump and she didn't fancy groping her way down the mountain in the dark. It was time to move or become a tree.
    She decided that the next time she wanted to commit suicide by jumping off One Mountain, she’d remember to bring a flashlight. She unwrapped the arms of her jacket from around the tree and started down the hill, picking up hurry at the promise of a hot cup of Earl Grey tea.
    As she neared the house she thought gratefully about the unborn child