emotionally?”
“Both, I guess.”
“Well, physically I feel much stronger than I thought I would. Especially this soon after surgery, but . . . ”
“But?” Rachel coaxed.
Diane took a deep breath, and then released it. Why not be blunt? She had nothing to lose.
“Emotionally I’m a wreck. I’ll never have children of my own. All I’ve ever wanted for as long as I can remember was to have my own baby.”
“Oh. Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
“Who will want to marry a woman who can’t bear children?” Diane choked out.
Rachel sniffled, but didn’t speak. She just held Diane’s hand and let her weep while stroking her knuckles.
When Diane’s tears subsided, she said, “I’ll be okay. My doctor said it’s natural to feel depressed after an operation, especially a life-altering one like I just had.”
“I’ll keep praying for you.” Rachel’s lashes shone with unshed tears.
Diane wanted to be Rachel’s friend, but she didn’t know if she could bear being around a woman about to give birth, knowing that she’d never have that privilege herself. But it wasn’t Rachel’s fault that she had something Diane would never experience. She offered friendship, and Diane desperately needed a friend.
“Sure. I suppose prayer can’t hurt. I’m just so tired of feeling sad. I need a distraction. Something to keep me occupied while I adjust to this new me. You know what I mean?” Diane nibbled on her lower lip to fend off another round of grief.
“I think I do, actually. I want to tell you the story about how God gave me my husband. It might encourage you.”
“Sure, if you think it’ll help. I’m not exactly busy right now.”
“I was brutally raped a few months before I met Scott. We dated and enjoyed each other’s company as friends, but we never kissed. At the time I was glad because I couldn’t get past what happened to me.”
“How awful.”
“Yeah. But I didn’t know the Lord at the time so my choices weren’t the best. I dumped him for another guy who beat me. His name was Chas.”
“I’ve made some bad choices myself.”
“I didn’t think I could ever have children because of the damage from the rape. I moved away and returned to the college town where I met Scott. That’s when we found each other again. He was still very hurt that I’d dumped him. I begged him to talk to me. When I had a chance to explain, he forgave me. I couldn’t believe it. I’m still humbled.”
“That’s sweet.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have Scott.”
“You seem strong to me even without him.”
“It’s only because I know the Lord. I really trust Him, and I trust Scott. There is a man somewhere who will want you for who you are as a person. A man who won’t focus on what you look like or whether or not you can have kids. A man who’ll love you just for you.”
Tears filled Diane’s eyes. She wanted to know how Rachel stayed so strong. She wanted peace like Rachel had.
“How did you cope when you kissed the first time after . . . you know?”
“Oh, I felt emotionally screwed up for a while. And very insecure. Especially when I focused on my own pain. Yet the more I hurt, the more I leaned on God for strength. I tried to lean on Scott for a while, but relying solely on a man was about as secure as walking in quicksand. People will let you down, but God never will.”
“I haven’t thought much about God since I was a child. I prayed a few times back then, but nothing changed. I heard all the religious stuff sitting in church, but it didn’t seem to relate to my life. I guess I don’t have as much faith as you have.”
“It doesn’t take much faith to believe. Believe me, God can use whatever you give Him, no matter how small. If you ask Him, He will give you the kind of faith you’re longing for.”
“What if all you have to offer God is tainted?”
“Jesus holds His hand out to each one of us. You just need to receive His hand and grab
“Both, I guess.”
“Well, physically I feel much stronger than I thought I would. Especially this soon after surgery, but . . . ”
“But?” Rachel coaxed.
Diane took a deep breath, and then released it. Why not be blunt? She had nothing to lose.
“Emotionally I’m a wreck. I’ll never have children of my own. All I’ve ever wanted for as long as I can remember was to have my own baby.”
“Oh. Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
“Who will want to marry a woman who can’t bear children?” Diane choked out.
Rachel sniffled, but didn’t speak. She just held Diane’s hand and let her weep while stroking her knuckles.
When Diane’s tears subsided, she said, “I’ll be okay. My doctor said it’s natural to feel depressed after an operation, especially a life-altering one like I just had.”
“I’ll keep praying for you.” Rachel’s lashes shone with unshed tears.
Diane wanted to be Rachel’s friend, but she didn’t know if she could bear being around a woman about to give birth, knowing that she’d never have that privilege herself. But it wasn’t Rachel’s fault that she had something Diane would never experience. She offered friendship, and Diane desperately needed a friend.
“Sure. I suppose prayer can’t hurt. I’m just so tired of feeling sad. I need a distraction. Something to keep me occupied while I adjust to this new me. You know what I mean?” Diane nibbled on her lower lip to fend off another round of grief.
“I think I do, actually. I want to tell you the story about how God gave me my husband. It might encourage you.”
“Sure, if you think it’ll help. I’m not exactly busy right now.”
“I was brutally raped a few months before I met Scott. We dated and enjoyed each other’s company as friends, but we never kissed. At the time I was glad because I couldn’t get past what happened to me.”
“How awful.”
“Yeah. But I didn’t know the Lord at the time so my choices weren’t the best. I dumped him for another guy who beat me. His name was Chas.”
“I’ve made some bad choices myself.”
“I didn’t think I could ever have children because of the damage from the rape. I moved away and returned to the college town where I met Scott. That’s when we found each other again. He was still very hurt that I’d dumped him. I begged him to talk to me. When I had a chance to explain, he forgave me. I couldn’t believe it. I’m still humbled.”
“That’s sweet.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have Scott.”
“You seem strong to me even without him.”
“It’s only because I know the Lord. I really trust Him, and I trust Scott. There is a man somewhere who will want you for who you are as a person. A man who won’t focus on what you look like or whether or not you can have kids. A man who’ll love you just for you.”
Tears filled Diane’s eyes. She wanted to know how Rachel stayed so strong. She wanted peace like Rachel had.
“How did you cope when you kissed the first time after . . . you know?”
“Oh, I felt emotionally screwed up for a while. And very insecure. Especially when I focused on my own pain. Yet the more I hurt, the more I leaned on God for strength. I tried to lean on Scott for a while, but relying solely on a man was about as secure as walking in quicksand. People will let you down, but God never will.”
“I haven’t thought much about God since I was a child. I prayed a few times back then, but nothing changed. I heard all the religious stuff sitting in church, but it didn’t seem to relate to my life. I guess I don’t have as much faith as you have.”
“It doesn’t take much faith to believe. Believe me, God can use whatever you give Him, no matter how small. If you ask Him, He will give you the kind of faith you’re longing for.”
“What if all you have to offer God is tainted?”
“Jesus holds His hand out to each one of us. You just need to receive His hand and grab
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