Let Me Tell You Something by Caroline Manzo Page B

system worked well for us and it didn’t undermine my husband’s original decision either.
    We saw so many parents who used their children as pawns when they were fighting, trying to buy their children’s affection at the expense of their relationship with the other parent. Al and I never wanted to be like that. No matter how bad things can get in a marriage, it’s never appropriate to pin all the hard calls on your husband just so you can play good cop. Even if you come to hate your spouse, you have to respect that your partner is just as much your kid’s parent as you are.
    We were so careful to never disagree that we had a rule: if the kids sprung something on us that we weren’t prepared for, we’d tell them we’d let them know later. We’d meet up in private and discuss it, and we’d deliver our verdict later. To this day, when the kids ask Al about something, his answer will always be, “What did your mother say?”—and I’m beyond proud to say that my husband of thirty years and I have never fought about something to do with our kids.
    Overprotective parents
raise underprepared kids.
    Kids are kids, not idiots. I keep seeing “experts” on TV talking about how it’s important to shield kids from the harsh realities of the world when they’re too young to understand. This kind of advice makes me see red. Children have to realize that there is hurt in the real world, and it’s up to the parents to make sure they’re prepared to deal with it.
    You need to raise warriors. Kids can’t win every contest or be student of the month every month. They have to be benched on the team and earn their spot to play. They aren’t going to be invited to every birthday party, and that’s OK. Not everyone in the world is going to like them, that’s the truth. It’s your job as a parent, especially when your children are very young, to get them ready for the day when you’re not there to defend them. If you keep your children in a protective bubble, they will never survive in the real world.
    I’ll never forget when the kids were younger and one of their friend’s parents was shocked by my decision to allow them to watch Rugrats ! This parent told me that she had banned her kids from watching the show because the cartoon characters bickered and called each other “stupid”—I was incredulous. I looked this woman straight in the eye. “What the hell are you talking about, lady?” I said. Life is not all lollipops and roses. To not prepare your child for the real world is the biggest disservice you could ever do to your children.
    Our kids watched Bambi and every single Disney movie ever made—and when there was a sad part we talked about it. It’s crazy to me when parents won’t let their kids watch this classic movie. I truly believe they’re robbing them of an experience that is an integral part of modern childhood. It’s not a violent bloody portrayal—it’s a sad fact of life, beautifully handled. My kids understood that sometimes sad things happen in life, but life goes on and what matters most is how you handle those unfortunate situations.
    From a young age our kids were exposed to many of the harsher realities in life, including the concept of being homeless. On the morning of December 26 each year, we asked the kids to go through their room and pull out anything they didn’t want anymore, from clothes to toys to books. They gave me their goods and we’d put their castoffs on a table at The Brownstone during the charity lunch later that day. The homeless kids would throw themselves at the table. They’d be so excited to get something that my kids had thrown away. We’d make them see that something that they had discarded was making another child so happy, that was the lesson we wanted them to learn. We pushed our kids to go and introduce themselves to these