leaned closer, staring intently at her for what felt like entirely too long for comfort. “I chose you, Stella. First. I chose you first. But you didn’t seem to be feeling it.” He shrugged and leaned back, giving her some much needed space.
Stella swallowed hard and did her best to step off the train speeding straight toward Awkwardville. “Um, yeah. I know I was distracted a lot. I just had a lot going on and—”
“And I was too lame to hold your attention?”
She shook her head. “No. God, Nash. It so wasn’t—”
“Please, if you ever cared about me at all, do not say, ‘It wasn’t you, it was me.’ My pride will shrivel up and die. And my dick probably will too.”
She laughed, despite his pained expression. She did her best to console him. “But it was me. I threw myself into studying, into being perfect and making perfect grades. Between being a TA, my internship, and classes, there just wasn’t much left for a relationship. None of that is on you.”
His forehead creased for a moment before he grinned. “Okay, so it was you.”
“It was. It so was.”
“Not to be an ass or anything, but can I ask why you felt like you had to be so perfect all the time? Wasn’t it kind of…”
“Exhausting?” she finished for him. “Yeah, it was. But I’ve always been that way. I don’t really know why.”
Well that wasn’t exactly true. She knew why. It was the same reason she’d raced all those years, the same reason she’d practiced day and night, taken extra riding lessons, and done whatever it took. Every time she ventured into anything—riding, school, work, any of it. She’d tell herself that if she could just get it right, just be the best, be undeniably flawless, her daddy would finally look at her, really look, and tell her he was proud of her. Or maybe even just acknowledge that she existed.
But no matter how pleased her mom was with her riding, her awards, or her grades, her dad had the same response. A passing nod. A grunt that sounded like, “All right.”
She swallowed the painful, jagged lump of rejection that rose in her throat whenever she let herself think about him and focused on the handsome man-boy across from her.
“Nash, if you came here to talk about—”
“I came here to visit Cain. And because I wanted to see you. So I could apologize.”
Stella was confused. “Apologize for what exactly?”
Nash stared down at his hands on the table. When he looked up, his smile was heavy with regret.
“For not trying harder. For not making the kind of effort I should have.” He smirked when he saw what probably looked like detached amusement on her face. “Not that it matters now. But for the record, if I could do it over again, I would’ve been less self-centered, less involved in the Phi Kap stuff, and paid more attention to you, tried to figure out what you needed from me.”
“I don’t understand.” Where in the world was all of this coming from? Why now? Why here? “Did something happen with you and Tess?”
She didn’t keep in touch with her roommate, didn’t really pay attention to her own social media accounts much less anyone else’s, but she figured she’d have seen something if they’d broken up. And she didn’t expect that breaking things off with Tess would send Nash back in her direction. The truth was, she’d never actually needed anything from him. Which may have been why it wasn’t too hard to let go.
“No.” Nash shook his head. “Everything’s good. Tess and I are great. Just…I don’t know. After graduation, starting my big-boy job at my dad’s law firm, I guess I’ve had more time to think about things.” He lifted a shoulder and let it drop. “And sometimes, you run across my mind. The beautiful distracted girl who was mine for a brief moment in time.”
“How poetic.”
Stella’s entire body jolted to life at the low rumble of Van Ransom’s voice from beside her. She and Nash both looked over at the man casting a
Stella swallowed hard and did her best to step off the train speeding straight toward Awkwardville. “Um, yeah. I know I was distracted a lot. I just had a lot going on and—”
“And I was too lame to hold your attention?”
She shook her head. “No. God, Nash. It so wasn’t—”
“Please, if you ever cared about me at all, do not say, ‘It wasn’t you, it was me.’ My pride will shrivel up and die. And my dick probably will too.”
She laughed, despite his pained expression. She did her best to console him. “But it was me. I threw myself into studying, into being perfect and making perfect grades. Between being a TA, my internship, and classes, there just wasn’t much left for a relationship. None of that is on you.”
His forehead creased for a moment before he grinned. “Okay, so it was you.”
“It was. It so was.”
“Not to be an ass or anything, but can I ask why you felt like you had to be so perfect all the time? Wasn’t it kind of…”
“Exhausting?” she finished for him. “Yeah, it was. But I’ve always been that way. I don’t really know why.”
Well that wasn’t exactly true. She knew why. It was the same reason she’d raced all those years, the same reason she’d practiced day and night, taken extra riding lessons, and done whatever it took. Every time she ventured into anything—riding, school, work, any of it. She’d tell herself that if she could just get it right, just be the best, be undeniably flawless, her daddy would finally look at her, really look, and tell her he was proud of her. Or maybe even just acknowledge that she existed.
But no matter how pleased her mom was with her riding, her awards, or her grades, her dad had the same response. A passing nod. A grunt that sounded like, “All right.”
She swallowed the painful, jagged lump of rejection that rose in her throat whenever she let herself think about him and focused on the handsome man-boy across from her.
“Nash, if you came here to talk about—”
“I came here to visit Cain. And because I wanted to see you. So I could apologize.”
Stella was confused. “Apologize for what exactly?”
Nash stared down at his hands on the table. When he looked up, his smile was heavy with regret.
“For not trying harder. For not making the kind of effort I should have.” He smirked when he saw what probably looked like detached amusement on her face. “Not that it matters now. But for the record, if I could do it over again, I would’ve been less self-centered, less involved in the Phi Kap stuff, and paid more attention to you, tried to figure out what you needed from me.”
“I don’t understand.” Where in the world was all of this coming from? Why now? Why here? “Did something happen with you and Tess?”
She didn’t keep in touch with her roommate, didn’t really pay attention to her own social media accounts much less anyone else’s, but she figured she’d have seen something if they’d broken up. And she didn’t expect that breaking things off with Tess would send Nash back in her direction. The truth was, she’d never actually needed anything from him. Which may have been why it wasn’t too hard to let go.
“No.” Nash shook his head. “Everything’s good. Tess and I are great. Just…I don’t know. After graduation, starting my big-boy job at my dad’s law firm, I guess I’ve had more time to think about things.” He lifted a shoulder and let it drop. “And sometimes, you run across my mind. The beautiful distracted girl who was mine for a brief moment in time.”
“How poetic.”
Stella’s entire body jolted to life at the low rumble of Van Ransom’s voice from beside her. She and Nash both looked over at the man casting a
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