[Lanen Kaelar 01] - Song in the Silence by Elizabeth Kerner

hate
long goodbyes. If I’m not to go with you I’ve no more business here, and to be
honest I couldn’t bear sitting around tonight waiting for you to leave. I’m off
back to Hadronsstead tonight. I’ll only need long enough to pack.”
    I stared at him. “But Jamie—”
    “Now, don’t you do it. You’re right, it’s
best this way. You’ve the rest of the day to have a look at the fair, be sure
you do, it’s an amazing thing.” The White Horse’ Inn was before us.
“I’ll not be five minutes packing, just you off and find the lads and tell
them to get themselves ready. You get Shadow ready to go and I’ll meet you in
the tavern of the White Horse in a few minutes. Now be off with you!”
    I left him in a daze. The lads I found all
together at a stall selling ale in the horse fair grounds and told them they
were leaving. I had expected to find them not best pleased, but they seemed not
to feel too hard done by. I brought one of them with me to the White Horse to
fetch Shadow, and left him to wait for the others while I talked with Jamie.
    He was already in the tavern. We didn’t take long
to make our few arrangements. I decided that I had too much silver with me
already, and sent my share of the profits back with Jamie. I stood by miserably
while he had a farewell drink. He managed to chat lightly of the trip back, how
it was always so much faster and easier than the trip out; of what he would
have to tell Walther, of the new way things would be done now that he was
Walther’s partner rather than his foreman and more than partner, his overlord,
as I have your voice as well as my own, he said with a wicked smile.
    “Now, Jamie, don’t rub his nose in it,”
I managed, trying to keep my voice light. “The poor soul is helpless
enough as it is.”
    He grinned at me. “If I didn’t know better I’d
think you had a soft spot in your heart for him.”
    “Soft enough to flatten him,” I
replied. “But I didn’t kick him when he was down. Perhaps you’re right, I
must like him better than I thought.”
    Jamie finished his drink. “There now,
that’ll keep me on the road until nightfall. Time I was off.” I followed
him out into the yard. All three of the lads were there, idly chatting, and
holding Shadow and Jamie’s Blaze along with their own mounts. Jamie turned to
me. “Now, then, my girl, I’ll bid you farewell,” he said. “Mind
what I’ve taught you. Keep your wits about you, and try not to kill that Bors
if he cormes pestering you again.”
    I laughed, as he knew I would. “I promise
I’ll only wound him.” I reached out to him and he gathered me in his arms
and held me close. I was taken with a trembling. “Oh, Jamie,” I
whispered. He did not speak for a moment, only pulled me to his heart and
embraced me with all his strength. “Lanen, daughter, go you safe and keep
you safe, and come safe home to me,” he whispered, his voice rising at the
end as his throat tightened.        .        .
    The smell of him, the feel of his arms around me,
love and strength from my earliest childhood—I could not speak.
    He loosed me from his embrace and ‘mounted his
horse. Holding out his hand to me, he drew me to his side and kissed me on my
forehead like any father seeing a child off into the world. He held my eyes
with his one long moment, then turned Blaze to the west gate out of Illara. He
did not look back. The lads followed him, waving cheery goodbyes to me, and I
soon lost sight of them among all the others on the road.
    I dried my tears on my shirtsleeve. It was a
strange feeling, being alone at last. My heart was full of his words and his
look, but there seemed to be an empty space all around me where Jamie should
be, had always been.
    He called me daughter.
    No matter that Maran never knew, no matter that
we could never be sure—he was my father in every sense that mattered.
    I wrapped my arms around myself. Despite the
early afternoon sun, there was a chill wind blowing