watched as he ran quickly to a small shed to the right of us and ducked behind that. A few seconds later, I saw him emerge from there and sprint through the snow to the inner tube, swooping it up and hanging it on his shoulder as he ran back. He ducked behind the shed again. I laughed softly into my hand, covered in a thick sock with a plastic bag over it, tied around my wrist. Makeshift waterproof gloves.
As I waited for him, my mind moved to what he'd told me back at his house. I'd been horrified, stunned when I'd considered it back at my trailer. But somewhere inside, I'd known it was true. When he'd confirmed it, though, it shocked me all over again. Poor Kyland . . . living alone for all that time . . . grieving his whole family—all by himself. No one at all to help him through it. And then, the loneliness. How had he survived it? I suddenly understood his need to get out of Dennville. I understood his need to make a life for himself somewhere that didn't remind him of the deep pain he must have lived with all these years. And it made me want to love him. Which wasn't good. At all. Because he wouldn't love me back. He wouldn't allow himself to love me back even if he wanted to, which he might not. And I guessed that had to be okay. I guessed I couldn't even really blame him. He avoided commitment, but not girls, while I avoided boys completely—both of us tarnished by abandonment.
He ran back to the grove of trees, breathing hard, his cheeks flushed and a smile on his lips. And he looked as beautiful as I'd ever seen him.
Ugh. Double ugh.
"Ready?" I whispered.
"Yeah," he breathed out, still smiling.
We headed up the hill after snagging a second inner tube from Cletus Rucker in the same fashion as the one we'd snagged from Dell Walker. Kyland led me up the hill to a spot he promised was the best sledding hill on the mountain. He wasn't wrong.
When we stepped through a forest of pines, we were standing at the top of a hill that dropped off in a perfect slope, one that was steep, but long, and ended with plenty of time to come to a stop on the flat surface at the bottom before a new forest started.
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, looking down at it. "Marlo will die when she sees that we missed this one all these years."
Kyland nodded. "Uh uh. You're not allowed to disclose the location of this sledding hill. It's top secret. Classified."
I laughed. "Okay. But how'd you find it?"
He set his inner tube down at the top of the hill and I followed suit, setting mine next to his. "My brother found it. He loved these hills. We explored every inch of them, I swear." He didn't smile, but something in his expression looked tender. I took his hand and his eyes rose to meet mine, almost shyly, as if he was remembering being a little boy.
"Let's hold hands as we go down."
He nodded and we both sat down on the inner tubes and positioned our bodies.
Kyland looked over at me, a look that I loved on his face—and one I'd never seen before—one of breathless anticipation, like something really good was about to happen. His expression made my breath catch in my throat. There was something so pure about it, as if I was seeing him for the very first time. It was perfect unabashed delight, and I was part of it. I didn't want the moment to pass before I'd committed it to memory.
"Ready?" he asked softly.
"Ready."
I looked out over that hill, the trees below us and the town of Dennville even farther below those, smoke rising lazily out of the chimneys, the tobacco farms just dots on the horizon. From up here, there was only peace, only freedom and beauty. I sucked in a huge breath as if I could capture the feeling of that moment in my lungs and hold it there forever.
We both leaned forward and grasped hands, our inner tubes gliding faster and faster down the hill, gaining speed so quickly that I threw my head back and screamed and then laughed uncontrollably. The wind whipped through my hair and Kyland's hand held mine tightly,
As I waited for him, my mind moved to what he'd told me back at his house. I'd been horrified, stunned when I'd considered it back at my trailer. But somewhere inside, I'd known it was true. When he'd confirmed it, though, it shocked me all over again. Poor Kyland . . . living alone for all that time . . . grieving his whole family—all by himself. No one at all to help him through it. And then, the loneliness. How had he survived it? I suddenly understood his need to get out of Dennville. I understood his need to make a life for himself somewhere that didn't remind him of the deep pain he must have lived with all these years. And it made me want to love him. Which wasn't good. At all. Because he wouldn't love me back. He wouldn't allow himself to love me back even if he wanted to, which he might not. And I guessed that had to be okay. I guessed I couldn't even really blame him. He avoided commitment, but not girls, while I avoided boys completely—both of us tarnished by abandonment.
He ran back to the grove of trees, breathing hard, his cheeks flushed and a smile on his lips. And he looked as beautiful as I'd ever seen him.
Ugh. Double ugh.
"Ready?" I whispered.
"Yeah," he breathed out, still smiling.
We headed up the hill after snagging a second inner tube from Cletus Rucker in the same fashion as the one we'd snagged from Dell Walker. Kyland led me up the hill to a spot he promised was the best sledding hill on the mountain. He wasn't wrong.
When we stepped through a forest of pines, we were standing at the top of a hill that dropped off in a perfect slope, one that was steep, but long, and ended with plenty of time to come to a stop on the flat surface at the bottom before a new forest started.
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed, looking down at it. "Marlo will die when she sees that we missed this one all these years."
Kyland nodded. "Uh uh. You're not allowed to disclose the location of this sledding hill. It's top secret. Classified."
I laughed. "Okay. But how'd you find it?"
He set his inner tube down at the top of the hill and I followed suit, setting mine next to his. "My brother found it. He loved these hills. We explored every inch of them, I swear." He didn't smile, but something in his expression looked tender. I took his hand and his eyes rose to meet mine, almost shyly, as if he was remembering being a little boy.
"Let's hold hands as we go down."
He nodded and we both sat down on the inner tubes and positioned our bodies.
Kyland looked over at me, a look that I loved on his face—and one I'd never seen before—one of breathless anticipation, like something really good was about to happen. His expression made my breath catch in my throat. There was something so pure about it, as if I was seeing him for the very first time. It was perfect unabashed delight, and I was part of it. I didn't want the moment to pass before I'd committed it to memory.
"Ready?" he asked softly.
"Ready."
I looked out over that hill, the trees below us and the town of Dennville even farther below those, smoke rising lazily out of the chimneys, the tobacco farms just dots on the horizon. From up here, there was only peace, only freedom and beauty. I sucked in a huge breath as if I could capture the feeling of that moment in my lungs and hold it there forever.
We both leaned forward and grasped hands, our inner tubes gliding faster and faster down the hill, gaining speed so quickly that I threw my head back and screamed and then laughed uncontrollably. The wind whipped through my hair and Kyland's hand held mine tightly,
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