was alone. I waited and waited for her to come back for me, but she never did." I took a deep breath. "I didn't want to be sent to foster care. I wanted the chance at that scholarship. I wanted a chance at . . . life . And the only way I was going to get it is if I kept working toward it. And so when people asked, I said she was laid up." I shrugged.
"No wonder," she said sadly.
"No wonder what?"
"No wonder you hate it here so much."
I stared into her eyes.
"You don't have to be lonely anymore." She reached her hand out and grabbed mine, a look of sorrow in her eyes. Her hand was cold and soft. It felt small within my own.
"Tenleigh . . . you don't understand. Whether I win that scholarship, or whether I don't, I'm leaving here. In a few short months, I'm leaving. If by some small chance I don't win that scholarship, I'll sell everything of any value in this house and I'll hitchhike out of here. I'll get a job somewhere and work my way across the country. I won't stay here. No matter what. I can't work in that mine. And I can't be hungry anymore. I'll leave here, and I won't look back. I'll never think about Dennville, Kentucky again."
Her eyes wandered over my face for several beats before she nodded, releasing my hand. "You already said that. And I told you that's okay."
Jesus. This girl.
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"I really, truly mean it. You have a friend." She smiled at me hopefully. And yet something moved behind her eyes.
Friends. Yeah. That's what we'd decided. It hadn't made me happy last night and it didn't make me happy now.
The molecules in the air surrounding us seemed to speed up and heat the space around our bodies. "So," she said brightly, "I brought you a Christmas present."
I slowly raised an eyebrow, trying to shake off the heat that had started buzzing through my system. I wanted her. I wanted to strip her naked. I wanted to thrust into her, hard and fast, and watch her face as I did it. I wanted to know what she was thinking as my body filled hers. I wanted to hear her talk, hear the way the Kentucky twang she tried to hide became more pronounced when she was emotional in some way. I wanted to see that fiery side of her that only came out every once in a while, like a sudden and stunning bolt of lightning racing through a clear, cloudless sky. I wanted to take her virginity—and not gently. I wanted to hurt her like she was hurting me each time I looked at her. I wanted to mark her, claim her, let everyone know that she belonged to me and only me.
Fuck!
No.
No.
No.
I couldn't let myself think any of that. I was leaving here and I was leaving Tenleigh behind. That was that. I wasn't such a jackass that I would de-virginize her and then split town never to contact her again. I wouldn't do it—not to her or to myself. I wanted a fresh start. I didn't want to leave any part of myself in Dennville. I had worked four fucking years for that. And it was right within my grasp. A beautiful girl with a spirit so bright I wanted to squint when I looked at her was not going to derail me now.
She took something out of the paper bag she'd set on the floor and looked at me quizzically. "That's a really intense look on your face."
I snapped to the present. "Sorry. Just thinking."
Tenleigh cocked her head. "Can we try not thinking today? Just for today? Can it be like last night when we just enjoyed each other? That wasn't so bad, was it?" She looked up at me through her lashes.
"No, that's the problem. I'm going to want more."
She blinked at me.
"Shit, Tenleigh." I ran my hand through my hair and turned away from her. "This isn't . . ." I sighed loudly. "What do you have for me there?"
She suddenly looked uncertain. "Uh . . . well," she stared down at the small object wrapped in tissue in her hands briefly and chuckled uncomfortably, "this suddenly seems weird."
I raised an eyebrow. "Now I really want it." I reached my hand out and she hesitated, but then put the object in my hand. It looked
"No wonder," she said sadly.
"No wonder what?"
"No wonder you hate it here so much."
I stared into her eyes.
"You don't have to be lonely anymore." She reached her hand out and grabbed mine, a look of sorrow in her eyes. Her hand was cold and soft. It felt small within my own.
"Tenleigh . . . you don't understand. Whether I win that scholarship, or whether I don't, I'm leaving here. In a few short months, I'm leaving. If by some small chance I don't win that scholarship, I'll sell everything of any value in this house and I'll hitchhike out of here. I'll get a job somewhere and work my way across the country. I won't stay here. No matter what. I can't work in that mine. And I can't be hungry anymore. I'll leave here, and I won't look back. I'll never think about Dennville, Kentucky again."
Her eyes wandered over my face for several beats before she nodded, releasing my hand. "You already said that. And I told you that's okay."
Jesus. This girl.
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"I really, truly mean it. You have a friend." She smiled at me hopefully. And yet something moved behind her eyes.
Friends. Yeah. That's what we'd decided. It hadn't made me happy last night and it didn't make me happy now.
The molecules in the air surrounding us seemed to speed up and heat the space around our bodies. "So," she said brightly, "I brought you a Christmas present."
I slowly raised an eyebrow, trying to shake off the heat that had started buzzing through my system. I wanted her. I wanted to strip her naked. I wanted to thrust into her, hard and fast, and watch her face as I did it. I wanted to know what she was thinking as my body filled hers. I wanted to hear her talk, hear the way the Kentucky twang she tried to hide became more pronounced when she was emotional in some way. I wanted to see that fiery side of her that only came out every once in a while, like a sudden and stunning bolt of lightning racing through a clear, cloudless sky. I wanted to take her virginity—and not gently. I wanted to hurt her like she was hurting me each time I looked at her. I wanted to mark her, claim her, let everyone know that she belonged to me and only me.
Fuck!
No.
No.
No.
I couldn't let myself think any of that. I was leaving here and I was leaving Tenleigh behind. That was that. I wasn't such a jackass that I would de-virginize her and then split town never to contact her again. I wouldn't do it—not to her or to myself. I wanted a fresh start. I didn't want to leave any part of myself in Dennville. I had worked four fucking years for that. And it was right within my grasp. A beautiful girl with a spirit so bright I wanted to squint when I looked at her was not going to derail me now.
She took something out of the paper bag she'd set on the floor and looked at me quizzically. "That's a really intense look on your face."
I snapped to the present. "Sorry. Just thinking."
Tenleigh cocked her head. "Can we try not thinking today? Just for today? Can it be like last night when we just enjoyed each other? That wasn't so bad, was it?" She looked up at me through her lashes.
"No, that's the problem. I'm going to want more."
She blinked at me.
"Shit, Tenleigh." I ran my hand through my hair and turned away from her. "This isn't . . ." I sighed loudly. "What do you have for me there?"
She suddenly looked uncertain. "Uh . . . well," she stared down at the small object wrapped in tissue in her hands briefly and chuckled uncomfortably, "this suddenly seems weird."
I raised an eyebrow. "Now I really want it." I reached my hand out and she hesitated, but then put the object in my hand. It looked
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