turned her crystalline blue eyes on Drake.
"Carl, darling, why don't you tell Victoria our little secret?"
"While you're at it, tell me, too," Steve instructed.
Victoria stiffened. She'd already had enough surprises for today.
The waiter delivered three slices of Key lime pie— mother and daughter would split theirs—and Drake straightened in his chair. "Well, Victoria, it seems your mother and I are related. Distant cousins, you might say."
"Not quite kissing cousins," Irene chirped. "See, dear, my grandmother's maiden name was Drake and if you go back far enough, our Drakes were related to Carl's family."
"Fascinating." Steve was using his fork to spread the whipped cream over the pie filling.
"I haven't gotten to the best part," Irene prattled. "If you go back four hundred years to England, both Carl and I are descended from Sir Francis Drake."
"The pirate?" Steve asked. "That explains a lot, Irene."
"Privateer," Carl Drake corrected. "Queen Elizabeth issued official papers that allowed Drake to plunder Spanish ships."
"Like the Bush administration and Halliburton," Steve said, agreeably.
"Isn't it exciting, Victoria?" Irene said. "We're descended from a famous sea captain."
"My old man thinks we're descended from King Solomon," Steve said. "Of course, he's off his rocker."
"Captain Drake enjoyed an especially close relationship with Her Majesty," Carl said. "So close that the name Virgin Queen might have been a misnomer."
Irene chuckled and Steve burped at the risqué little joke.
"Drake amassed millions in gold and jewels. When he died in 1596, the Crown confiscated his fortune. Now, you might think all that loot went to the royal family. But it didn't. Elizabeth still carried the torch for that handsome rascal. She created the Drake Trust, later administered by the Royal Bank. Well, the money was never spent and never disbursed. It was invested and just kept growing and growing for four centuries. It's now worth north of thirty billion dollars."
"You're quite the expert on the subject," Victoria observed.
"It started as a hobby," Carl confessed. "Once I learned I was related to Captain Drake, I started constructing the family tree. It's quite a task, mind you. All those generations. I didn't even know about the money until the trustees contacted me and offered quite a tidy sum for my research."
"A tidy sum," Steve repeated. "I always wondered what an untidy sum might be."
"My work could save them years of going through musty documents in libraries and museums."
"Why do they want the family tree?" Victoria asked.
"To locate the heirs," Irene answered. "Isn't that right, Carl?"
"Precisely. By a secret ballot, the trustees recently voted to disburse the monies to all known blood relatives of Captain Drake. They want to close the estate."
"I know probate takes a long time, but four hundred years?" Steve questioned.
"It's quite unprecedented; but then, there's never been a case like this," Drake said. "I've located two thousand nine hundred and twelve descendants. The trustees estimate there are another six hundred or so. Thirty billion dollars going to thirty-five hundred heirs. As the kids say, do the math."
"I don't know, Drake. You tell me." Steve's eyes were closed as he savored a huge bite of the tart pie.
"About eight and a half million for each heir," Drake said.
Steve's eyes popped open. "You're saying Irene is going to get eight million bucks ?"
"Give or take, once she's a certified descendant."
"Irene, have I told you how exceptionally lovely you look tonight?" Steve said.
The Queen rolled her eyes.
"And how much I've always admired you for your . . ." He seemed stumped. "Poise and porpoise," he finished triumphantly.
"Stop being so silly, Stephen," Irene said. "What do you think of my good fortune?"
Steve turned back to Drake. "What's it gonna cost her?"
"Cost?" Drake seemed bewildered. "What do you mean?"
"All these heirs. They've gotta fill out forms, right? Affidavits. Birth
"Carl, darling, why don't you tell Victoria our little secret?"
"While you're at it, tell me, too," Steve instructed.
Victoria stiffened. She'd already had enough surprises for today.
The waiter delivered three slices of Key lime pie— mother and daughter would split theirs—and Drake straightened in his chair. "Well, Victoria, it seems your mother and I are related. Distant cousins, you might say."
"Not quite kissing cousins," Irene chirped. "See, dear, my grandmother's maiden name was Drake and if you go back far enough, our Drakes were related to Carl's family."
"Fascinating." Steve was using his fork to spread the whipped cream over the pie filling.
"I haven't gotten to the best part," Irene prattled. "If you go back four hundred years to England, both Carl and I are descended from Sir Francis Drake."
"The pirate?" Steve asked. "That explains a lot, Irene."
"Privateer," Carl Drake corrected. "Queen Elizabeth issued official papers that allowed Drake to plunder Spanish ships."
"Like the Bush administration and Halliburton," Steve said, agreeably.
"Isn't it exciting, Victoria?" Irene said. "We're descended from a famous sea captain."
"My old man thinks we're descended from King Solomon," Steve said. "Of course, he's off his rocker."
"Captain Drake enjoyed an especially close relationship with Her Majesty," Carl said. "So close that the name Virgin Queen might have been a misnomer."
Irene chuckled and Steve burped at the risqué little joke.
"Drake amassed millions in gold and jewels. When he died in 1596, the Crown confiscated his fortune. Now, you might think all that loot went to the royal family. But it didn't. Elizabeth still carried the torch for that handsome rascal. She created the Drake Trust, later administered by the Royal Bank. Well, the money was never spent and never disbursed. It was invested and just kept growing and growing for four centuries. It's now worth north of thirty billion dollars."
"You're quite the expert on the subject," Victoria observed.
"It started as a hobby," Carl confessed. "Once I learned I was related to Captain Drake, I started constructing the family tree. It's quite a task, mind you. All those generations. I didn't even know about the money until the trustees contacted me and offered quite a tidy sum for my research."
"A tidy sum," Steve repeated. "I always wondered what an untidy sum might be."
"My work could save them years of going through musty documents in libraries and museums."
"Why do they want the family tree?" Victoria asked.
"To locate the heirs," Irene answered. "Isn't that right, Carl?"
"Precisely. By a secret ballot, the trustees recently voted to disburse the monies to all known blood relatives of Captain Drake. They want to close the estate."
"I know probate takes a long time, but four hundred years?" Steve questioned.
"It's quite unprecedented; but then, there's never been a case like this," Drake said. "I've located two thousand nine hundred and twelve descendants. The trustees estimate there are another six hundred or so. Thirty billion dollars going to thirty-five hundred heirs. As the kids say, do the math."
"I don't know, Drake. You tell me." Steve's eyes were closed as he savored a huge bite of the tart pie.
"About eight and a half million for each heir," Drake said.
Steve's eyes popped open. "You're saying Irene is going to get eight million bucks ?"
"Give or take, once she's a certified descendant."
"Irene, have I told you how exceptionally lovely you look tonight?" Steve said.
The Queen rolled her eyes.
"And how much I've always admired you for your . . ." He seemed stumped. "Poise and porpoise," he finished triumphantly.
"Stop being so silly, Stephen," Irene said. "What do you think of my good fortune?"
Steve turned back to Drake. "What's it gonna cost her?"
"Cost?" Drake seemed bewildered. "What do you mean?"
"All these heirs. They've gotta fill out forms, right? Affidavits. Birth
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