jealous of Corey. And I didn’t even know you were …” My throat gets tight.
“That I was
what
?”
“Going out with … Matt.”
“Yeah right, I’m sure you didn’t.”
“I didn’t!”
“Gee, I wonder why I don’t believe you.”
“Tell her I didn’t know!” I yell at Matt.
“Like I’m really going to trust you guys.” Audrey’s glare is ice-cold. “This isn’t over,” she threatens. Then she storms off.
“Why—” I start to ask Matt. But he runs after Audrey, leaving me behind.
“What just happened?” Sherae says.
“You heard
already
?”
“Everyone’s talking about it.” Sherae glances back at the cafeteria. After Matt abandoned me, I stayed out at our place until Spanish started. No way was I going to class. I could feel how puffy my eyes were from crying. I couldn’t stop shaking. Sherae has lunch fourth period, so I snuck over to the cafeteria and waved her out.
“They are?” I say.
Sherae looks at me. “No, not
everyone
,” she backtracks. “Just … some people heard from Audrey.”
“Heard what?”
“You know Audrey. She’s saying you stole Matt from her or some such nonsense.”
“I didn’t even know they were going out!”
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
I tell her everything. The words squish my heart like a sponge. Then the tears come back in a rush.
“Here.” Sherae brings me down the hall a little. We sit against the wall.
When I can talk again, I say, “I thought Matt and I could be together for real. I thought if I just gave him more time, he’d realize that he loves me. And that he’d want everyone to know we’re together.” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “He said he wanted to be with me. He said he cared about me. He was the only one who could be my boyfriend and now he’s gone. I just can’t believe—”
“Where are you girls supposed to be?” a security officer interrupts.
“Lunch,” Sherae tells him.
“Both of you?”
“Yes.” She grabs my arm. “We’re going in.”
We might have gotten away with it if the lunch monitor wasn’t one of those annoying people who remember every little thing.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” he informs me, blocking the door.
“Yeah, I have lit mag now.”
“Fifth period?”
“Yeah.”
“This is fourth.”
Man, he’s good.
I tell Sherae I’ll meet her at her locker before fifth. Then I sneak down to the bathroom I used to hide out in. I was hoping that I wouldn’t ever have to hide in there again. But that’s the thing about life. You can never trade yours in for a better one.
Note about Noelle Wexler found on the floor of biology class in ninth grade, written on wide-ruled binder paper in alternating pink and blue ink:
Of course the whole school knows by the end of the day.
Including Julian.
I wonder which version of the rumor he heard. Probably the one where Matt and I were doing it in the middle of the tennis court.
When Julian finds me at my locker after school, I don’t even try to escape. I just hope this part of the truth will make him feel better.
“Guess what I heard,” he says.
“How many guesses do I get?”
“Is any of it true?”
“What did you hear?”
“That you were going out with Matt Brennan.”
“Then I guess you heard right.”
“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”
“No one did.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry. It’s complicated.”
Julian shakes his head.
I wait. I don’t know what to say.
“Whatever,” Julian says.
For the second time today, I watch a boy I love walk away from me.
Matt wasn’t the only reason I can’t be with Julian. But it’s easier to let him think it was.
fourteen
wednesday, may 4
(32 days left)
When your heart is shattered into a million pieces, all you can do is try to keep holding on. You breathe. You try to fall asleep. You try to not think about him.
Last night was a million years long. I kept looking at the clock, willing it to be
“That I was
what
?”
“Going out with … Matt.”
“Yeah right, I’m sure you didn’t.”
“I didn’t!”
“Gee, I wonder why I don’t believe you.”
“Tell her I didn’t know!” I yell at Matt.
“Like I’m really going to trust you guys.” Audrey’s glare is ice-cold. “This isn’t over,” she threatens. Then she storms off.
“Why—” I start to ask Matt. But he runs after Audrey, leaving me behind.
“What just happened?” Sherae says.
“You heard
already
?”
“Everyone’s talking about it.” Sherae glances back at the cafeteria. After Matt abandoned me, I stayed out at our place until Spanish started. No way was I going to class. I could feel how puffy my eyes were from crying. I couldn’t stop shaking. Sherae has lunch fourth period, so I snuck over to the cafeteria and waved her out.
“They are?” I say.
Sherae looks at me. “No, not
everyone
,” she backtracks. “Just … some people heard from Audrey.”
“Heard what?”
“You know Audrey. She’s saying you stole Matt from her or some such nonsense.”
“I didn’t even know they were going out!”
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
I tell her everything. The words squish my heart like a sponge. Then the tears come back in a rush.
“Here.” Sherae brings me down the hall a little. We sit against the wall.
When I can talk again, I say, “I thought Matt and I could be together for real. I thought if I just gave him more time, he’d realize that he loves me. And that he’d want everyone to know we’re together.” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “He said he wanted to be with me. He said he cared about me. He was the only one who could be my boyfriend and now he’s gone. I just can’t believe—”
“Where are you girls supposed to be?” a security officer interrupts.
“Lunch,” Sherae tells him.
“Both of you?”
“Yes.” She grabs my arm. “We’re going in.”
We might have gotten away with it if the lunch monitor wasn’t one of those annoying people who remember every little thing.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” he informs me, blocking the door.
“Yeah, I have lit mag now.”
“Fifth period?”
“Yeah.”
“This is fourth.”
Man, he’s good.
I tell Sherae I’ll meet her at her locker before fifth. Then I sneak down to the bathroom I used to hide out in. I was hoping that I wouldn’t ever have to hide in there again. But that’s the thing about life. You can never trade yours in for a better one.
Note about Noelle Wexler found on the floor of biology class in ninth grade, written on wide-ruled binder paper in alternating pink and blue ink:
Of course the whole school knows by the end of the day.
Including Julian.
I wonder which version of the rumor he heard. Probably the one where Matt and I were doing it in the middle of the tennis court.
When Julian finds me at my locker after school, I don’t even try to escape. I just hope this part of the truth will make him feel better.
“Guess what I heard,” he says.
“How many guesses do I get?”
“Is any of it true?”
“What did you hear?”
“That you were going out with Matt Brennan.”
“Then I guess you heard right.”
“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”
“No one did.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry. It’s complicated.”
Julian shakes his head.
I wait. I don’t know what to say.
“Whatever,” Julian says.
For the second time today, I watch a boy I love walk away from me.
Matt wasn’t the only reason I can’t be with Julian. But it’s easier to let him think it was.
fourteen
wednesday, may 4
(32 days left)
When your heart is shattered into a million pieces, all you can do is try to keep holding on. You breathe. You try to fall asleep. You try to not think about him.
Last night was a million years long. I kept looking at the clock, willing it to be
Similar Books
