Jumper Cable by Piers Anthony Page B

pulp.”
    “Yes. But this clothing—”
    “I’ll handle this,” Haughty told the others. “Harpies have gutter experience.” She looked at Wira. “Where is the chamber?”
    “This way,” Wira said.
    Soon Jumper and Haughty were in the chamber. There was a bench with the center of its seat cut out, leaving a hole. “Take down your pants,” she said. “Your shorts too. Then sit on the hole.”
    Mystified, he did so. “Now p**s,” she said. “P**p.”
    He caught her meaning despite the asterisks. “But there’s no ground here.”
    “It’s below the hole.”
    Oh. It seemed that for some reason humans covered up the ground, so they could use it for this purpose without going outside the building. He realized that this must be why the girls had gone into a special little chamber on occasion at rest stops: to p**s and p**p. He concentrated
    on the business at hand, though it wasn’t exactly his hand he was using. The clumsy anatomy seemed to be working.
    In due course they returned to the others, mission accomplished. Jumper now knew how the human body functioned in this respect, and how to handle the problem of clothing.
    Next they went for a human dinner. There wasn’t a fat bug anywhere in it, just vegetables, fruits, breads, drinks, and other things. Olive guided him in human manners, it being her turn. He had to learn how to use odd little utensils instead of just picking things up and chomping them. It was ludicrously incon ve nient, but possible. At least the drink wasn’t rhed whine; none of them wanted that. Then it was time to rest for the night. He had to learn how to use a bed. This was a frightfully incon ve nient device, with a distastefully soft mattress, and cloth sheets that seemed to be designed for tangling limbs. But Olive insisted it was necessary, because it was the human way. She tucked him in, kissed him, and by the time his freakout ended she was gone. There was nothing to do but sleep through the night.
    “I wouldn’t say that,” a soft voice said.
    He recognized it. His merely human eyes were unable to penetrate the darkness, but his ears worked well enough. “Angie Ina! Olive’s imaginary friend. What are you doing here?”
    “I think Olive forgot about me,” Angie said, coming to sit on the bed beside him. “But with the Good Magician’s spell, I can remain in existence longer than her limited attention span. So I am exploring my own in de pen dent pa ram e ters.” Her hand found his right ankle. “It seems you have assumed human form, Jumper.”
    “Yes, I am practicing for when I may need it. So as not to be ignorant and clumsy. But I would much prefer to be in my natural form.”
    “There may be compensations.”
    “The others seem to think so.”
    “Perhaps we can do each other some good,” Angie said as her hand massaged his leg in an alarmingly evocative manner. “I want to garner some in de pen dent individual experience, and I think you need it too. What was it like when you first changed form?”
    “The girls had to prop me up on four sides, lest I fall. They were remarkably soft.”
    “Soft like this?” she inquired, finding his right hand. She lifted it and carried it to her chest.
    The scene seemed to jump, though the darkness prevented any scene from showing. “What happened?” Jumper asked, dazed.
    “You freaked out, as I rather suspected you would.”
    “Why did I freak out? I can’t see anything to make me do that.”
    “Because touch can do it too, when the man is fresh, new, and innocent. I put your hand on my breast.”
    “Is that what Haughty would pronounce br**st?”
    “Exactly. Had I done that in daylight, you would have dropped dead. As it was you merely freaked out. We shall have to work on that.”
    “Work on what?”
    “Your innocence. You will have trouble completing your mission if any woman can nullify you so simply.”
    “I don’t know how to fix my innocence.”
    “Fortunately, I do. I will educate you so that by