Jagger: A Caldwell Brothers Novel by Chelsea Camaron, Mj Fields Page A

I say cautiously.
    “I love panties!” she squeals, her energy infectious. The time with her has allowed me not to think of the future or the past, but to be in the moment.
    “Has anyone ever told you that you’re crazy?”
    Heat flashes in her eyes. “Hendrix does all the time.”
    We both laugh. Then I pause. When was the last time I laughed before Jagger? Emotions flood me. I can’t remember a single time I have laughed with my father. Livi has spent hours here, talking about the Caldwell family and her family with her mother and half-brothers as well as her father, who is recovering. She has all these people around her, and she laughs freely, yet I haven’t ever laughed with the only family I have—correction: had.
    It’s all gone. The time is gone. It can’t be given back. Time cannot be erased, and the past cannot be changed.
    My mother died protecting me. My father died at the hands of me.
    Standing, I rush to the bathroom, where I throw up. Livi stands in the doorway as I try to fight back the dry heaves. Then she comes over and wets a washcloth and begins soothing me by wiping my face.
    “Wanna talk about it?”
    “I killed my father. I’ve never laughed until Caldwell’s. I don’t know what family is,” I start rambling all my secrets. “I have pretended not to speak English to avoid the truth. I will probably get sent back to my country, a place I haven’t been to since I was in diapers.”
    “Slow down, sister.”
    “Sister,” I whisper. “I’ve never had one of those. I’ve never had anyone.”
    “Well, you have the Caldwells now. There aren’t a lot of us, but we are growing every day.” She rubs her belly for emphasis and smiles. “You aren’t alone, Tatiana. You also didn’t kill your father. I don’t know what happened, but I do know the Caldwell brothers. There’s no way Jagger would have me here”—she jabs her thumb at her chest—“if you”—she points to me—“killed anyone. Heck, there is no way he would have me over here if you even killed a bug.”
    I give her a half-smile.
    “Get cleaned up. It’s time to talk about one of my favorite things…panties!” She smiles, and I can see in her eyes she genuinely cares for me.
    She exits the bathroom to give me privacy.
    Is that how real families are? Easy acceptance? I’ve read about unconditional love, yet never thought it could be real. I don’t know what love is, but I do know that, in the last six months, Jagger Caldwell has cared more for me than anyone in my entire life. I don’t know how to describe what I feel for him. Just thinking about him has me tied in knots. I crave his time, attention, and touch.
    I clean up and head back out to find that Livi has spread out all sorts of panties on the bed. They are different cuts, different colors, and some even have words!
    She holds up a pair, and I read the letters on the backside:
Be in the Moment
. She tosses them to me.
    “Today’s special.” She laughs, but I don’t get the joke. “I use my panties for empowerment. The sayings help me remember good things and stay motivated to move forward in the tough times.”
    Holding the fabric in my hand, I get it, so I smile at her. Then I go over and look at the wide array of undergarments: lace bras, silk panties, boy shorts, bikini cuts, and thongs…oh my. I feel like Victoria’s Secret may have vomited the spring catalog on my bed. I have seen the ads when I’ve been online for school. Vicki doesn’t keep much a secret.
    “Livi, is all of this really necessary?”
    “Totally! It’s not about what you wear, Tatiana. It’s how it makes you feel. The pieces closest to your naked body are your bras and panties, so they’ve gotta make you feel good from the beginning. If you have on uncomfortable”—she gasps—“or ugly panties, you won’t feel good, even in a designer dress. Confidence starts from the inside and finds its way out. What’s underneath always matters more than the exterior of anything.