looking for? Conventional? You’re not conventionally beautiful, but you’re real, and kind, and genuinely hot…in an unconventional way.”
“I think you just said conventional more times in that sentence than most people say in their lifetime.”
“Seriously Harper. Please don’t think this is about you.”
“No, I know. That’s dumb. It’s not like you’re gay so you don’t have to kiss me.” I laughed, letting some of my embarrassment go. The good thing about making a fool of yourself on a regular basis? You get better at getting over the mortification with practice.
The shadow of silence came back and sat with us for a while.
“Is that why you were…on the roof?”
“Yeah, my parents found out. They went insane.”
“What did they say?” I reached out and put my hand on his.
Raf cleared his throat. “Uh, my mom was the one really mad. My dad just shook his head and left the room. But my mom,” his voice cracked, “she said some really terrible things. She’s kind of an important person and she just told me I could ruin her career. That she was going to disown me if I told anyone. She said she…couldn’t love me anymore.”
Tears started dripping down his cheeks.
“I knew they would be upset, but I didn’t expect….”
“They’re wrong. You know that right. They have no right to act like we live in the dark ages. They are the ones being jerks.”
He took a long breath in. “Yeah, I know. It just really hurts to hear that from your own mom.”
I tried to imagine my mom saying that she didn’t love me any more. It sent a jolt of nausea to my gut. My mom drove me crazy but I knew it was because she loved me so much. “I can’t even imagine, Raf.”
“So here we are, both crying.” Raf seemed to feel slightly better.
Me too, actually.
I looked at the clock, 5:00. Still no signal. Crap.
I was opening my mouth to ask for Raf’s phone when we slammed into a pothole. The entire car tilted forward, all but one wheel lifting off the ground. The sound of crumpling plastic was bad but it was the gunshot crack of metal snapping that really sucked. We thumped back down onto all four wheels and sat in total, utter silence except for the faint tic tic tic sound of air releasing from something vital.
Raf looked at me wide eyed, “You okay?” his voice rose.
“Yeah, I’m fine, you?”
He looked down at his body as though he wasn’t sure. “I’m fine.”
We got out and circled the car making disbelieving ohs and ahs. The hood was crumpled on the driver’s side, bumper mangled beyond recognition. The wheel well pushed back into the engine block that was exposed, black and grey metal among the glossy plastic of it’s shell.
“How fast where you going?” I asked, incredulous. “I mean, you weren’t going more than five, maybe ten miles an hour!” The amount of damage done made it look like were were going forty.
“What the hell? I was barely crawling.”
“I know!”
We stared at the lopsided wheel. “Well, we’re not driving this anywhere. We are almost to the road. Or I guess we could walk back to Mr. Silver’s house.”
“No way, that’s like five miles back. Let’s just walk out to the road and we can wave someone down.”
I checked my phone again. “You have a signal?”
“No. This is so messed up.”
We started walking briskly along the narrow track.
I spent the time thinking about Raf and his mom. What he really needed was a friend, not some girl who thought his grey eyes were dreamy. “Hey Raf? I want to make sure you know that I really don’t care at all if you’re gay. You’ve been a good friend.”
He gave me a lopsided smile, “You too, Harper. Let’s get the hell out of here.”
The dirt road wound over rolling hills, curving among the trees and rocky dells. The pines felt alive, silent watchers towering above us blocking the light. The cold air was so still it felt like a void actually sucking the warm breath from my lungs. No shadows
“I think you just said conventional more times in that sentence than most people say in their lifetime.”
“Seriously Harper. Please don’t think this is about you.”
“No, I know. That’s dumb. It’s not like you’re gay so you don’t have to kiss me.” I laughed, letting some of my embarrassment go. The good thing about making a fool of yourself on a regular basis? You get better at getting over the mortification with practice.
The shadow of silence came back and sat with us for a while.
“Is that why you were…on the roof?”
“Yeah, my parents found out. They went insane.”
“What did they say?” I reached out and put my hand on his.
Raf cleared his throat. “Uh, my mom was the one really mad. My dad just shook his head and left the room. But my mom,” his voice cracked, “she said some really terrible things. She’s kind of an important person and she just told me I could ruin her career. That she was going to disown me if I told anyone. She said she…couldn’t love me anymore.”
Tears started dripping down his cheeks.
“I knew they would be upset, but I didn’t expect….”
“They’re wrong. You know that right. They have no right to act like we live in the dark ages. They are the ones being jerks.”
He took a long breath in. “Yeah, I know. It just really hurts to hear that from your own mom.”
I tried to imagine my mom saying that she didn’t love me any more. It sent a jolt of nausea to my gut. My mom drove me crazy but I knew it was because she loved me so much. “I can’t even imagine, Raf.”
“So here we are, both crying.” Raf seemed to feel slightly better.
Me too, actually.
I looked at the clock, 5:00. Still no signal. Crap.
I was opening my mouth to ask for Raf’s phone when we slammed into a pothole. The entire car tilted forward, all but one wheel lifting off the ground. The sound of crumpling plastic was bad but it was the gunshot crack of metal snapping that really sucked. We thumped back down onto all four wheels and sat in total, utter silence except for the faint tic tic tic sound of air releasing from something vital.
Raf looked at me wide eyed, “You okay?” his voice rose.
“Yeah, I’m fine, you?”
He looked down at his body as though he wasn’t sure. “I’m fine.”
We got out and circled the car making disbelieving ohs and ahs. The hood was crumpled on the driver’s side, bumper mangled beyond recognition. The wheel well pushed back into the engine block that was exposed, black and grey metal among the glossy plastic of it’s shell.
“How fast where you going?” I asked, incredulous. “I mean, you weren’t going more than five, maybe ten miles an hour!” The amount of damage done made it look like were were going forty.
“What the hell? I was barely crawling.”
“I know!”
We stared at the lopsided wheel. “Well, we’re not driving this anywhere. We are almost to the road. Or I guess we could walk back to Mr. Silver’s house.”
“No way, that’s like five miles back. Let’s just walk out to the road and we can wave someone down.”
I checked my phone again. “You have a signal?”
“No. This is so messed up.”
We started walking briskly along the narrow track.
I spent the time thinking about Raf and his mom. What he really needed was a friend, not some girl who thought his grey eyes were dreamy. “Hey Raf? I want to make sure you know that I really don’t care at all if you’re gay. You’ve been a good friend.”
He gave me a lopsided smile, “You too, Harper. Let’s get the hell out of here.”
The dirt road wound over rolling hills, curving among the trees and rocky dells. The pines felt alive, silent watchers towering above us blocking the light. The cold air was so still it felt like a void actually sucking the warm breath from my lungs. No shadows
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