for. Warm tears slipped out of my eyes before I even had a chance to fight them.
“I’m…” I trailed off. Raf waited me out. “I’m tired of it. I just wanted to stay in Belize. I wish we had never come here.” I looked at Raf. He had been the only thing I was excited about, and now I find out he was never even interested in me. “I still don’t really know what to believe. For a long time I’ve been worried my mom is crazy. Now, I’m really confused.”
“It is hard to buy. But it sounds like there are a lot of people telling you the same thing.” Raf glanced away from the road to me, his grey eyes full of genuine concern.
“I know. After my mom explained everything, I was even more worried, but then Mr. Silver. Now Mambo. They can’t all be crazy, right?”
“Who knows. Sometimes I feel like the adults of the world could all go crazy at once and we wouldn’t know it, we’re so used to being told what to believe.”
I nodded. “Maybe it’s time we become empiricists.”
“Empiricists?”
“Yeah, empiricism, faith in observable data. We should only trust what we can see and touch.”
“Alright, have either of us seen any actual evidence of the existence of the Solaris or Lunates?”
“Well…” I thought for a while. “I don’t know what it’s evidence for, but there was the crying in the library, the bloody tools in the janitor’s shed. Oh, and someone tried to run over me! Plus, I saw a little moon symbol in the library while I was waiting for Mr. Silver.”
“So, what does any of that prove?”
“I guess it suggests something hinky is going on. I don’t think it actually proves anything. We don’t have enough data.”
“So we need more data, then.”
“Right. But how do we do that?”
“I don’t know. You’re the professor here.” Raf looked at me and smiled.
“Haha.” I gave a fake laugh but it felt nice to see his lopsided smile.
We rode in jolting silence for a few minutes, both lost in thought.
“Hey, I wanted to say thanks again for the other night.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. “The other night? Oh, sure, Raf.”
“I, uh, I don’t think I really would have done it. I sort of feel like I should explain.”
“You don’t have to. I think I get it.” I let out another rueful laugh.
“I know I don’t have to. That’s why I want to. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have many friends here.”
To be honest I hadn’t noticed. Harper Dae, least observant person alive? But he was right, he had no friends, which made no sense. Rebellious, attractive, smart. No one cared about someone being gay anymore, if anything it should have made him cooler.
“It’s because I came out last year. I told a few friends that I’m…that I’m gay. Told my best friend I was in love with him.”
Ouch. Guess he understood liking someone who wasn’t interested back. I didn’t say anything.
“You don’t hate me do you?” he said.
“Hate you? What, no! I’m just a little…hehe.” I laughed uncomfortably again. Sounded like an annoying little girl. Bleh.
“You hate me now.”
“Raf, I don’t hate you! Just the opposite. I was just hoping that, if we were stuck in a car in the middle of no where, it would have been to make out, not talk about how you’re gay.” I blurted without thinking.
I blushed so hard I was certain I glowed.
He laughed. “I’m sorry Harper. Oh this is just so messed up. I really like you. I love hanging out with you.”
“I probably should have known.”
“Should’ve known I was gay? I didn’t exactly broadcast it.”
“No, should’ve known no one would actually be in to me.” Just stop talking, Harper. I bit my lip.
“Harper, if I were straight I would definitely be kissing you right now. You know the reason Olivia and her gang hate you so much is because you are much hotter than them.”
That, at least, got a real laugh out of me.
“I’m not joking, Harper. You might not be…what the word I’m
“I’m…” I trailed off. Raf waited me out. “I’m tired of it. I just wanted to stay in Belize. I wish we had never come here.” I looked at Raf. He had been the only thing I was excited about, and now I find out he was never even interested in me. “I still don’t really know what to believe. For a long time I’ve been worried my mom is crazy. Now, I’m really confused.”
“It is hard to buy. But it sounds like there are a lot of people telling you the same thing.” Raf glanced away from the road to me, his grey eyes full of genuine concern.
“I know. After my mom explained everything, I was even more worried, but then Mr. Silver. Now Mambo. They can’t all be crazy, right?”
“Who knows. Sometimes I feel like the adults of the world could all go crazy at once and we wouldn’t know it, we’re so used to being told what to believe.”
I nodded. “Maybe it’s time we become empiricists.”
“Empiricists?”
“Yeah, empiricism, faith in observable data. We should only trust what we can see and touch.”
“Alright, have either of us seen any actual evidence of the existence of the Solaris or Lunates?”
“Well…” I thought for a while. “I don’t know what it’s evidence for, but there was the crying in the library, the bloody tools in the janitor’s shed. Oh, and someone tried to run over me! Plus, I saw a little moon symbol in the library while I was waiting for Mr. Silver.”
“So, what does any of that prove?”
“I guess it suggests something hinky is going on. I don’t think it actually proves anything. We don’t have enough data.”
“So we need more data, then.”
“Right. But how do we do that?”
“I don’t know. You’re the professor here.” Raf looked at me and smiled.
“Haha.” I gave a fake laugh but it felt nice to see his lopsided smile.
We rode in jolting silence for a few minutes, both lost in thought.
“Hey, I wanted to say thanks again for the other night.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. “The other night? Oh, sure, Raf.”
“I, uh, I don’t think I really would have done it. I sort of feel like I should explain.”
“You don’t have to. I think I get it.” I let out another rueful laugh.
“I know I don’t have to. That’s why I want to. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have many friends here.”
To be honest I hadn’t noticed. Harper Dae, least observant person alive? But he was right, he had no friends, which made no sense. Rebellious, attractive, smart. No one cared about someone being gay anymore, if anything it should have made him cooler.
“It’s because I came out last year. I told a few friends that I’m…that I’m gay. Told my best friend I was in love with him.”
Ouch. Guess he understood liking someone who wasn’t interested back. I didn’t say anything.
“You don’t hate me do you?” he said.
“Hate you? What, no! I’m just a little…hehe.” I laughed uncomfortably again. Sounded like an annoying little girl. Bleh.
“You hate me now.”
“Raf, I don’t hate you! Just the opposite. I was just hoping that, if we were stuck in a car in the middle of no where, it would have been to make out, not talk about how you’re gay.” I blurted without thinking.
I blushed so hard I was certain I glowed.
He laughed. “I’m sorry Harper. Oh this is just so messed up. I really like you. I love hanging out with you.”
“I probably should have known.”
“Should’ve known I was gay? I didn’t exactly broadcast it.”
“No, should’ve known no one would actually be in to me.” Just stop talking, Harper. I bit my lip.
“Harper, if I were straight I would definitely be kissing you right now. You know the reason Olivia and her gang hate you so much is because you are much hotter than them.”
That, at least, got a real laugh out of me.
“I’m not joking, Harper. You might not be…what the word I’m
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