the heart can no longer bear the pain. For Farley, it was the day her parent's ashes were scattered
over the side of the Smithfield Street Bridge and into the river below. The old timers called it the kissing fish bridge. Where Farley and William's parents shared their first kiss. Where Jack tried to propose and Pauline interrupted
his stammering by asking him where he stood on the name Farley for their first child.
"Farley James. Works for a girl or a boy, and it's got an illustrious ring to it, don't you think?"
In the back of her mind, Farley had hoped that the act of scattering their ashes might bring some small sense of relief. She pictured the ashes, brilliant in the morning sun, dancing and drifting their way down to the
Monongahela River, where they would blend with the river and glide with the current. The background music would come in, slowly. A farewell so devastatingly beautiful it would live in her soul forever, and ease the pain that pressed on her heart.
The faint odor of fish and the stifling smell of exhaust on the bridge were embellished by the morning's humidity. Against the backdrop of streetcars, cars, trucks, and curious pedestrians, Father Ryan delivered a solemn prayer and raised the urn above his head.
After a final "Amen,' he unfastened the urn and poured the ashes over the railing. They blew underneath the bridge; a few small dark clumps clung to the ironwork along the bottom. And that was it. No dancing or
drifting. No devastating beauty.
Beside her, William pressed his head against the railing and looked down at the water.
"I guess they really aren't coming back," he said.
"No one comes back from ashes."
No longer able to stand, Farley slid to her knees on the warm sidewalk. The suffocating devastation of their death and the overwhelming shame of being the one not chosen closed in, threatening to crush her.
Oblivious to pedestrians and the clamor of traffic, she shoved all of the terror and shame deep and deeper down inside of her until she felt nothing at all.
William placed a small hand on her shoulder and squinted at
the skyline.
"The city looks different when you're not just visiting."
Dear Farley,
I wanted to write something that would make you feel better, but there are no words for that right now. My heart breaks for you and William.
Hold each other close. Farley, your enthusiasm and excitement for the future has been an inspiration to me since the day we met. Remember your dreams. They will carry you through.
Love,
Henry
Farley spent most of that summer in her room, sleeping or staring out the window. Everything hurt. Walking downstairs exhausted her. She smelled. She had difficulty keeping food down, carrying on a conversation, or
caring about anything at all. Even William. She knew she should comfort him, tell him everything would be all right, press foreheads like their father used to do. But that would involve opening her heart; exposing her feelings. And she
couldn't do that. The pain would be too much to bear; it would crush her.
Chapter 13
"It's about time things warmed up around here,"
said William, raising his face to the sun. "All that snowing was getting on my last nerve."
"You're spending way too much time with Veda Marie," Claire mumbled as she and William maneuvered their way along the
crowded city sidewalk.
In the nine months since he and Farley moved to Bridge Manor, William had fallen into a routine of school, snack, and following Veda Marie around the house. If she wasn't available, he would follow one of the
boarders. He and Joe took a streetcar to the occasional sporting event - he still refused to get in a car. But it was Farley's company William preferred, and she was either at work or holed up in her room.
Tired of Farley's self-inflicted confinement, Dion had appeared one morning with her arms full of job applications. Farley accepted a waitressing position, which she came to enjoy. As she told Claire, the frantic
over the side of the Smithfield Street Bridge and into the river below. The old timers called it the kissing fish bridge. Where Farley and William's parents shared their first kiss. Where Jack tried to propose and Pauline interrupted
his stammering by asking him where he stood on the name Farley for their first child.
"Farley James. Works for a girl or a boy, and it's got an illustrious ring to it, don't you think?"
In the back of her mind, Farley had hoped that the act of scattering their ashes might bring some small sense of relief. She pictured the ashes, brilliant in the morning sun, dancing and drifting their way down to the
Monongahela River, where they would blend with the river and glide with the current. The background music would come in, slowly. A farewell so devastatingly beautiful it would live in her soul forever, and ease the pain that pressed on her heart.
The faint odor of fish and the stifling smell of exhaust on the bridge were embellished by the morning's humidity. Against the backdrop of streetcars, cars, trucks, and curious pedestrians, Father Ryan delivered a solemn prayer and raised the urn above his head.
After a final "Amen,' he unfastened the urn and poured the ashes over the railing. They blew underneath the bridge; a few small dark clumps clung to the ironwork along the bottom. And that was it. No dancing or
drifting. No devastating beauty.
Beside her, William pressed his head against the railing and looked down at the water.
"I guess they really aren't coming back," he said.
"No one comes back from ashes."
No longer able to stand, Farley slid to her knees on the warm sidewalk. The suffocating devastation of their death and the overwhelming shame of being the one not chosen closed in, threatening to crush her.
Oblivious to pedestrians and the clamor of traffic, she shoved all of the terror and shame deep and deeper down inside of her until she felt nothing at all.
William placed a small hand on her shoulder and squinted at
the skyline.
"The city looks different when you're not just visiting."
Dear Farley,
I wanted to write something that would make you feel better, but there are no words for that right now. My heart breaks for you and William.
Hold each other close. Farley, your enthusiasm and excitement for the future has been an inspiration to me since the day we met. Remember your dreams. They will carry you through.
Love,
Henry
Farley spent most of that summer in her room, sleeping or staring out the window. Everything hurt. Walking downstairs exhausted her. She smelled. She had difficulty keeping food down, carrying on a conversation, or
caring about anything at all. Even William. She knew she should comfort him, tell him everything would be all right, press foreheads like their father used to do. But that would involve opening her heart; exposing her feelings. And she
couldn't do that. The pain would be too much to bear; it would crush her.
Chapter 13
"It's about time things warmed up around here,"
said William, raising his face to the sun. "All that snowing was getting on my last nerve."
"You're spending way too much time with Veda Marie," Claire mumbled as she and William maneuvered their way along the
crowded city sidewalk.
In the nine months since he and Farley moved to Bridge Manor, William had fallen into a routine of school, snack, and following Veda Marie around the house. If she wasn't available, he would follow one of the
boarders. He and Joe took a streetcar to the occasional sporting event - he still refused to get in a car. But it was Farley's company William preferred, and she was either at work or holed up in her room.
Tired of Farley's self-inflicted confinement, Dion had appeared one morning with her arms full of job applications. Farley accepted a waitressing position, which she came to enjoy. As she told Claire, the frantic
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