hell is your problem?’ I demanded, as I shoved his bare shoulder.
‘You’re being Un.Fucking.Reasonable, that’s my deal. I’m trying to be nice.’
‘You’re being cold,’ I snapped.
‘No I’m not,’ he snapped back.
‘This is your body, Gabe,’ I yelled as I scanned myself with my hand. ‘I belong to you. It’s the same body you’ve always loved, the same one you couldn’t get enough of and it hurts me that you don’t want it anymore, that you don’t want me . I feel like Adam’s coming between us because you can’t get over how angry you are at him.’
‘He’s not coming between us, I’m so fucking over him,’ he answered quickly.
‘Then what the hell is it?’
‘I fucking angry with you, Mia,’ he roared in my face as anger flared in his blue eyes. ‘You defied me. Again. You left yourself open to this fucking pyscho after promising me you wouldn’t do that anymore. You not keeping yourself safe was one of my deal breakers and you broke your word to me that it wouldn’t happen again. It’s your bloody fault that this happened.’
‘You told me you didn’t care about that Gabe, you said that to me in the hospital, you said that all that mattered was that you had me back. Was that a lie?’
‘I meant it at the time because I was so happy that you were still alive. But the more pain I’ve seen you in since, the more I’ve wanted to punish you for ignoring my instructions. I get mad, I want to fuck you, and right now I’m bloody seething inside. It’s been eating away at me and I couldn’t share it because I didn’t want to upset you. I just want to be myself again. I love making love to you but the way I feel now, I want to be able to spank you, to punish you for defying me, to slam you against the wall and pin you down and fuck you until you scream, just like I’ve always done when you’ve pissed me off, just like you’ve always loved it. But I can’t even bloody do that, can I? Because if I try and be me … if I get aggressive, you’re going to see him. Every time I try to control you, to grasp your wrists to try to … if I try to be the old me Mia, and I remind you of him, you’ll hate me. He’ll be all that you ever see every single bloody time you look at me,’ he yelled and rubbed his hands over his face. I gulped, he was seriously furious with me, that was his longest ever rant in all the time we’d been together. All this time he blamed me and he’d not said a word? I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but quickly blinked them back.
‘ You’re the only thing I see, Gabe. The only thing I’ve ever seen. I love you, I trust you and I’ll never see him when I look at you because you aren’t trying to hurt me, he was. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me how you were feeling.’
‘I was trying to be what you needed,’ he sighed.
‘ You’re what I need Gabe, the man I fell in love with. The man who can be caring and gentle, who makes me melt with a look or a smile, but I also fell in love with the man who’s domineering and bossy. The man who doles out punishment fucks and shows how much he cares by yelling at me when I’ve been stupid. I need the whole package, I need the real you, not who you think I want you to be. I broke your trust and you haven’t punished me for it. Punish me, now.’
‘No.’ Gabe backed away from me. ‘You froze last time we tried sex, I saw the look in your eyes, you were scared of me.’
‘No!’ I exclaimed. ‘I wasn’t scared of you , it had nothing to do with you, Gabe. I just had a flashback, a memory of being scared in that factory as he lay on top of me and it triggered a panic attack. That was because of him, not you.’
‘Don’t lie to me.’ Gabe shook his head and covered his eyes as he breathed erratically. I sighed. We had to get past this or we were never going to have sex again and I missed that connection with him. I quickly looked around the room and spotted the padded blanket box at the foot
‘You’re being Un.Fucking.Reasonable, that’s my deal. I’m trying to be nice.’
‘You’re being cold,’ I snapped.
‘No I’m not,’ he snapped back.
‘This is your body, Gabe,’ I yelled as I scanned myself with my hand. ‘I belong to you. It’s the same body you’ve always loved, the same one you couldn’t get enough of and it hurts me that you don’t want it anymore, that you don’t want me . I feel like Adam’s coming between us because you can’t get over how angry you are at him.’
‘He’s not coming between us, I’m so fucking over him,’ he answered quickly.
‘Then what the hell is it?’
‘I fucking angry with you, Mia,’ he roared in my face as anger flared in his blue eyes. ‘You defied me. Again. You left yourself open to this fucking pyscho after promising me you wouldn’t do that anymore. You not keeping yourself safe was one of my deal breakers and you broke your word to me that it wouldn’t happen again. It’s your bloody fault that this happened.’
‘You told me you didn’t care about that Gabe, you said that to me in the hospital, you said that all that mattered was that you had me back. Was that a lie?’
‘I meant it at the time because I was so happy that you were still alive. But the more pain I’ve seen you in since, the more I’ve wanted to punish you for ignoring my instructions. I get mad, I want to fuck you, and right now I’m bloody seething inside. It’s been eating away at me and I couldn’t share it because I didn’t want to upset you. I just want to be myself again. I love making love to you but the way I feel now, I want to be able to spank you, to punish you for defying me, to slam you against the wall and pin you down and fuck you until you scream, just like I’ve always done when you’ve pissed me off, just like you’ve always loved it. But I can’t even bloody do that, can I? Because if I try and be me … if I get aggressive, you’re going to see him. Every time I try to control you, to grasp your wrists to try to … if I try to be the old me Mia, and I remind you of him, you’ll hate me. He’ll be all that you ever see every single bloody time you look at me,’ he yelled and rubbed his hands over his face. I gulped, he was seriously furious with me, that was his longest ever rant in all the time we’d been together. All this time he blamed me and he’d not said a word? I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but quickly blinked them back.
‘ You’re the only thing I see, Gabe. The only thing I’ve ever seen. I love you, I trust you and I’ll never see him when I look at you because you aren’t trying to hurt me, he was. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me how you were feeling.’
‘I was trying to be what you needed,’ he sighed.
‘ You’re what I need Gabe, the man I fell in love with. The man who can be caring and gentle, who makes me melt with a look or a smile, but I also fell in love with the man who’s domineering and bossy. The man who doles out punishment fucks and shows how much he cares by yelling at me when I’ve been stupid. I need the whole package, I need the real you, not who you think I want you to be. I broke your trust and you haven’t punished me for it. Punish me, now.’
‘No.’ Gabe backed away from me. ‘You froze last time we tried sex, I saw the look in your eyes, you were scared of me.’
‘No!’ I exclaimed. ‘I wasn’t scared of you , it had nothing to do with you, Gabe. I just had a flashback, a memory of being scared in that factory as he lay on top of me and it triggered a panic attack. That was because of him, not you.’
‘Don’t lie to me.’ Gabe shook his head and covered his eyes as he breathed erratically. I sighed. We had to get past this or we were never going to have sex again and I missed that connection with him. I quickly looked around the room and spotted the padded blanket box at the foot
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