what I meant.’
‘Then what the bloody hell did you mean?’ I hissed, unbelievably angry all of a sudden as he continued calmly undoing his trousers.
‘Don’t get bloody mad with me, Mia. I’m trying to help you.’
‘No, you’re making it worse, making me feel like I’m some duty you have to perform, a duty that you really don’t want to have to do. I was in the mood and I’ve just rapidly gone off it, so you know what? Just forget it.’
‘Forget it?’ he grizzled as he glared at me, so I glared back even more fiercely.
‘Yes, forget it. I know I’ve not been easy to live with, Gabe. I know I’ve cried on and off for weeks, but if the first time I have sex with you after so long is going to be some … some watered down, unfeeling version of the man I fell in love with, then I’d rather not bother. If I can’t have you then I don’t want sex at all,’ I glowered.
‘See, I knew you weren’t ready. This was a mistake. This is why we need to wait.’
‘Wait for what?’
‘You to be ready.’
‘I am ready!’ I yelled.
‘No, you’re not,’ he shot back as he scowled at me.
‘Yes, I bloody am. I just don’t like you giving me a set of instructions of how this is going to go down and acting like some … cold unfeeling robot, thank you very much.’
‘God damn it, Mia,’ he yelled back. ‘You think this is fucking easy for me?’
‘I don’t know, Gabe. Everything has been all about me. How I feel? What did I go through? How has it affected me ? Every time I try and get you to admit how you feel about what happened you change the subject. I have absolutely no idea how “ fucking easy ” this is or isn’t for you.’
‘Mia,’ he growled as his eyes flashed a warning at me and his hands moved to his hips. My breathing was out of control. I was that mad, and he looked the same.
‘Why won’t you just admit that you don’t see me the same way? He saw me naked, he touched my body and he lay on top of me ready to fuck me, and now that’s all you see when you look at me and I hate it. You’re trying to put me off sex because you won’t admit that you don’t want me like that anymore.’
‘That’s not what this is, Mia,’ he snarled.
‘Then what the bloody hell is it?’ I snapped.
‘I’m absolutely fucking …’ He blew out a frustration breath as he shook his head, then shoved both hands through his hair and planted them on back his hips as we faced off against each other, fuming. ‘You know what, you’re right. Let’s forget it, this feels seriously wrong all of a sudden.’
‘At last something we both agree on.’ I stormed into the en-suite, slammed the door, and quickly locked it behind me. My hands were still shaking I was so mad. As if I didn’t have worries that he saw me as dirty, or tainted, as it was, his reluctance to be himself around me sexually just amplified that and it really hurt. He rattled the door handle behind me and I moved to the other side of the room and clutched the sink.
‘Mia, open the bloody door,’ he shouted. I ignored him and stripped off as he continued to hammer on it. So much for a night of bliss , I thought as I extracted his damn glass egg, if we’d been in our own house I’d probably have hurled the bloody thing against the wall in frustration. I carefully undid the nipple clamps and winced as the blood rushed back into my peaked nipples, then stood in front of the mirror and looked at my naked body. I was still in amazing shape, I knew I was. I’d been working on the pole a lot at home, while he’d been at Uni, because dancing made me happy and had helped to pull me out of the funk I’d felt in for the first few weeks after my ordeal. It wasn’t the fact that I was unattractive that was holding him back I was sure of it, I mean I’d felt his erection earlier in the club. I blew out a deep breath, I was furious and this was ending right now. I flung the door open and he jumped back in surprise.
‘What the bloody
‘Then what the bloody hell did you mean?’ I hissed, unbelievably angry all of a sudden as he continued calmly undoing his trousers.
‘Don’t get bloody mad with me, Mia. I’m trying to help you.’
‘No, you’re making it worse, making me feel like I’m some duty you have to perform, a duty that you really don’t want to have to do. I was in the mood and I’ve just rapidly gone off it, so you know what? Just forget it.’
‘Forget it?’ he grizzled as he glared at me, so I glared back even more fiercely.
‘Yes, forget it. I know I’ve not been easy to live with, Gabe. I know I’ve cried on and off for weeks, but if the first time I have sex with you after so long is going to be some … some watered down, unfeeling version of the man I fell in love with, then I’d rather not bother. If I can’t have you then I don’t want sex at all,’ I glowered.
‘See, I knew you weren’t ready. This was a mistake. This is why we need to wait.’
‘Wait for what?’
‘You to be ready.’
‘I am ready!’ I yelled.
‘No, you’re not,’ he shot back as he scowled at me.
‘Yes, I bloody am. I just don’t like you giving me a set of instructions of how this is going to go down and acting like some … cold unfeeling robot, thank you very much.’
‘God damn it, Mia,’ he yelled back. ‘You think this is fucking easy for me?’
‘I don’t know, Gabe. Everything has been all about me. How I feel? What did I go through? How has it affected me ? Every time I try and get you to admit how you feel about what happened you change the subject. I have absolutely no idea how “ fucking easy ” this is or isn’t for you.’
‘Mia,’ he growled as his eyes flashed a warning at me and his hands moved to his hips. My breathing was out of control. I was that mad, and he looked the same.
‘Why won’t you just admit that you don’t see me the same way? He saw me naked, he touched my body and he lay on top of me ready to fuck me, and now that’s all you see when you look at me and I hate it. You’re trying to put me off sex because you won’t admit that you don’t want me like that anymore.’
‘That’s not what this is, Mia,’ he snarled.
‘Then what the bloody hell is it?’ I snapped.
‘I’m absolutely fucking …’ He blew out a frustration breath as he shook his head, then shoved both hands through his hair and planted them on back his hips as we faced off against each other, fuming. ‘You know what, you’re right. Let’s forget it, this feels seriously wrong all of a sudden.’
‘At last something we both agree on.’ I stormed into the en-suite, slammed the door, and quickly locked it behind me. My hands were still shaking I was so mad. As if I didn’t have worries that he saw me as dirty, or tainted, as it was, his reluctance to be himself around me sexually just amplified that and it really hurt. He rattled the door handle behind me and I moved to the other side of the room and clutched the sink.
‘Mia, open the bloody door,’ he shouted. I ignored him and stripped off as he continued to hammer on it. So much for a night of bliss , I thought as I extracted his damn glass egg, if we’d been in our own house I’d probably have hurled the bloody thing against the wall in frustration. I carefully undid the nipple clamps and winced as the blood rushed back into my peaked nipples, then stood in front of the mirror and looked at my naked body. I was still in amazing shape, I knew I was. I’d been working on the pole a lot at home, while he’d been at Uni, because dancing made me happy and had helped to pull me out of the funk I’d felt in for the first few weeks after my ordeal. It wasn’t the fact that I was unattractive that was holding him back I was sure of it, I mean I’d felt his erection earlier in the club. I blew out a deep breath, I was furious and this was ending right now. I flung the door open and he jumped back in surprise.
‘What the bloody
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