hopped into the elevator, and they headed out onto the sidewalk. Opposite directions. Deja vu. I just did the same thing with Noah. But, somehow this time the familiar directional separation felt comfortable, and I wondered why there was a difference.
The doors closed and I pushed the button for my floor. Why did Noah walking in the opposite direction cause me anxiety when Jake and Sam doing the same thing didn’t?
Ding.
The elevator reached my floor at the same time I reached my conclusion.
Because I knew Jake and Sam would come back for me.
Fourteen
November, Fall Semester, Junior Year
Stacy shook me awake. I was so disoriented because it was dark. I forgot it was a Saturday night. I kept blinking to make it brighter in our room.
“Party. Sigma Chi. Get up!”
One of the things I loved most about college was the freedom and the ability to nap at any time of the day without anyone nagging you about all the chores you could be doing. Another thing I loved was the freedom to take a nap at 8 pm so we could start partying at 11 and go long into the wee hours of the morning.
Right. Tonight was another party. Going from a life of having never been drunk to drinking three or four times a week was exhausting. Maybe God was punishing me for being a party girl by making things unsettled between Noah and I. No. The God I knew wouldn’t do that, but I am pretty sure He wouldn’t be too happy with me these days either.
I didn’t see the romantic side of Noah often anymore. I wasn’t sure why it was so hard to find. I felt like it was just behind his heart, but somehow not penetrating the muscle around it. Something tough was keeping that gentle side out. But I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to try my hardest to find it again.
“Should I wear these?”
Stacy turned and nodded with a mouthful of toothpaste.
I had just gotten the coolest navy blue, low-rise, wide-legged linen pants. Very vintage hippie which made them so “me.” I usually just wore jeans and cute top out to parties, but I looked forward to dropping Noah’s jaw with my new outfit. He’d been increasingly distant since the Sunday he ditched me for breakfast a couple weeks ago. I wanted him to see me walk into Sig Chi and decide he didn’t want to let me out of his sight. Then, maybe any doubts he might be having would fade away.
I completed my outfit with a navy bandeau top that matched the pants and a gauzy sheer shirt. I knew my bare stomach would peek out under the cropped cut while I was dancing and Noah loved that I had my belly button pierced. I looked on the outside like I used to feel on the inside, confident, fun, and funky. Because that’s who he fell in love with. At the last minute I slid a wide headband on to help hold back my new bangs and Stacy said it was the perfect accessory.
“You look absolutely ‘Gracie’ tonight! Adorable.” Jake winked when he spoke. He and Jessica were headed out for the night and met us on the elevator. Jake’s eyes didn’t leave me or my body. The corner of his mouth curved up just enough that it made me wonder what he was thinking. When his eyes reached mine, he winked again. My stomach flipped. It was obvious I was craving the attention of a beautiful guy because I may have exaggerated what just happened in my mind.
Jessica never sincerely smiled when Jake gave me compliments. She always threw a pained grimace on, feigning comfortable agreement. I usually felt bad. But tonight Jake knew exactly what I needed before seeing Noah, so Jessica would have to deal.
“And I look absolutely…what?” Stacy teased.
“Gorgeous!” Jake smiled and winked.
“Yeah, yeah. Too little, too late, Jake.” She pretended she was disappointed, but she was beaming at his choice of adjective.
Stacy and I walked with Jake and Jessica to the end of the block. They turned and headed who knows where. We only had one more block to get to Sigma Chi where Noah would come out and rescue us from the long line, and I
The doors closed and I pushed the button for my floor. Why did Noah walking in the opposite direction cause me anxiety when Jake and Sam doing the same thing didn’t?
Ding.
The elevator reached my floor at the same time I reached my conclusion.
Because I knew Jake and Sam would come back for me.
Fourteen
November, Fall Semester, Junior Year
Stacy shook me awake. I was so disoriented because it was dark. I forgot it was a Saturday night. I kept blinking to make it brighter in our room.
“Party. Sigma Chi. Get up!”
One of the things I loved most about college was the freedom and the ability to nap at any time of the day without anyone nagging you about all the chores you could be doing. Another thing I loved was the freedom to take a nap at 8 pm so we could start partying at 11 and go long into the wee hours of the morning.
Right. Tonight was another party. Going from a life of having never been drunk to drinking three or four times a week was exhausting. Maybe God was punishing me for being a party girl by making things unsettled between Noah and I. No. The God I knew wouldn’t do that, but I am pretty sure He wouldn’t be too happy with me these days either.
I didn’t see the romantic side of Noah often anymore. I wasn’t sure why it was so hard to find. I felt like it was just behind his heart, but somehow not penetrating the muscle around it. Something tough was keeping that gentle side out. But I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to try my hardest to find it again.
“Should I wear these?”
Stacy turned and nodded with a mouthful of toothpaste.
I had just gotten the coolest navy blue, low-rise, wide-legged linen pants. Very vintage hippie which made them so “me.” I usually just wore jeans and cute top out to parties, but I looked forward to dropping Noah’s jaw with my new outfit. He’d been increasingly distant since the Sunday he ditched me for breakfast a couple weeks ago. I wanted him to see me walk into Sig Chi and decide he didn’t want to let me out of his sight. Then, maybe any doubts he might be having would fade away.
I completed my outfit with a navy bandeau top that matched the pants and a gauzy sheer shirt. I knew my bare stomach would peek out under the cropped cut while I was dancing and Noah loved that I had my belly button pierced. I looked on the outside like I used to feel on the inside, confident, fun, and funky. Because that’s who he fell in love with. At the last minute I slid a wide headband on to help hold back my new bangs and Stacy said it was the perfect accessory.
“You look absolutely ‘Gracie’ tonight! Adorable.” Jake winked when he spoke. He and Jessica were headed out for the night and met us on the elevator. Jake’s eyes didn’t leave me or my body. The corner of his mouth curved up just enough that it made me wonder what he was thinking. When his eyes reached mine, he winked again. My stomach flipped. It was obvious I was craving the attention of a beautiful guy because I may have exaggerated what just happened in my mind.
Jessica never sincerely smiled when Jake gave me compliments. She always threw a pained grimace on, feigning comfortable agreement. I usually felt bad. But tonight Jake knew exactly what I needed before seeing Noah, so Jessica would have to deal.
“And I look absolutely…what?” Stacy teased.
“Gorgeous!” Jake smiled and winked.
“Yeah, yeah. Too little, too late, Jake.” She pretended she was disappointed, but she was beaming at his choice of adjective.
Stacy and I walked with Jake and Jessica to the end of the block. They turned and headed who knows where. We only had one more block to get to Sigma Chi where Noah would come out and rescue us from the long line, and I
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