scolding me for letting my guard down, for letting someone in. But I’m so sick of denying myself a happy life. I’m slowly suffocating from the loneliness that has been my existence. I want someone, other than Dusty, to hold me at night. I want to feel cherished and beautiful. The strange part is that Colby’s made me feel all of those things from day one. I was just too blind to see it isn’t a front, that he is actually a good guy. Gradually, I’ve started to fall. So tonight I decided I would tell him how I felt. Maybe once I say it out loud, the feeling in my gut won’t scare me so much.
The last I heard, he wasn’t going to make it, and then Dusty told me he was going to try like hell. I knew then I wouldn’t let anything stop me from telling him I like him, but leave it to Brittani to ruin the moment. Doing what I do best, I avoided the confrontation. Arguing with her is like arguing with a child. You never win. As much as I love trying to put that bitch in her place…
Casually, I get up and try to act like I’m thirsty. As I walk away I do everything in my power to hold in the vomit that begins to rise in my throat. The burning sensation that accompanies it almost gags me as my feet carry me forward. For some fucking reason, I turn around, regretting it almost immediately. The sight of Brittani’s mouth colliding with his will forever be burned into my mind. Tears beg to be released, but I won’t do it, holding them at bay. I refuse to cry for someone I never had. He’s never been mine, as much as I’ve dreamt about him calling me his girlfriend, he never did and he never will. Maybe this is God’s way of proving to me I shouldn’t be with him, that I should be alone and focus on myself and my career.
Marching back towards the crowd, I see Logan sitting on the back of his truck, beer in one hand, some barely clothed female in the other. I’ve never been to a party, before tonight, so I might as well live it up while the night is young and he’s just the guy to help me. Knowing that it will piss Colby off doesn’t hurt either. I’ve never been so into someone, and had to deal with all of these emotions, especially jealous ones. And it had to be Brittani of all people he was kissing.
“Logan, I need a beer!” I holler as I near him. Needing something to take the edge off, I turn to alcohol, just like my father. He glances up and smiles a wicked smile. He must see that I’m on a mission. If he means a mission to get drunk for the first time in my life, then yeah, I’m on a mission for sure. I know nothing good will come out of this – I’m not naïve – but I can’t help but want to drown out the image of that bitch sitting on top of him.
“Wild Hensley has made her presence, friends. This party just got real. Welcome to the real world, Hens!” Smirking, he bends and opens a small red and white cooler, and brings out a cold beer. Popping the cap, he reaches out and hands it to me. Taking it from him, I glance at the girl at his side. I’ve never seen her before.
“Hensley, this is Marcy. Marcy, this is my friend, Hensley.” The chick I now know as Marcy stands up on her tiptoes and kisses Logan on his cheek. She is no doubt marking her territory. Little does she know Logan doesn’t pique my interest at all. No one does anymore.
“Marcy, why don’t you give me and my friend some alone time?” He lets go of her waist and shoos her away with his hand. Taking a sip of my beer, the taste is the foulest, most disgusting taste in the entire world, but I swallow knowing it will help blur these edges, and this is probably all he has in his cooler.
The girl whines, but walks away, leaving me and Logan alone. He reaches for my hand and pulls me up on the tailgate with him.
“I’m really glad you decided to come out. I wanted to apologize for how I acted before. I was just, I don’t know, a little jealous of Colby. You know how I feel about you, and sometimes I just lose my cool. I
The last I heard, he wasn’t going to make it, and then Dusty told me he was going to try like hell. I knew then I wouldn’t let anything stop me from telling him I like him, but leave it to Brittani to ruin the moment. Doing what I do best, I avoided the confrontation. Arguing with her is like arguing with a child. You never win. As much as I love trying to put that bitch in her place…
Casually, I get up and try to act like I’m thirsty. As I walk away I do everything in my power to hold in the vomit that begins to rise in my throat. The burning sensation that accompanies it almost gags me as my feet carry me forward. For some fucking reason, I turn around, regretting it almost immediately. The sight of Brittani’s mouth colliding with his will forever be burned into my mind. Tears beg to be released, but I won’t do it, holding them at bay. I refuse to cry for someone I never had. He’s never been mine, as much as I’ve dreamt about him calling me his girlfriend, he never did and he never will. Maybe this is God’s way of proving to me I shouldn’t be with him, that I should be alone and focus on myself and my career.
Marching back towards the crowd, I see Logan sitting on the back of his truck, beer in one hand, some barely clothed female in the other. I’ve never been to a party, before tonight, so I might as well live it up while the night is young and he’s just the guy to help me. Knowing that it will piss Colby off doesn’t hurt either. I’ve never been so into someone, and had to deal with all of these emotions, especially jealous ones. And it had to be Brittani of all people he was kissing.
“Logan, I need a beer!” I holler as I near him. Needing something to take the edge off, I turn to alcohol, just like my father. He glances up and smiles a wicked smile. He must see that I’m on a mission. If he means a mission to get drunk for the first time in my life, then yeah, I’m on a mission for sure. I know nothing good will come out of this – I’m not naïve – but I can’t help but want to drown out the image of that bitch sitting on top of him.
“Wild Hensley has made her presence, friends. This party just got real. Welcome to the real world, Hens!” Smirking, he bends and opens a small red and white cooler, and brings out a cold beer. Popping the cap, he reaches out and hands it to me. Taking it from him, I glance at the girl at his side. I’ve never seen her before.
“Hensley, this is Marcy. Marcy, this is my friend, Hensley.” The chick I now know as Marcy stands up on her tiptoes and kisses Logan on his cheek. She is no doubt marking her territory. Little does she know Logan doesn’t pique my interest at all. No one does anymore.
“Marcy, why don’t you give me and my friend some alone time?” He lets go of her waist and shoos her away with his hand. Taking a sip of my beer, the taste is the foulest, most disgusting taste in the entire world, but I swallow knowing it will help blur these edges, and this is probably all he has in his cooler.
The girl whines, but walks away, leaving me and Logan alone. He reaches for my hand and pulls me up on the tailgate with him.
“I’m really glad you decided to come out. I wanted to apologize for how I acted before. I was just, I don’t know, a little jealous of Colby. You know how I feel about you, and sometimes I just lose my cool. I
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