In The Company of My Sistahs by Angie Daniels Page A

“Every time he touches me I feel like I’m being raped.”
    Kayla’s eyes were wide. “Are you serious?”
    â€œYes, it is a terrible feeling. You just don’t know what it feels like to have some big fat man on top of you huffing and puffing when you don’t want to be touched by him. He spends almost an hour kissing and caressing every part of my body, telling me how much he loves me, and it drives me crazy. Then he makes love to me slowly, trying to savor the moment, and I want to scream. I can’t even get on top and control the moment because his thing is too damn short. Doggy style is a big waste of time because he can’t seem to do that shit right or maybe it’s because his dick is too short to hit my spot. So instead I lie there on my back and fake an orgasm just so he’ll come and get the fuck off of me.” I reached for my drink, feeling tears at the back of my throat. “I can’t continue like that.”
    â€œDang, girl. I didn’t know it was that bad.” Kayla actually looked like she truly felt sorry for me.
    â€œIt’s worse. But I also know it is unfair to him. He is a wonderful man and he deserves a chance to be happy with someone else. And I think the best thing I could ever do for him is let him go so that he has a chance to meet someone that’s right for him.”
    â€œSo what are you going to tell him?”
    I shook my head. “I don’t know. I can’t tell him the truth. I’ve tried to come up with every possible excuse and still haven’t been able to come up with shit.”
    â€œWell, it should be easier since the two of you aren’t living together.”
    â€œYeah, I know. But I just can’t see telling him something like that over the phone. He’s flying to Missouri in two weeks, so I guess I’ll have to tell him then.”
    Letting go had always been easy. All I needed was a reason to justify my actions and then I could walk away. That was the case with both my first and second husband. But what I find with John is that it’s not going to be that way. Because this time I don’t have a legitimate reason, except that he doesn’t satisfy me in bed, but I knew that long before I said “I do,” only I chose to ignore it.
    I have never met a nicer man. John’s kind, considerate. Ever since I told him I was unhappy he has been doing everything in his power to make things better. He doesn’t have a clue that nothing is going to make a difference. So far, I haven’t had the heart to tell him so.
    You’re probably thinking, “Renee, that heartless bitch, when does she have feelings for anyone?” Well, believe it or not, I am considerate of other’s feelings, especially when they’ve been nothing but good to me.
    I look at John with a stomach as wide as his smile and the gold band shining on his left hand, and I want to cry because I wish I could be everything he wants me to be. And it hurts because I can’t. Lord knows I’ve tried. We’ve been married for three years and I have been miserable for two. For one year I played the role of Suzy Homemaker, cooking, cleaning, catering to his every sexual need, and even before the twelve months were up I was asking myself what the hell was I doing trying to be someone I was not. However, I continued to try.
    Every time he reached under the covers and placed his hand on my knee, I cringed. My entire body would stiffen, and I would hope that by me not responding he would leave it alone, but he never does. The last time we were together was two months ago. As soon as I brought him home from the airport he mentioned he was exhausted, so we moved to the bedroom and I lay across the bed while he took a nap. The kids were still at school so it was a good time for a little rest and relaxation. Just as my eyes began to close, I felt his hand caressing the inside of my thigh. I tried to pretend I was