collects.
The photographs show a house slightly larger than the Sydney Football Stadium, equipped with virtually no furniture, save for a couple of chairs manufactured by the Danish Torture Commission. As chairs go they are very minimalist.
Very
minimalist. In fact, they’re just two radiata posts, placed casually onto the floor, above which guests are meant to hover. A snip at $2 000 each. As Veronica simpers: ‘To strip furniture back like that, to its very essence, to its very piece-of-woodiness, well, naturally it costs a little.’
Veronica describes her house as ‘cosy — a real traditional home’, later providing her own special definition of ‘cosy’: ‘It’s a place where one can easily invite 260 close friends to an impromptu performance of
Aida,
and still have room for a horse race down the hall.’
As you might expect, Brett and Veronica’s children are all above average. I give another shove against Elvis’s flank, and find myself remembering a book I once saw. Something like:
How to Increase Your IQ by Eating Gifted Children.
Thank goodness Veronica, with her usual flair, has chosen to house the children in their own wing, nestled by the harbour.
Suddenly, I feel I have a lot in common with Veronica, as our shuddering washing machine starts spewing water from its innards, cascading over my legs.
‘There you are, Veronica,’ I think, with just that little bit of pride, staring down at my soaked jeans, ‘you’re not the only one close to the water.’
The washing machine starts spasming, banging against the peeling paint on the bathroom wall, before the spin cycle finally stops. I relax, allowing my head to loll against Elvis’s still warm flank. Idly, I wonder where Veronica’s machine comes from. Probably Sweden.
People talk about the shattering effect of the cover-girl supermodels on the body-image of normal women; but what about the effect of a single issue of
Home Style Today
on our domestic morale? Perhaps I need a new magazine, more tailored to my lifestyle. Something like
Bad Housekeeping.
Or
Slacker Homes and Gardens.
Or
Home Bludger.
I pat Elvis’s flank and start to remove the clothes, which I must say he has washed superbly.
Veronica’s house — and washing machine — may be elegant, but sometimes, particularly at wash time, it’s not so bad to have some real agitation.
WebbyNettyStuff
F or a few years now, the world has seen an exponential growth in web-sites and e-businesses — all united by the desire to print EverySecond WordTogether for no DiscernibleReason.
But surely we need even more such businesses — all helping yet more people replace real experiences with web-potato ones.
SmellTheRoses.com At SmellTheRoses we interrupt your work every half-hour, replacing your current Net page with a high-resolution picture of a rose, thus forcing you to take a break and it least
see
the roses. Voted Most Annoying Web Service four years running.
[email protected] Here at CyberSisterhood we can’t understand why computer viruses all have female names, when it’s male computer nerds who’ve caused the problem. Talk about typical! Our VirusRenamer searches the Net and gives trouble its correct name — Barry, Steve or Brian.
EmptyCupboard.com At EmptyCupboard we realise Internet shopping is a lot of overhyped bull: it takes hours, a gormless sixteen-year-old mispacks your order, and — due to a mistaken keystroke — you’ve inevitably ordered nothing but a 75 kilo crate of dried basil. At EmptyCupboard we help the failed Internet shopper with recipes based entirely on all that’s left in your cupboard — a bag of rice and an old tin of Irish Stew. Enjoy!
PeskyKids.com Perhaps your kids don’t bother you any more because their heads are in the Net. Why not download some PeskyKids! We interrupt your own work on the Net with flashed requests for biscuits, drinks, and company. Both of you might be working on separate computers, in separate rooms, but
The photographs show a house slightly larger than the Sydney Football Stadium, equipped with virtually no furniture, save for a couple of chairs manufactured by the Danish Torture Commission. As chairs go they are very minimalist.
Very
minimalist. In fact, they’re just two radiata posts, placed casually onto the floor, above which guests are meant to hover. A snip at $2 000 each. As Veronica simpers: ‘To strip furniture back like that, to its very essence, to its very piece-of-woodiness, well, naturally it costs a little.’
Veronica describes her house as ‘cosy — a real traditional home’, later providing her own special definition of ‘cosy’: ‘It’s a place where one can easily invite 260 close friends to an impromptu performance of
Aida,
and still have room for a horse race down the hall.’
As you might expect, Brett and Veronica’s children are all above average. I give another shove against Elvis’s flank, and find myself remembering a book I once saw. Something like:
How to Increase Your IQ by Eating Gifted Children.
Thank goodness Veronica, with her usual flair, has chosen to house the children in their own wing, nestled by the harbour.
Suddenly, I feel I have a lot in common with Veronica, as our shuddering washing machine starts spewing water from its innards, cascading over my legs.
‘There you are, Veronica,’ I think, with just that little bit of pride, staring down at my soaked jeans, ‘you’re not the only one close to the water.’
The washing machine starts spasming, banging against the peeling paint on the bathroom wall, before the spin cycle finally stops. I relax, allowing my head to loll against Elvis’s still warm flank. Idly, I wonder where Veronica’s machine comes from. Probably Sweden.
People talk about the shattering effect of the cover-girl supermodels on the body-image of normal women; but what about the effect of a single issue of
Home Style Today
on our domestic morale? Perhaps I need a new magazine, more tailored to my lifestyle. Something like
Bad Housekeeping.
Or
Slacker Homes and Gardens.
Or
Home Bludger.
I pat Elvis’s flank and start to remove the clothes, which I must say he has washed superbly.
Veronica’s house — and washing machine — may be elegant, but sometimes, particularly at wash time, it’s not so bad to have some real agitation.
WebbyNettyStuff
F or a few years now, the world has seen an exponential growth in web-sites and e-businesses — all united by the desire to print EverySecond WordTogether for no DiscernibleReason.
But surely we need even more such businesses — all helping yet more people replace real experiences with web-potato ones.
SmellTheRoses.com At SmellTheRoses we interrupt your work every half-hour, replacing your current Net page with a high-resolution picture of a rose, thus forcing you to take a break and it least
see
the roses. Voted Most Annoying Web Service four years running.
[email protected] Here at CyberSisterhood we can’t understand why computer viruses all have female names, when it’s male computer nerds who’ve caused the problem. Talk about typical! Our VirusRenamer searches the Net and gives trouble its correct name — Barry, Steve or Brian.
EmptyCupboard.com At EmptyCupboard we realise Internet shopping is a lot of overhyped bull: it takes hours, a gormless sixteen-year-old mispacks your order, and — due to a mistaken keystroke — you’ve inevitably ordered nothing but a 75 kilo crate of dried basil. At EmptyCupboard we help the failed Internet shopper with recipes based entirely on all that’s left in your cupboard — a bag of rice and an old tin of Irish Stew. Enjoy!
PeskyKids.com Perhaps your kids don’t bother you any more because their heads are in the Net. Why not download some PeskyKids! We interrupt your own work on the Net with flashed requests for biscuits, drinks, and company. Both of you might be working on separate computers, in separate rooms, but
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