If I Should Die: A Kimber S. Dawn MC Novel by Kimber S. Dawn

I said, “Hi.”
    Yeah, that was about it. I was trying so hard to look like I was okay on the outside, and I forgot to double check on the inside that I was. Didn’t get my ducks lined up. Or my speech. But thankfully, Grams picks up where I completely and horribly let off.
    “Ilsa. Eden. How’ve you been, sweethearts? I love the idea of meeting here. Who’s idea was that? It’s beautiful.” She looks around briefly before settling her eyes on my mom’s. “Ilsa, honey, you have some explaining to do. And you’re not gonna like it one bit. Girls, go play.” And that’s that. Ilsa and Grams step off to the side under a low hanging enormous tree that has no business living indoors, and Eden and I scoot off down a hidden path under more hanging trees.
    It takes us both a while of walking before either of us speaks, then when we do, it’s at the same time. But I motion for her to go ahead, attempting to turn over that new leaf Ty keeps reminding me about.
    “I’ve missed you like crazy. I’ve written you, like a hundred times. Did you not get them? Any of them?” my sister asks.
    My Chucks would probably have squeaked if we weren’t walking on the soft ground and soil all the plants in the room were rooted in when my footsteps cease. “Did I get them? No. Did you get mine? Where have y’all even fucking been? Excuse my language, I’ve been away from mother. And I’m ill-informed. Sue me.” I roll my eyes before moving to walk around her. But not too fast. I’m pissed, but I also still want information. Thankfully it only takes a few seconds before I hear her feet falling into step behind mine.
    “I haven’t been with Mom this whole time. My dad—I had to go stay with him for a long time. After Chicago. And every time Mom got me back after that, she was trying to get you back too. Why are you so angry? We were trying to get to you, just like you were trying to get to us. What’s Grams told you? Whatever it is, don’t believe it.”
    Well that was more information than I expected...and so quickly. It’s odd, but I feel a measure of pride swell when I realize my sister’s grown up so much. But I’m still pissed. And looking for more answers. There’s never enough answers. “Don’t believe her? And why? She was the only one who even came. Do you even know where I was? Does Mom? I’ve been in hell! At least the two of you have had each other! I’ve had no one!” I know what I’m doing. I know I’m doing exactly what Grams told me not to, but I can’t help it. This fucking hurts, so much more. Damn it, I underestimated it.
    I didn’t think you could hurt an already damn broken heart. But shit! I was wrong!
    “She’s old and senile, Eve. Mom has been trying. I don’t care what that woman or the snakes in her head have told you—she never stopped trying.”
    I spin, flying around until I’m pinning her eyes with mine. I’m grabbing words quicker than I think them to spit at my sister. My twin . Or so I’d thought for half my short life. But before I can even say them, I feel my chin quiver—and curse myself just before falling apart. “Fuck,” I mutter as the tears fall, streaming down my face.
    I slump half on and half off a little toadstool stool for two, and Eden is there instantly, wrapping her frail arms around me. “Shh. I’m sorry. Eve, I’m sorry. Can we just be sisters right now, okay? Can you just be my sister right now? I’ve fucking missed you so much.” When I feel her tears soak through her long dark hair curtaining us before rolling down my shoulder, I feel something that can only be described as fear and restraint release.
    The binds of my sad childhood, the binds created by fear and loneliness, and timeless hours of self-hatred and solitude let go of their strong hold on my teenage heart. And for the first time in a long time, I feel my sister again.
    And no, I know it doesn’t make any sense when I explain it that way, but that’s the only way I know how. I still