I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide by Dorian Solot, Marshall Miller Page B
Authors: Dorian Solot, Marshall Miller
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sexy). Let it be something you do sometimes for no reason at all, just because it feels nice.
Definitely don’t stop doing these exercises, even if you’ve tried a few times and haven’t had an orgasm. It can take a while for your body to “wake up” and start appreciating the sensations, and it can take a while for you to fine-tune your technique. You may notice yourself getting aroused more on some days, less on other days. That’s fine. When you do get aroused, keep doing the things that got you to that place. You’re on the right track: Orgasms happen at the peak of arousal.
Don’t make having an orgasm a goal like trying to meet a productivity goal at work, where you work harder and harder and have less and less fun. Don’t think about orgasm while you’re doing these exercises—instead, think about whatever you find hot, and whatever feels good. Enjoy the journey!
been there, tried that didn’t like it
OKAY, SO YOU tried masturbating before and decided you didn’t like it. Don’t give up! The book Tickle Your Fancy wisely points out, “When you had sex for the first time, was it completely enjoyable? The first time you ate spinach or sushi, did you really like the taste?” Masturbation can be an acquired taste, and you’ll get better as you practice. Don’t write it off too fast.
Just do what feels good! I wish I had gone into it with a more “fun-oriented” mindset, rather than my systematic, goal-oriented, ‘’something’s-wrong-with-me-if-this-doesn’t-work” mindset.
step five: experiment with other things that can help boost your arousal.
○ Squeeze the muscles of your vagina. These are the same muscles you use to do Kegel exercises (see page 26). Squeezing and relaxing them speeds up your arousal, and can help nudge you toward an orgasm. It’s another thing to experiment with while you touch yourself.
○ Move your hips. Let them gyrate if it feels good. Move them up and back as you breathe and enjoy. Let your body move however it wants to.
○ Relax and breathe. You’ll be able to feel more if you relax the muscles in your pelvis and genitals. Imagine breathing directly into your pelvis.
○ Make noise. Let yourself sigh, moan, and make whatever noises you feel moved to make.
For a long time I was worried I would be loud and someone would hear me, and that held me back from having an orgasm. Being confident no one can hear me helped.
○ Use fantasy. In our survey, 72 percent of orgasmic women said they fantasized always or often while they masturbated. By comparison, only 45 percent of women who masturbated but hadn’t yet had an orgasm said they always or often fantasized. Learning how to fantasize, or giving themselves permission to do so, is one of the most common things women say helped them learn to have an orgasm.
Use your imagination to find those images and stories that are sexy to you. Let your mind drift over them. You can replay the same moment over and over if it turns you on, or follow a whole story in your mind, making yourself one of the people in the story. You can pretend that your own hands are someone else touching you. Your fantasies are private thoughts—no one else can ever know what they are unless you tell them. Don’t stress about whether your conscious, analytic mind “approves” of the stories, and don’t worry about whether you’d ever want to really do these things in real life. For now, they’re just thoughts that turn you on—nothing more, nothing less. Most women use fantasy when they want tohave an orgasm, especially when they’re alone, and often when they’re with a partner, as well. For more about fantasy, and figuring out what fantasies you like, see pages 30–31.
○ If you like, use stories, pictures, or movies. If erotic stories, romance novels, sexy pictures, or X-rated movies arouse you, or the idea appeals to you, by all means, read or look at them while you touch yourself. If the idea turns you off, then don’t! Some women
Definitely don’t stop doing these exercises, even if you’ve tried a few times and haven’t had an orgasm. It can take a while for your body to “wake up” and start appreciating the sensations, and it can take a while for you to fine-tune your technique. You may notice yourself getting aroused more on some days, less on other days. That’s fine. When you do get aroused, keep doing the things that got you to that place. You’re on the right track: Orgasms happen at the peak of arousal.
Don’t make having an orgasm a goal like trying to meet a productivity goal at work, where you work harder and harder and have less and less fun. Don’t think about orgasm while you’re doing these exercises—instead, think about whatever you find hot, and whatever feels good. Enjoy the journey!
been there, tried that didn’t like it
OKAY, SO YOU tried masturbating before and decided you didn’t like it. Don’t give up! The book Tickle Your Fancy wisely points out, “When you had sex for the first time, was it completely enjoyable? The first time you ate spinach or sushi, did you really like the taste?” Masturbation can be an acquired taste, and you’ll get better as you practice. Don’t write it off too fast.
Just do what feels good! I wish I had gone into it with a more “fun-oriented” mindset, rather than my systematic, goal-oriented, ‘’something’s-wrong-with-me-if-this-doesn’t-work” mindset.
step five: experiment with other things that can help boost your arousal.
○ Squeeze the muscles of your vagina. These are the same muscles you use to do Kegel exercises (see page 26). Squeezing and relaxing them speeds up your arousal, and can help nudge you toward an orgasm. It’s another thing to experiment with while you touch yourself.
○ Move your hips. Let them gyrate if it feels good. Move them up and back as you breathe and enjoy. Let your body move however it wants to.
○ Relax and breathe. You’ll be able to feel more if you relax the muscles in your pelvis and genitals. Imagine breathing directly into your pelvis.
○ Make noise. Let yourself sigh, moan, and make whatever noises you feel moved to make.
For a long time I was worried I would be loud and someone would hear me, and that held me back from having an orgasm. Being confident no one can hear me helped.
○ Use fantasy. In our survey, 72 percent of orgasmic women said they fantasized always or often while they masturbated. By comparison, only 45 percent of women who masturbated but hadn’t yet had an orgasm said they always or often fantasized. Learning how to fantasize, or giving themselves permission to do so, is one of the most common things women say helped them learn to have an orgasm.
Use your imagination to find those images and stories that are sexy to you. Let your mind drift over them. You can replay the same moment over and over if it turns you on, or follow a whole story in your mind, making yourself one of the people in the story. You can pretend that your own hands are someone else touching you. Your fantasies are private thoughts—no one else can ever know what they are unless you tell them. Don’t stress about whether your conscious, analytic mind “approves” of the stories, and don’t worry about whether you’d ever want to really do these things in real life. For now, they’re just thoughts that turn you on—nothing more, nothing less. Most women use fantasy when they want tohave an orgasm, especially when they’re alone, and often when they’re with a partner, as well. For more about fantasy, and figuring out what fantasies you like, see pages 30–31.
○ If you like, use stories, pictures, or movies. If erotic stories, romance novels, sexy pictures, or X-rated movies arouse you, or the idea appeals to you, by all means, read or look at them while you touch yourself. If the idea turns you off, then don’t! Some women
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