I Know I've Been Changed by Reshonda Tate Billingsley Page A

was holding a beautiful little girl. A homely-looking woman stood next to him, cheesing like a Cheshire cat. I immediately read the cut-line under the picture. “Sweet Poke High School football coach Reno McBride poses with his wife, Edith Louise McBride, and Imani, a three-year-old he rescued from the Arkansas River. McBride was fishing along the banks when the little girl, who was with her family nearby, fell into the river.”
    A nostalgic smile spread across my face. Reno, a hero? I couldn’t believe how well his life had turned out. Well, I guess good by Sweet Poke standards. I’d always thought he would end up with a dead-end job, a bunch of babies, and a boring existence. I looked closely at the picture of his wife. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place her face. She had one of those faces that you definitely wouldn’t remember. She was as bland as dry toast. And what in the world was that she had on? Why would she take a picture in that frumpy dress? It was a yellow paisley number with a huge, matronly lace collar. Her honey-colored hair was pinned up in a bun on top of her head. Huge bifocal-looking glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. Unbelievable. “Good grief, Reno. You couldn’t do any better than that?” I muttered.
    I was surprised at the tinge of jealousy I felt. Maybe it was because both of them looked genuinely happy. Maybe it was because I’d half-expected Reno to wither up and die when I’d left.
    It’s been seven years, get over it . I shook off thoughts of Reno. I guessed he would never truly be out of my system. After all, he was my first real love. The first man I’d ever made love to. The man who’d gotten me pregnant. I closed my eyes as the memories came rushing back.
     
    “You’re what?”
    “I didn’t stutter. I said, I’m having a baby.” I was standing outside Reno’s house, tears rushing down my face. Not only was I devastated that I was pregnant, I was also furious that I had let myself become a Sweet Poke statistic.
    Reno scratched his head in what I thought was stunned disbelief. Until he broke out in a big smile. “So you’re really pregnant?”
    I couldn’t believe this fool was standing there smiling at me like I’d told him we had just won the lottery or something. “Yes, and what are you smiling about?”
    “I’m going to be a daddy!” Reno slapped his knee and started dancing around. I looked at him like he had lost his mind.
    “I said, I’m pregnant. I ain’t said nothing about nobody being a daddy,” I snapped as I wiped away my tears.
    Reno stopped dancing and glared at me. “What are you talking about?”
    “Boy, I ain’t finna have no damn baby. Be stuck here forever. Living on welfare. Are you crazy?” My heart was racing. I started to envision diapers and food stamps and everything I ever dreamed of going up in smoke.
    Reno’s expression turned serious. “No, Raedella, I think you’re the crazy one if you’re saying what I think you’re saying.”
    He wasn’t fazing me. No, I didn’t ever want to be in this position, but I was here now. I knew what I had to do. I was shaking as I raised my head high. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, “I’m saying, I need three hundred dollars and for you to drive me to Little Rock to take care of this. We don’t have a choice and it’s not open for discussion.” I crossed my arms and glared back at him to let him know I was serious.
    He continued to stare at me, dumbfounded. “So you would just kill our child?”
    I felt myself shudder. I couldn’t believe he went there. This wasn’t easy for me but I saw the big picture.
    “God wouldn’t approve of this.”
    “Oh, don’t go getting all holy on me. You wasn’t thinking about that when you was having sex with me!” I huffed and fought back tears again. “Besides, God will understand. God knows this”—I flung my arms out—“He knows this is not my destiny! I’m about to finish high school. I’m going to