How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less by Nicholas Boothman
Authors: Nicholas Boothman
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“Oh, heck, it's raining. It's going to be a lousy day,” whereas someone with a positive explanatory style might say, "Hey, free car wash,
and great for the garden." The point is that the nature of our explanations determines our attitudes, and people have differing responses to the same
external reality.
We can loosely categorize these responses into familiar mind-sets and patterns. In the
1970s Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the founders of Neuro-Linguistic Programming,
noticed in their early work with clients that people could be roughly divided into three
types, depending on how they filtered the world through their senses. They called these
types Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. For example, let's say three students go to a rock
concert. Judy is primarily Visual, Phyllis is Auditory and Alex is Kinesthetic. When
they later describe their experience to their friends, Judy will paint word pictures to
tell what the concert looked like: "Oh, wow,
you should have seen itall these people jumping about and the singer ripped his pants and
his toupee flew off!“ Phyllis will say what the concert sounded like: ”The music was
incredible. The beat was deafening; everyone was yelling and singing along. You should
have heard it. It was a real screamer!“ Alex, who relates to feelings and touch, will
describe what it felt like: ”Oh man, you could just feel the energy. The place was packed.
We could hardly move, and when they played 'Blue Rodeo' the whole place erupted."
In other words, Visuals tend to use picture words, Auditories choose sound words and
Kinesthetics favor physical words.
What we are talking about here is a new dimension of synchrony and rapport. This chapter
will go beyond attitude, body language and voice tone to the very way our senses take in
and literally make sense of the world around us.
the three ways in which we can be inspired: by something we see externally, or
internally in our mind's eye as an image or a vision; by something we hear either
externally or emanating from that little voice inside; or by something we feel or touch.
Usually it's a combination of these experiences that helps us interpret the outside
world, but one of these three sensessight, sound or touchtends to dominate the other two.
To the untrained eye (or ear), all of us look, sound and feel just like ordinary folks;
however, to the trained person there are subtle but important differences. As you might
imagine, an individual who gives primary importance to the way things look will be
concerned with and influenced by appearances. Similarly, someone to whom sound is
important will respond to the way things sound, and a person who experiences the world through physical sensations will be concerned 117 with the way things feel, both internally and externally, through touch.
Last year I was listening to two politicians being interviewed on the radio. They were
both thinking of running for the leadership of their party. When the interviewer asked
them to “voice their plans,” one said, quite thoughtfully, “I'm leaning heavily toward
giving it a shot.” The much quicker response from the other man was “Now that we have a
clearer view of the future, I can see the possibilities.” The interviewer responded,
“Sounds like you're both ready to announce your intentions.”
What do you reckon? Can you grasp the distinction? The interviewer, using phrases like
“voice your plans” and “announce your intentions,” was probably Auditory. (In all
fairness, that would be natural language to use on the radio, but still a surprising
number of radio hosts turn out to be Auditory.) The first aspiring leader used physical
language“lean heavily,” “give it a shot”and spoke deliberately, indicating a Kinesthetic
inclination. The second hopeful candidate had “a clearer view” and could “see the
possibilities,”
and great for the garden." The point is that the nature of our explanations determines our attitudes, and people have differing responses to the same
external reality.
We can loosely categorize these responses into familiar mind-sets and patterns. In the
1970s Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the founders of Neuro-Linguistic Programming,
noticed in their early work with clients that people could be roughly divided into three
types, depending on how they filtered the world through their senses. They called these
types Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. For example, let's say three students go to a rock
concert. Judy is primarily Visual, Phyllis is Auditory and Alex is Kinesthetic. When
they later describe their experience to their friends, Judy will paint word pictures to
tell what the concert looked like: "Oh, wow,
you should have seen itall these people jumping about and the singer ripped his pants and
his toupee flew off!“ Phyllis will say what the concert sounded like: ”The music was
incredible. The beat was deafening; everyone was yelling and singing along. You should
have heard it. It was a real screamer!“ Alex, who relates to feelings and touch, will
describe what it felt like: ”Oh man, you could just feel the energy. The place was packed.
We could hardly move, and when they played 'Blue Rodeo' the whole place erupted."
In other words, Visuals tend to use picture words, Auditories choose sound words and
Kinesthetics favor physical words.
What we are talking about here is a new dimension of synchrony and rapport. This chapter
will go beyond attitude, body language and voice tone to the very way our senses take in
and literally make sense of the world around us.
the three ways in which we can be inspired: by something we see externally, or
internally in our mind's eye as an image or a vision; by something we hear either
externally or emanating from that little voice inside; or by something we feel or touch.
Usually it's a combination of these experiences that helps us interpret the outside
world, but one of these three sensessight, sound or touchtends to dominate the other two.
To the untrained eye (or ear), all of us look, sound and feel just like ordinary folks;
however, to the trained person there are subtle but important differences. As you might
imagine, an individual who gives primary importance to the way things look will be
concerned with and influenced by appearances. Similarly, someone to whom sound is
important will respond to the way things sound, and a person who experiences the world through physical sensations will be concerned 117 with the way things feel, both internally and externally, through touch.
Last year I was listening to two politicians being interviewed on the radio. They were
both thinking of running for the leadership of their party. When the interviewer asked
them to “voice their plans,” one said, quite thoughtfully, “I'm leaning heavily toward
giving it a shot.” The much quicker response from the other man was “Now that we have a
clearer view of the future, I can see the possibilities.” The interviewer responded,
“Sounds like you're both ready to announce your intentions.”
What do you reckon? Can you grasp the distinction? The interviewer, using phrases like
“voice your plans” and “announce your intentions,” was probably Auditory. (In all
fairness, that would be natural language to use on the radio, but still a surprising
number of radio hosts turn out to be Auditory.) The first aspiring leader used physical
language“lean heavily,” “give it a shot”and spoke deliberately, indicating a Kinesthetic
inclination. The second hopeful candidate had “a clearer view” and could “see the
possibilities,”
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