How to Get What You Want: Without Having to Ask (Frank Feng's Library) by Richard Templar
Authors: Richard Templar
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is you’re asking. Because if you don’t know, he’s certainly not going to. And if he’s not sure exactly what he’s agreeing to, well...it’s easier just to say no.
Pick Your Moment
Last night I was busy trying to cook for the family. The gas had run out so the grill wasn’t working, and I had to use the dinky, little emergency slow cooker that never cooperates fully. I’d had to work late (writing this book) so I was quite tight for time. In any spare moment I could grab I was putting together my youngest son’s lunchbox for the morning and changing the laundry load. I was also trying to get a pill down a recalcitrant cat, which was the moment my eldest son decided to ask me if he could bake some cookies. Guess what I told him? (But please leave out the language I used under my breath.)
If you want someone to say yes to you, the time to ask them is when they’re feeling chilled, happy, relaxed, full of the joys of the world, at one with the universe. If you can’t catch them in that mood, at least wait until they’re cheerful and not in a hurry. Finding the right moment can seem like a minor detail, but getting it wrong is actually one of the biggest reasons people say no.
Make a Date
Sometimes you know that you’ll get what you want if you catch someone in the right mood. And this may be only a small (though important) step toward your final goal. Catching the right moment works for certain people, but others are always busy, and you tend to feel you haven’t got their full attention. Or this is a vital stage in your plan, even the crucial point, and it’s really important you discuss what you want in detail. Maybe you need to convince your partner that now is the time to start a family, or to persuade your boss to interview you for the new position.
In that case it’s really essential you have their full attention for several minutes at least. It’s just not going to work if they have to dash off before you’re done asking. So the answer is obvious: Make an appointment. Don’t just aim to catch your boss on a quiet day—ask for an appointment. If she wants to know why, say you want to talk about your work, or your performance.
In the case of your partner, if home life gets busy you can arrange to go out for a walk or a meal to get them alone for a decent length of time. You can invite a neighbor or friend over for coffee or out for a drink. Whether it’s a formal meeting or an informal get-together, what you need to organize is time away from other distractions so you can concentrate on what you’re going to ask.
Know When to Put It Off
This is something you really want, something important to you. Even so, it just occasionally happens that you realize before you get to your meeting that you’re not actually properly prepared for it. Maybe you were going to prepare and then some crisis got in the way. Or perhaps you discovered some vital fact at the last minute.
Whatever the reason, you’re now supposed to be meeting your boss, your child’s head teacher, your mother, your bank manager, your neighbor—whoever—in a few hours, and you realize you’re not ready. They may ask questions or raise arguments that you have no good answer to. What do you do?
You postpone; that’s what. Rearrange the meeting or ask them if you can have that chat next week instead. I know, I know, you don’t want to mess people around, and you don’t want to wait. But what else can you do? You only get one chance at a first approach—and it’s always so much harder to have to go back and re-propose whatever it is, because you weren’t prepared the first time.
Another few days will be worth the wait, knowing that you can get all your homework done properly before the next time, and that you’ll then wow her with a convincing and appealing approach that she can’t say no to. And that’s worth waiting for.
Keep to the Script
Right, you’ve already made sure that you know exactly what you’re asking
Pick Your Moment
Last night I was busy trying to cook for the family. The gas had run out so the grill wasn’t working, and I had to use the dinky, little emergency slow cooker that never cooperates fully. I’d had to work late (writing this book) so I was quite tight for time. In any spare moment I could grab I was putting together my youngest son’s lunchbox for the morning and changing the laundry load. I was also trying to get a pill down a recalcitrant cat, which was the moment my eldest son decided to ask me if he could bake some cookies. Guess what I told him? (But please leave out the language I used under my breath.)
If you want someone to say yes to you, the time to ask them is when they’re feeling chilled, happy, relaxed, full of the joys of the world, at one with the universe. If you can’t catch them in that mood, at least wait until they’re cheerful and not in a hurry. Finding the right moment can seem like a minor detail, but getting it wrong is actually one of the biggest reasons people say no.
Make a Date
Sometimes you know that you’ll get what you want if you catch someone in the right mood. And this may be only a small (though important) step toward your final goal. Catching the right moment works for certain people, but others are always busy, and you tend to feel you haven’t got their full attention. Or this is a vital stage in your plan, even the crucial point, and it’s really important you discuss what you want in detail. Maybe you need to convince your partner that now is the time to start a family, or to persuade your boss to interview you for the new position.
In that case it’s really essential you have their full attention for several minutes at least. It’s just not going to work if they have to dash off before you’re done asking. So the answer is obvious: Make an appointment. Don’t just aim to catch your boss on a quiet day—ask for an appointment. If she wants to know why, say you want to talk about your work, or your performance.
In the case of your partner, if home life gets busy you can arrange to go out for a walk or a meal to get them alone for a decent length of time. You can invite a neighbor or friend over for coffee or out for a drink. Whether it’s a formal meeting or an informal get-together, what you need to organize is time away from other distractions so you can concentrate on what you’re going to ask.
Know When to Put It Off
This is something you really want, something important to you. Even so, it just occasionally happens that you realize before you get to your meeting that you’re not actually properly prepared for it. Maybe you were going to prepare and then some crisis got in the way. Or perhaps you discovered some vital fact at the last minute.
Whatever the reason, you’re now supposed to be meeting your boss, your child’s head teacher, your mother, your bank manager, your neighbor—whoever—in a few hours, and you realize you’re not ready. They may ask questions or raise arguments that you have no good answer to. What do you do?
You postpone; that’s what. Rearrange the meeting or ask them if you can have that chat next week instead. I know, I know, you don’t want to mess people around, and you don’t want to wait. But what else can you do? You only get one chance at a first approach—and it’s always so much harder to have to go back and re-propose whatever it is, because you weren’t prepared the first time.
Another few days will be worth the wait, knowing that you can get all your homework done properly before the next time, and that you’ll then wow her with a convincing and appealing approach that she can’t say no to. And that’s worth waiting for.
Keep to the Script
Right, you’ve already made sure that you know exactly what you’re asking
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