them.
I was happy studying them. I looked forward each night to my studies.
As a Hungarian boy and then as an American man, I diligently continued the study I began on the ship, a lifelong exploration of the bodies of women
.
I dream still about waking early and waiting for the women on the ship to slowly put their clothes on. Sometimes my mother, seeing the intensity of my study, told me to look away
.
I looked away, but wherever I looked I saw only more naked women.
During the day, the men and women mingled on deck and the children played. My father was ill. He had the flu and we never saw him.
We visited him in a room where he was lying down. We had to put masks on our faces when we saw him. I didn’t know why but I didn’t ask any questions.
I thought it was another oddity among people whose streets were paved with gold.
I didn’t know what gold was until they showed me it was teeth. An old Hungarian woman in the barrack had heard me ask what it was. So she opened her mouth wide and told me to look deep into it.
In the back, among black teeth, something gleamed. It was the gold. I understood it then.
In America, the streets would be full of these special gleaming teeth.
· · ·
A soldier saw my mother on the deck of the ship light up her newspaper filled with tree leaves. He came over and asked to smell what she was smoking. She gave it to him.
He took a drag and started to cough. He threw it over the side, looked at her angrily, and walked away. My mother held on to me. I knew she was frightened.
The soldier came back. He handed her three packs of American cigarettes in a shiny-paper covering. She told him no in Hungarian, but he said
Yez, Yez
.
He opened one of the packs and handed her a cigarette. She put it into her mouth. Her hands were shaking. He lit it for her with a match. She took a deep drag and looked away from him.
I saw she was crying. I looked at him and he was crying, too, but smiling at the same time. Then the American walked away.
A soldier saw me on deck looking at the sea. There were big fish in it, my mother told me, which ate you if you fell into the water. I was trying to see the fish that ate you but I couldn’t.
The soldier brought me a rocking horse and a flute. I said,
“Vell, okay, hov arr yu, zank yu.”
He laughed and ruffled my hair.
I loved my rocking horse and my flute. I had the flute in my mouth all day and blew it as hard as I could. My mother said, “Stop. You’re all out of breath.”
But I blew it and blew it.
It began to rain. The wind howled. The ship pitched forward and back and leaned to the side. We had to stay all day in the room where the women slept. Many of them were throwing up. Needless to say, I was throwing up, too.
But I was happy.
I had my rocking horse and my flute and there were some women who were naked now even during the day.
My mother and father were on deck in the sunshine. I was next to them blowing my flute. Up ahead, we could see the tallest buildings I had ever seen—ten times the size of the sheer-cliff mountain in Salzburg.
They hugged me and said, “Look, Jozsi, look at America!”
I stopped blowing my flute and looked. I said, “They have big barracks here, Papa!”
The soldier who had given me the rocking horse and the flute came and took them back.
I screamed. They were
mine!
My parents explained that they were for other little boys, too, who’d also come to America on this ship. I didn’t care about other little boys. I cared about my rocking horse and my flute.
I screamed at the soldier. I screamed—“
Vell, okay, Hov arr yu, Zank yu!
”—at the top of my lungs. I didn’t know any other American words.
He shook his head and walked away with my things. A few minutes later, he came back and said I could keep the flute.
I started screaming at him again, but it didn’t work this time. He kept the rocking horse.
We left the ship in a long line. There were relief people on the dock waiting for us refugees,
I was happy studying them. I looked forward each night to my studies.
As a Hungarian boy and then as an American man, I diligently continued the study I began on the ship, a lifelong exploration of the bodies of women
.
I dream still about waking early and waiting for the women on the ship to slowly put their clothes on. Sometimes my mother, seeing the intensity of my study, told me to look away
.
I looked away, but wherever I looked I saw only more naked women.
During the day, the men and women mingled on deck and the children played. My father was ill. He had the flu and we never saw him.
We visited him in a room where he was lying down. We had to put masks on our faces when we saw him. I didn’t know why but I didn’t ask any questions.
I thought it was another oddity among people whose streets were paved with gold.
I didn’t know what gold was until they showed me it was teeth. An old Hungarian woman in the barrack had heard me ask what it was. So she opened her mouth wide and told me to look deep into it.
In the back, among black teeth, something gleamed. It was the gold. I understood it then.
In America, the streets would be full of these special gleaming teeth.
· · ·
A soldier saw my mother on the deck of the ship light up her newspaper filled with tree leaves. He came over and asked to smell what she was smoking. She gave it to him.
He took a drag and started to cough. He threw it over the side, looked at her angrily, and walked away. My mother held on to me. I knew she was frightened.
The soldier came back. He handed her three packs of American cigarettes in a shiny-paper covering. She told him no in Hungarian, but he said
Yez, Yez
.
He opened one of the packs and handed her a cigarette. She put it into her mouth. Her hands were shaking. He lit it for her with a match. She took a deep drag and looked away from him.
I saw she was crying. I looked at him and he was crying, too, but smiling at the same time. Then the American walked away.
A soldier saw me on deck looking at the sea. There were big fish in it, my mother told me, which ate you if you fell into the water. I was trying to see the fish that ate you but I couldn’t.
The soldier brought me a rocking horse and a flute. I said,
“Vell, okay, hov arr yu, zank yu.”
He laughed and ruffled my hair.
I loved my rocking horse and my flute. I had the flute in my mouth all day and blew it as hard as I could. My mother said, “Stop. You’re all out of breath.”
But I blew it and blew it.
It began to rain. The wind howled. The ship pitched forward and back and leaned to the side. We had to stay all day in the room where the women slept. Many of them were throwing up. Needless to say, I was throwing up, too.
But I was happy.
I had my rocking horse and my flute and there were some women who were naked now even during the day.
My mother and father were on deck in the sunshine. I was next to them blowing my flute. Up ahead, we could see the tallest buildings I had ever seen—ten times the size of the sheer-cliff mountain in Salzburg.
They hugged me and said, “Look, Jozsi, look at America!”
I stopped blowing my flute and looked. I said, “They have big barracks here, Papa!”
The soldier who had given me the rocking horse and the flute came and took them back.
I screamed. They were
mine!
My parents explained that they were for other little boys, too, who’d also come to America on this ship. I didn’t care about other little boys. I cared about my rocking horse and my flute.
I screamed at the soldier. I screamed—“
Vell, okay, Hov arr yu, Zank yu!
”—at the top of my lungs. I didn’t know any other American words.
He shook his head and walked away with my things. A few minutes later, he came back and said I could keep the flute.
I started screaming at him again, but it didn’t work this time. He kept the rocking horse.
We left the ship in a long line. There were relief people on the dock waiting for us refugees,
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