Holding Her in Madness by Kimber S. Dawn

begin with. Bitched all the time.” I flip the light off and head to my room.
    “Hey, don’t say that shit about April. It’s not cool.”
    I chuckle, unlocking the door. “Thought you were over it?”
    I turn on the lights and my laugh dies in my throat. My chest fuckin’ cracks wide open. Immediately I’m bum-rushed with memories of Lil. Lil asleep in my bed. Lil singing in my shower. Lil digging through my movies. My teaching Lil wrestling moves on the floor. Lil and I together.
    Everywhere.
    Lil. Just Lil. Only Lil.
    Fucking everywhere.
    I gotta go. I need to find her. NOW.
    “Josh, where’s Lil?”
    He laughs but quickly stops and confusion takes over his features. “What?”
    “Lil, where’s she at?”
    “I don’t...” He shrugs and looks at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. “How the fuck would I know?”
    “Where’s Jason? He still talk to Allen?” I change shirts and put a baseball cap on, tucking my hair behind my ears.
    “Yeah...” His response sounds like a question and it fucking pisses me off. Instead of clocking him in the mouth, I grab my keys from my desk, head towards the door to open it, and wave Josh out.
    “Okay, so where’s Jason?” I grab my pack of cigarettes from the table by the door before I close and lock it.
    “He’s spending the night with Allen. Why?” I head to my car and hear Josh fall in step behind me.
    “Good. Call that little fucker and find out where Lil is.” I open my car door and hop in. “They still live in the same house?”
    “Yeah, but dude, you haven’t been in town for an hour. You do remember what the hell drove your ass outta town, right? What landed you in the hospital before you left?”
    “Don’t give a fuck, man. Get in the damn car in case I need your ass to call Jason and find out where she is.” Josh hurries around the hood of my car and gets in.
    I skid out onto the road and haul ass towards my firecracker. Josh and I stop at a Circle-K down the street from Lil’s house and I make him call and question Jason. He sucks at it. He’s got to be the shittest, most non-evasive motherfucker I have ever had to deal with.
    He heads to the car and slips in the front seat. “Yeah, she’s at home. In the backyard or some shit. Her little brother said she goes out there every night to write. Fucking weird bitch.”
    “Get the fuck outta my car.” I crank it and push the gas.
    “What?!?” Why does this idiot keep looking at me like I’ve lost my fucking mind?
    “You got another quarter?” My eyebrows almost meet my hairline.
    “Y-y-yeah?”
    I nod towards the door handle. “Get the fuck outta my car. Make a call. I don’t care. Do know you’re not gonna call my girl weird or a bitch. Also know your mouth is too fucking loud and you’re just gonna run it and fuck up my shit. Now... Get the fuck. Out. Of. My. Car.”
    “Are you fuckin’ kidding me, Leo?” He gets out and slams the car door. Hard. “Fuck you, man. You fuckin’ suck!”
    “I’ll be back by in a minute. Keep your damn panties from twisting, bitch. If you haven’t found a ride by the time I’m done, I’ll pick you back up. We’ll head back home and split a twelve-pack, cool?”
    “NO! It’s not cool. It sucks!”
    “Yep.” I put my car in first gear. “Does, doesn’t it?”
    I rev the engine before peeling out of the parking lot and hear Josh screaming, “Fuck you!” with both of his middle fingers up.
    “Don’t call my firecracker a weird bitch, ya bitch.”
    By the time I pull onto Lil’s road, both anxiety and serene calmness have spread throughout my entire body. It is freaky as hell.
    I park a few house down and get out of my car but leave the door cracked, not wanting to close it. I’m so damn nervous that I’ll draw attention to myself my hands are trembling. I shake them out hoping it’ll help, but it doesn’t.
    Lil’s house doesn’t have a gate or a fence. So her backyard is just wide open and they don’t have neighbors an acre each way