over his shoulder, his eyes focused on a point on the ground in front of her feet. 'When?'
'You know when.'
'It doesn't really matter now. We're making an effort to fix things. Let's just let it go at that.'
She followed him when he stepped away again, her voice low. 'I don't think I can. I can't go back and change things. But every action has a reaction. Maybe I might have pushed harder to make sure you knew if you'd been remotely in the area of approachable.' She laughed a nervous laugh, fully aware that she was rambling. 'But you were some kind of ghost that was there one minute and gone the next. It was like you didn't even exist any more until you formed your company and made the announcement to the press with Mattie. Lizzie was almost three, then.'
She stopped when he stopped and then took a deep breath, forcing herself to stop rambling long enough to make sense of what she was trying to say.
'So now that I know I made a mistake not finding you to tell you, I need to know. Where did you go in those missing years? What made you drop out of Trinity early?'
Kane looked over his shoulder again. A muscle in his jaw flexed, his gaze shifted from her face to focus on a random point on the stone wall beside him. And in that instant, the minute movements told Rhiannon that, whatever it had been, it was something he still wasn't entirely comfortable with.
Thick, dark lashes flickered slightly as he searched the wall, taking the time to decide whether or not to answer her most likely. So Rhiannon tried again, feeling distinctly as if she were walking on eggshells as she braved another step closer to him, to where it would have taken very little effort to reach out and touch him.
Instead her arms hung redundantly at her sides, her cold fingers flexing in and out of her palms while she bit down on her bottom lip, willing him to give her a reason to understand, to complete the picture.
She really needed to know because, for her, it was the missing part of the puzzle. And it might only have been a moment or two longer while she waited for him to answer, but it felt like an eternity.
And still he seemed to be struggling inwardly. So Rhiannon tried to make it easier. 'I need to know.'
His gaze flickered briefly in her direction again, dark brow quirking, possibly in reaction to the somewhat breathless sincerity in her voice.
'It doesn't really matter any more, does it? We both made decisions then that we could have had no idea would stretch forward this far.'
The fact that he was trying to share the responsibility for the mistakes that'd been made softened a part of her she'd been protecting since he'd reappeared in her life. But it also made her need to know even stronger.
'It matters to me.' Rhiannon realized she had barely spoken the words aloud, so she cleared her throat. 'The reasons I had for doing the things I did then still matter to you, don't they? So why should your reasons be less important to me? It's all part and parcel of the same mess.'
'Maybe.' His voice was equally as soft, held a husky edge that drew her step closer to him. 'But I've been thinking some and what I think is that knowing doesn't change anything. And we're starting to make some progress, I think. Not arguing was a step in the right direction. And we agreed—this isn't about us—it's about Lizzie.'
'Yes, it is.' She knew he was right about that—there was too much water under the proverbial bridge. 'But I still need to know.'
He turned away, forcing Rhiannon to look at the back of his head. So she sighed and tried one last time, silently promising herself it would be the last time; she couldn't keep showing how much it still mattered. Because he was right about that too—it shouldn't matter any more.
'I've watched you with her, Kane, and the way you are reminds me of the way you used to be. You're right; I didn't hate you when we were together. And I don't want to carry around all the hatred I had for you afterwards any more either.
'You know when.'
'It doesn't really matter now. We're making an effort to fix things. Let's just let it go at that.'
She followed him when he stepped away again, her voice low. 'I don't think I can. I can't go back and change things. But every action has a reaction. Maybe I might have pushed harder to make sure you knew if you'd been remotely in the area of approachable.' She laughed a nervous laugh, fully aware that she was rambling. 'But you were some kind of ghost that was there one minute and gone the next. It was like you didn't even exist any more until you formed your company and made the announcement to the press with Mattie. Lizzie was almost three, then.'
She stopped when he stopped and then took a deep breath, forcing herself to stop rambling long enough to make sense of what she was trying to say.
'So now that I know I made a mistake not finding you to tell you, I need to know. Where did you go in those missing years? What made you drop out of Trinity early?'
Kane looked over his shoulder again. A muscle in his jaw flexed, his gaze shifted from her face to focus on a random point on the stone wall beside him. And in that instant, the minute movements told Rhiannon that, whatever it had been, it was something he still wasn't entirely comfortable with.
Thick, dark lashes flickered slightly as he searched the wall, taking the time to decide whether or not to answer her most likely. So Rhiannon tried again, feeling distinctly as if she were walking on eggshells as she braved another step closer to him, to where it would have taken very little effort to reach out and touch him.
Instead her arms hung redundantly at her sides, her cold fingers flexing in and out of her palms while she bit down on her bottom lip, willing him to give her a reason to understand, to complete the picture.
She really needed to know because, for her, it was the missing part of the puzzle. And it might only have been a moment or two longer while she waited for him to answer, but it felt like an eternity.
And still he seemed to be struggling inwardly. So Rhiannon tried to make it easier. 'I need to know.'
His gaze flickered briefly in her direction again, dark brow quirking, possibly in reaction to the somewhat breathless sincerity in her voice.
'It doesn't really matter any more, does it? We both made decisions then that we could have had no idea would stretch forward this far.'
The fact that he was trying to share the responsibility for the mistakes that'd been made softened a part of her she'd been protecting since he'd reappeared in her life. But it also made her need to know even stronger.
'It matters to me.' Rhiannon realized she had barely spoken the words aloud, so she cleared her throat. 'The reasons I had for doing the things I did then still matter to you, don't they? So why should your reasons be less important to me? It's all part and parcel of the same mess.'
'Maybe.' His voice was equally as soft, held a husky edge that drew her step closer to him. 'But I've been thinking some and what I think is that knowing doesn't change anything. And we're starting to make some progress, I think. Not arguing was a step in the right direction. And we agreed—this isn't about us—it's about Lizzie.'
'Yes, it is.' She knew he was right about that—there was too much water under the proverbial bridge. 'But I still need to know.'
He turned away, forcing Rhiannon to look at the back of his head. So she sighed and tried one last time, silently promising herself it would be the last time; she couldn't keep showing how much it still mattered. Because he was right about that too—it shouldn't matter any more.
'I've watched you with her, Kane, and the way you are reminds me of the way you used to be. You're right; I didn't hate you when we were together. And I don't want to carry around all the hatred I had for you afterwards any more either.
Similar Books
