geeraa and run at her. Leave a shot of cheap rye and some towels on the sideboard, boysâif I survive Iâm gonna need them. Survive? HahâIâll be lucky to die in one piece. Give mom a kiss and dad a gatâput a candle in the window and a shiv up your buttâme, Iâm going in .
/ 25 /
Did we make lewd tangled love? Got meâI passed out within microseconds. Squid twats are stanky . Till much later I sat up like a drunk rocket. Was I dead yet? Happy stupid hoping! Nopeâjust choking on undersea slime. Which I spit out and glanced around for escape routesâthat damned kraken would rear her fugly butt any second and demand more nooky. You know the ruleâyou bone it, you own it. But instead I bumped into a much naked chick. And not just any nude girlâthis one was a stark fetal pink. She glowed like Godâs tongue. âYou do love me,â she traced a hand down my biceps, âbut why you got such weak arms?â
âYou should talk,â I laughed, âyou only got one.â âCause her other arm was lopped off neat at the shoulder.
âNoâIâve got eight. Or is it ten? It was eight. God dammitâthose silly gangstas mustâve chopped one off,â she pointed at dead Yakuza. Actually everyone in hereâbartenders, beer gnomes, sake hoes, and sloshed pilotsâwas killed except us. âGrrr, grrr,â she growled, âthey cut off my tentacle!â
âYour which what?â I was mondo confusedâI need more brain for big knowing!
âMy tentacle , dumb butt!â she screeched, ow.
âUuuuurt?â I cocked my head like a cartoon dog.
âYou still donât get it,â that pink lass sulked, âIâm her .â
âHer who?â I wiped gangsta goo off my ankle.
âIâm Squidra, â she punched my shoulder, ow.
âNahâI donât think so,â I scoped her up and down, âcanât be. Really?â Whoever she was, she was hotter than fried gold.
âYour kiss changed me,â she licked her lips even pinker.
âYeah,â I shrugged, âI do have this spiritual effect on chicks, andââ
âNo, dufus,â she punched me harder, ow ow, âyou changed me into a human .â
âUm, Iâm not sure how that worksââ and why did she morph, anyway? Was it my smoochy human-growth hormone spunk what changed her? Was it fairies with goofer dust and Grimm pedigrees? Who caresâmake something up. âAnd look here,â that girl slapped her chest, âI got happy tits!â
âThey are happy,â I admired them. But even more than their upward liltâmore than their handy size and fragrant weightâthey were this garish, DayGlo delirium-tremens baby elephant pink like the rest of her. She was a candy gestalt mixed from sleep and peach nougat with black fuzz sprinkles on her yummy puss. âLetâs have more nooky,â she cooedâand yepâshe was def Squidra. My big ritual sex dick cured herâI am a hot weenie god! Pink girl, youâre an unkempt visionâletâs apply! Plus she still smelled like an unwashed oceanâthatâs how I knew she was her. âYou seem surprised,â Squidra giggled, grabbing my armâowâway too hard. âOops,â she grinned that trick smile, âIâm still way stronger than you, blue mansu.â It was her smile what clinched itâyou only see grins like that on drowned babies and anthropomorphic squidsâthat primordial smirk, the smile that splits the world alive. Itâs how wolves sneer when they smell gored ponies. Itâs how lightning beams when it spots a lone golfer. âMaybe we should get out of here,â Squidra giggled, âwant me to carry you?â
âWith one arm? Good luck,â I scowled. Hey, at least she ainât taller than meâor that dead pilot whose bloody raincoat I draped around
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