choice in the matter. Porn thus exploits a fast-food approach to male fantasy.
The male propensity to objectify body parts stands in marked contrast to women. While certainly appreciative of the male form, most women fantasize about sex within a more emotional, passionate context.
In one study of 300 college students, 41 percent of the women but only 16 percent of the men said their fantasies focused on the “personal or emotional characteristics of the partner.” Nonetheless, interpolate the economics and socialization aspects—such as the fact that until the advent of Internet pornography, women were far less likely to have easy access to porn and that most pornography is aesthetically geared toward men—and the gap between the numbers contracts. Luckily for women, they have, until recently, been a largely undertargeted market segment for pornography consumption and have thus developed a healthy aversion to the fast-food aspect of cookie-cutter pornography.
Other salient differences in male and female fantasies are that men are purportedly more likely to imagine themselves taking an aggressive or active role, whereas women often envision something being done to them. But, then again, this behavior has been codified as normative and causes the least amount of guilt and resistance. It is also a familiar semiotic shortcut that works.
Male fantasies often involve sex with two or more partners at one time. That said, I’ve observed that while many men fantasize about having a threesome with their partner, the additional partner they’re hoping for is not always a woman! And what is important to understand about the prevalence of male fantasies about lesbianism and orgies is that it alleviates the pressure to perform. The male spectator can envision being a welcomed, coveted participant from the safety of the sidelines, while he is free to let the images wash over him, free from physical compunction. Thus, it takes on a dreamlike quality as described earlier, in that it allows the male spectator to enjoy the visuals without forging an identification with a male protagonist required to perform.
Men also fantasize about being sexually irresistible. They fantasize about their seductive power and ability to overwhelm a reluctant woman through the power of their sexual magnetism. While women are generally the recipients of the male gaze, men, like women, are turned on by being looked at, admired, and desired. Women are often so sadly preoccupied with how they measure up to mainstream standards of feminine beauty and sexual appeal that they fail to recognize that men are likewise insecure about how they hold up to these same oppressive standards. The masochistic upshot of watching pornography for men is that it features men with gargantuan appendages, Herculean endurance, and the kind of cocky arrogance that, in real life, would result in a slap in the face, not a spank on the fanny.
Both sexes enjoy fantasies that center on domination and submission, as the giving over to sexual release is inherently predicated and fueled by the intoxicating principle of wielding control and letting go. (What other realm but sex offers such an enticingly open yet private playing ground?) Men are allegedly more likely to fantasize about being aggressors than women, but in my experience, all men have a secret desire to be dominated, and this is one of the keys to understanding and enhancing male pleasure. I’m not necessarily talking about incorporating cuffs and paddles into having sex, but simply allowing a man to experience the act of physical surrender, the alleviation of the pressure to perform, and the license to enjoy sensual and sexual release.
Of course, this letting go is anathema to the socialization of the Western male, who is raised never to lose control and never to show weakness, especially to a woman. I am convinced that if men were more honest with themselves and their partners about what they truly wanted, the desire to
The male propensity to objectify body parts stands in marked contrast to women. While certainly appreciative of the male form, most women fantasize about sex within a more emotional, passionate context.
In one study of 300 college students, 41 percent of the women but only 16 percent of the men said their fantasies focused on the “personal or emotional characteristics of the partner.” Nonetheless, interpolate the economics and socialization aspects—such as the fact that until the advent of Internet pornography, women were far less likely to have easy access to porn and that most pornography is aesthetically geared toward men—and the gap between the numbers contracts. Luckily for women, they have, until recently, been a largely undertargeted market segment for pornography consumption and have thus developed a healthy aversion to the fast-food aspect of cookie-cutter pornography.
Other salient differences in male and female fantasies are that men are purportedly more likely to imagine themselves taking an aggressive or active role, whereas women often envision something being done to them. But, then again, this behavior has been codified as normative and causes the least amount of guilt and resistance. It is also a familiar semiotic shortcut that works.
Male fantasies often involve sex with two or more partners at one time. That said, I’ve observed that while many men fantasize about having a threesome with their partner, the additional partner they’re hoping for is not always a woman! And what is important to understand about the prevalence of male fantasies about lesbianism and orgies is that it alleviates the pressure to perform. The male spectator can envision being a welcomed, coveted participant from the safety of the sidelines, while he is free to let the images wash over him, free from physical compunction. Thus, it takes on a dreamlike quality as described earlier, in that it allows the male spectator to enjoy the visuals without forging an identification with a male protagonist required to perform.
Men also fantasize about being sexually irresistible. They fantasize about their seductive power and ability to overwhelm a reluctant woman through the power of their sexual magnetism. While women are generally the recipients of the male gaze, men, like women, are turned on by being looked at, admired, and desired. Women are often so sadly preoccupied with how they measure up to mainstream standards of feminine beauty and sexual appeal that they fail to recognize that men are likewise insecure about how they hold up to these same oppressive standards. The masochistic upshot of watching pornography for men is that it features men with gargantuan appendages, Herculean endurance, and the kind of cocky arrogance that, in real life, would result in a slap in the face, not a spank on the fanny.
Both sexes enjoy fantasies that center on domination and submission, as the giving over to sexual release is inherently predicated and fueled by the intoxicating principle of wielding control and letting go. (What other realm but sex offers such an enticingly open yet private playing ground?) Men are allegedly more likely to fantasize about being aggressors than women, but in my experience, all men have a secret desire to be dominated, and this is one of the keys to understanding and enhancing male pleasure. I’m not necessarily talking about incorporating cuffs and paddles into having sex, but simply allowing a man to experience the act of physical surrender, the alleviation of the pressure to perform, and the license to enjoy sensual and sexual release.
Of course, this letting go is anathema to the socialization of the Western male, who is raised never to lose control and never to show weakness, especially to a woman. I am convinced that if men were more honest with themselves and their partners about what they truly wanted, the desire to
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