CHAPTER 1
The Fourth of July
I stared across the sand at Gemma Tucker as a firework exploded over her head, sending a shower of sparks across the sky. She was still blinking fast, clearly trying to deal with the bombshell Iâd just dropped on her. Before I could turn to go, she started talking, all about how sheâd just lied to try and show me she was a good person, that sheâd been trying to make things right with me, blah blah blah. I crossed my arms, barely listening to what she was saying. She was doing what she always did. Ever since we were kids, Gemma wanted everything her way. She wanted to be able to do whatever she wanted and wreck whatever she wanted and then still have everyone love her. And life just didnât work that way. I shook my head, not wanting to listen to anything else.
âYou thought I was just going to forgive you?â I asked, and I could hear the disbelief dripping from my voice. âDid you really think it would be that easy?â I tried to scoff, but it was like all the anger I had, the anger Iâd been holding on to for five years, was starting to rush out, and it was making my voice shake. âYou ruined my life. You almost wrecked my family. Did you think I was going to let you get away with it?â I was speaking faster and faster now, not even planning my words carefully like Iâd been doing all summer around her. It was like everything I wanted to say was threatening to spill out of me. âYou think I didnât see through you the minute you stepped off that train?â
I was about to go onâI had years worth of things to say to Gemmaâbut I stopped myself, just in time. I made myself look away from her and take deep breaths. Iâd come too far to lose it at the last minute.
I turned back to Gemma, who looked as shaken by my outburst as I felt. âGo home, Gemma,â I said. I wanted nothing more than to have her out of my sightâout of my lifeâforever. âGo on home to Connecticut. This is over. I won.â I let the words hang between usâthe words Iâd been dreaming about saying to her, and seeing the expression on her face when I said themâfor five years. I let myself have the moment, then I turned away and walked up toward the house.
I didnât hurry, and I didnât look back once, even though I could feel Gemmaâs eyes on me, probably still trying to figure out how Iâd wrecked her perfect little life. Good , I thought fiercely as I crossed from the beach up to the deck. Good.
I stepped inside the mudroom but didnât turn the light on just yet. I knew Teddy was waiting inside, probably beginning to wonder where I was. I needed to join him, but for a second, I wanted to savor my victory.
It didnât feel quite how Iâd imagined it, though. I kept replaying the moment in my mind, telling myself that it was enough. That Iâd done what I needed to do.
I looked out to the beach again and saw that Gemma hadnât moved from where Iâd left her looking out at the water. For some reason, the sight of her standing so still made me shiver, even though it was a hot, muggy night.
I tried to tell myself that it was over. That it had all been worth it. But as I looked at Gemma, a new thought, uninvited, crept into my mind.
Maybe this wasnât over after all. Maybe Iâd just made things much, much worse.â¦
CHAPTER 2
Five Years Earlier
My mom unlocked the doorâfive locks in allâto our Brooklyn walk-up and stepped inside. I followed behind, keeping my eyes on her as she set bags and suitcases down and went around the tiny apartment, silently turning on lights (it didnât take long). Iâd never seen my mother quite like this, and I was worried. Ever since weâd packed up our Hamptons beach cottage that morning, sheâd said only a handful of words. And most of them had been driving-related, as she asked me for change for the toll and to
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