Gut Instinct by Linda Mather

personal transference that was inevitable when working with sexual issues.   She had then finished it off with some theory on transsexual and transgender issues.  It was selling well and she was very proud of herself.
    Most people believed that it must affect you r sex life doing a job like hers but it didn’t , she was able to switch off from the stories that she heard on a daily basis as soon as she shut the door of her upmarke t therapy room, each day.  
    S witched off she was tonight , it was Saturd ay night and that was her and Stephen’s night.  Now was the time to concentrate on her own sex life. 
    She liked Stephen but didn’t love him, she could never marry she’d known that since she was twenty o ne years old. It would mean that s he would have to share her secret and no way was she going to do that.  Not a cat in hells chance, she would carry that to her grave.
    Stephen was twenty years older than her, but that didn’t matter to Tanya. W hy people worried about age she never knew, it was about two people wanting to be together, that was what was important.   She’d always preferred older men, made up for the father she never had she supposed, but hey ho, that was something she would have to work out in her own therapy, if she ever got round to having any.
    Tanya was getting ready in her bedroom he would be round soon and she wanted to look good for him, she loved dressing up .  
    She could do any look really when she put her mind to it.  She could dress c lassy, professional, elegant , stylish , chic and even a tasteful tart if she was in the right mood. 
    She was just sipping back the dregs of her wine when the news came on the t ele v ision .  They had charged a guy with Jane Smith and Lizzie Benton’ s murder; she froze as she saw the killer’s picture come up on to the screen.
    “ Oh my God ” she exc laimed out loud, her thoughts rushing around like ants marching through her head.  How can that be?
    Ivan Springer, was a client of hers, had been for about two years now .  He was a pleasant enough guy, a transvestite who struggled to maintain a serious relati onship due to his clandestine life . 
    He could never manage to keep his need to dress as a woman hidden very long . H is yearning was far too frequent for it to be kept concealed .
    Ivan had originally engaged in therapy because this was affecting all of his relationships and wanted to be what he perceived to be ‘normal ’ , however more recently they had been discussing how it was getting more and more difficult for him to maintain a n erection unless he was dressed as a woman.
    He’d disclosed that he could manage it okay with one night stands, although he had found that on those occasions he had ejaculated too soon, but this didn’t bother him. T he problem arose so to speak if he became emotionally involved.
    Tanya had discussed with him how it may be more about attachment then his need to dress as a woman. 
    They had also gone on to process his relationship with hi s powerful and engulfing mother and the impact that this had on him now in his relationships with women.  Ivan was just beginning to come to an awareness of how his history impacted on his present and they were reaching a crucial part of his therapy where the unconscious was becoming more conscious and was likely to facilitate change.
    Tanya was dumbfounded.  He was such a nice man, a gentle person , not capable of harming a fly, let alone a double murder. 
    What should she say to Stephen?  Should she say anything she wondered?
    Then her heart did another triple ju mp!  He probably knew. He’d telephoned her earlier and arranged to pick her up sooner than they had initially planned. P erhaps this is why; perhaps he wanted to talk with her first. 
    He had sounded a little off she thought or was she just being paranoid?
    She poured herself another glass of wine and attempted to calm herself down, this is just wonky thinking, she thought, he might not know