ass?’
‘My name is Forrest Gump, an I don’t know nothin about this ass-whippin bidness, but if Lieutenant Dan say to do it, that’s good enough for me.’
Colonel North sort of size me up, an then gets a look on his face kinda like a lightbulb went off inside his head. He is all spit an polish from shoes to hat, an on his uniform he is wearin about a dozen rows of ribbons.
‘Gump? Say, you ain’t the Gump won a Congressional Medal of Honor over at Vietnam?’
‘That’s him,’ says Dan. An Wanda, who is still inside her box, give out a big ole grunt.
‘What the hell was that?’ Colonel North asts.
‘That’s Wanda,’ I say.
‘You fellers got a girl in that carton?’ says the colonel.
‘Wanda’s a pig,’ I say.
‘Yeah, I don’t doubt it, hangin out with a couple of slackers like you. How come you against the war?’
‘Cause it’s easier to be against somethin that don’t exist, you dummy,’ Dan answers.
Colonel North scratches his chin for a second, thennods. ‘Yeah, I can see your point about that, I guess. Say, listen, Gump, what’s a guy like you who has won the Congressional Medal of Honor doin here actin like a hobo, anyway?’
I started to tell him about the pig farm an all, but I figgered it might sound strange, so I just said, ‘I got in a bidness venture that went sour.’
‘Why, you oughta have stayed in the army,’ the colonel says. ‘I mean, here you are a big war hero. You gotta have
some
sense.’
An then the colonel, he gets this
real
odd look in his eyes, an squints off in the distance for a minute, toward the White House, an when he turns back, he says, ‘Look here, Gump, I might be able to use a guy like you. There is something I’m involved with in which your talents could be very useful. You got time to come over across the street an hear me out?’
I looked at Dan, but he just nodded, an so the colonel an me, that’s what we did.
Chapter Six
FIRST THING COLONEL North says to me when we out of earshot of Dan is ‘Your clothes are awful; we gotta get you cleaned up.’ An so he took me over to some army fort an tole them to fit me with a brand-new private’s uniform, an then he took me to where I could get a bath an to a barbershop for a haircut an a shave. When we was through, I was spic-an-span an feelin like I was back in the army or somethin – which was weird.
‘Well, Gump, that is an improvement if I do say so,’ the colonel says. ‘Now, look here, I want your ass spit-an-polish from now on in. If it’s necessary, I want you to even spit-shine your asshole – you got that?’
‘Right, Colonel,’ I say.
‘And now,’ he says, ‘I am gonna confer on you the title of “special assistant for covert operations.” But you ain’t to tell anybody anything about any of this – no matter what. Right?’
‘Right, Colonel,’ I says.
‘Listen, Gump,’ says Colonel North when we get inside the White House, ‘we are going to see the President of the United States, so I want you to be on your best behavior – you got that straight?’
‘I already seen him,’ I says.
‘When? On TV or something?’
‘Right here – about eight or ten years ago.’
‘Yeah, well, they got a new president now. You ain’t met this one yet – An he don’t hear too good, either, so you got to speak up if he says somethingto you. An for that matter,’ Colonel North adds, ‘he don’t
listen
too well, either.’
We gone on into the little round room where the President was, an sure enough, it was not neither of the ole presidents I had met, but a new one this time. He was a older kindly gentleman with little rosy cheeks an look like he might of been a cowboy at some point, or maybe a movie actor.
‘Well, Mr Gump, I am proud to make your acquaintance,’ the President says. ‘Colonel North, here, tells me you won the Congressional Medal of Honor.’
‘Yessir,’ I says.
‘And what did you do to get it?’
‘I runned.’
‘Beg your pardon?’
‘My name is Forrest Gump, an I don’t know nothin about this ass-whippin bidness, but if Lieutenant Dan say to do it, that’s good enough for me.’
Colonel North sort of size me up, an then gets a look on his face kinda like a lightbulb went off inside his head. He is all spit an polish from shoes to hat, an on his uniform he is wearin about a dozen rows of ribbons.
‘Gump? Say, you ain’t the Gump won a Congressional Medal of Honor over at Vietnam?’
‘That’s him,’ says Dan. An Wanda, who is still inside her box, give out a big ole grunt.
‘What the hell was that?’ Colonel North asts.
‘That’s Wanda,’ I say.
‘You fellers got a girl in that carton?’ says the colonel.
‘Wanda’s a pig,’ I say.
‘Yeah, I don’t doubt it, hangin out with a couple of slackers like you. How come you against the war?’
‘Cause it’s easier to be against somethin that don’t exist, you dummy,’ Dan answers.
Colonel North scratches his chin for a second, thennods. ‘Yeah, I can see your point about that, I guess. Say, listen, Gump, what’s a guy like you who has won the Congressional Medal of Honor doin here actin like a hobo, anyway?’
I started to tell him about the pig farm an all, but I figgered it might sound strange, so I just said, ‘I got in a bidness venture that went sour.’
‘Why, you oughta have stayed in the army,’ the colonel says. ‘I mean, here you are a big war hero. You gotta have
some
sense.’
An then the colonel, he gets this
real
odd look in his eyes, an squints off in the distance for a minute, toward the White House, an when he turns back, he says, ‘Look here, Gump, I might be able to use a guy like you. There is something I’m involved with in which your talents could be very useful. You got time to come over across the street an hear me out?’
I looked at Dan, but he just nodded, an so the colonel an me, that’s what we did.
Chapter Six
FIRST THING COLONEL North says to me when we out of earshot of Dan is ‘Your clothes are awful; we gotta get you cleaned up.’ An so he took me over to some army fort an tole them to fit me with a brand-new private’s uniform, an then he took me to where I could get a bath an to a barbershop for a haircut an a shave. When we was through, I was spic-an-span an feelin like I was back in the army or somethin – which was weird.
‘Well, Gump, that is an improvement if I do say so,’ the colonel says. ‘Now, look here, I want your ass spit-an-polish from now on in. If it’s necessary, I want you to even spit-shine your asshole – you got that?’
‘Right, Colonel,’ I say.
‘And now,’ he says, ‘I am gonna confer on you the title of “special assistant for covert operations.” But you ain’t to tell anybody anything about any of this – no matter what. Right?’
‘Right, Colonel,’ I says.
‘Listen, Gump,’ says Colonel North when we get inside the White House, ‘we are going to see the President of the United States, so I want you to be on your best behavior – you got that straight?’
‘I already seen him,’ I says.
‘When? On TV or something?’
‘Right here – about eight or ten years ago.’
‘Yeah, well, they got a new president now. You ain’t met this one yet – An he don’t hear too good, either, so you got to speak up if he says somethingto you. An for that matter,’ Colonel North adds, ‘he don’t
listen
too well, either.’
We gone on into the little round room where the President was, an sure enough, it was not neither of the ole presidents I had met, but a new one this time. He was a older kindly gentleman with little rosy cheeks an look like he might of been a cowboy at some point, or maybe a movie actor.
‘Well, Mr Gump, I am proud to make your acquaintance,’ the President says. ‘Colonel North, here, tells me you won the Congressional Medal of Honor.’
‘Yessir,’ I says.
‘And what did you do to get it?’
‘I runned.’
‘Beg your pardon?’
Similar Books
