I know that's not what
Miss Hatwick means. She doesn't want to know what we are afraid of. She wants
us to dig deeper than that. I hear the faint slap of boots against tile. THUD,
THUD, THUD, my hearts starts racing. I don’t have to look up to know who it is,
but I can’t help it, my eyes betray me and find him. Jase is standing a few
rows away from me. He’s looking over the rows of people for an open seat. In
this class there's plenty. They are also right smack in-between all the college
magazine writers. Gossip, sport, social. They are all there, sitting in a neat
row. It’s the gossip writers I can’t stand. Annoying damn things that I could
easily tolerate, if they only wrote half of the truth instead of all the
lies.
Jase looks up at me, and I lift my bag off the empty seat
next to me and drop it onto the floor with an audible thud. Jenna gasps next to
me, and I look over to her. Her eyes are wide in disbelief. I understand her
reaction completely. I'm not even sure why I just did it. No one has ever sat
next to me. Even though I never told anybody why this chair is always open,
everybody knows it’s because of Kyle. A stupid notion of a deranged chick,
trying to keep a piece of her dead twin alive. If anybody dared sitting in it,
I’d probably bite their arm off. Or that’s what the rumors say. Sometimes
rumors work in my favor. Jase stops in front of me and smiles that wicked smile
at me again. A shiver runs through my body causing goosebumps to rise on my
skin.
“Thanks,” he says before sitting down.
I don’t say anything; I just stare at my writing pad.
Sanity speaks loud and clear in my head, and I write the words down as I hear
them:
Sanity
Piercing eyes that look so deep,
Searching that place where all your secrets weep.
Layer by layer, you let your defenses fall,
In his silence you will bare your all.
Should you let him? Should you run?
Your heart made the decision.
It is already done.
Dark
With looks to make your brain fumble,
In his hand, your heart will crumble.
Heed the warning clear in your head.
Love and loss, build regret.
Walk away or pain will follow.
This won't do,
Happiness wasn't meant for you…
I'm lost in a jumble of words. A heavy cloud settles over
me. Dark is right, always the voice of reality. If I fall for this guy, I will
mess it up. I always lose whatever I care for. I also know that if Dark wins
this battle I will be sporting a brand new crimson scar on my wrist. I pull my
hoodie sleeve over the fingers holding my pen, suddenly fearful of my weakness
being exposed.
Sanity
You let fear dictate your course
It will take away your life by force.
You will never know if you don't let go.
What's there to lose?
You've already tied the noose.
In my mind, Sanity is standing proud holding a shiny
golden trophy, and Dark is sitting on the third place podium popping a sulk. I
giggle and scribble DS on the bottom of the page before folding it and placing
it in my bag. It’s just a bunch of crappy words thrown together right now, but
with a bit of mind washing and creative tumble drying it’ll make a fine canvas.
I look up at the clock on the wall. Only ten minutes left of class. I tap my pen
to the top of the new page, thinking of the correct words to use for my
assignment. It doesn’t take long for the words to hit me.
FEAR
MIA ANDREWS
You are not alive. Your heart beats because that is what
your brain tells it to do.
Your lungs expand because that is what is required to
continue existing.
You are not in control. Terror.
I grab my bag and get up. Jase drops his page on the
professor’s desk a few feet ahead of me. I slow down and wait for him to leave
the class before going up to the desk.
He wrote down one sentence only:
Fear means not knowing what you are capable of.
What does that mean? I ponder that thought all over the
school grounds looking for Tom. I find him at the big
Miss Hatwick means. She doesn't want to know what we are afraid of. She wants
us to dig deeper than that. I hear the faint slap of boots against tile. THUD,
THUD, THUD, my hearts starts racing. I don’t have to look up to know who it is,
but I can’t help it, my eyes betray me and find him. Jase is standing a few
rows away from me. He’s looking over the rows of people for an open seat. In
this class there's plenty. They are also right smack in-between all the college
magazine writers. Gossip, sport, social. They are all there, sitting in a neat
row. It’s the gossip writers I can’t stand. Annoying damn things that I could
easily tolerate, if they only wrote half of the truth instead of all the
lies.
Jase looks up at me, and I lift my bag off the empty seat
next to me and drop it onto the floor with an audible thud. Jenna gasps next to
me, and I look over to her. Her eyes are wide in disbelief. I understand her
reaction completely. I'm not even sure why I just did it. No one has ever sat
next to me. Even though I never told anybody why this chair is always open,
everybody knows it’s because of Kyle. A stupid notion of a deranged chick,
trying to keep a piece of her dead twin alive. If anybody dared sitting in it,
I’d probably bite their arm off. Or that’s what the rumors say. Sometimes
rumors work in my favor. Jase stops in front of me and smiles that wicked smile
at me again. A shiver runs through my body causing goosebumps to rise on my
skin.
“Thanks,” he says before sitting down.
I don’t say anything; I just stare at my writing pad.
Sanity speaks loud and clear in my head, and I write the words down as I hear
them:
Sanity
Piercing eyes that look so deep,
Searching that place where all your secrets weep.
Layer by layer, you let your defenses fall,
In his silence you will bare your all.
Should you let him? Should you run?
Your heart made the decision.
It is already done.
Dark
With looks to make your brain fumble,
In his hand, your heart will crumble.
Heed the warning clear in your head.
Love and loss, build regret.
Walk away or pain will follow.
This won't do,
Happiness wasn't meant for you…
I'm lost in a jumble of words. A heavy cloud settles over
me. Dark is right, always the voice of reality. If I fall for this guy, I will
mess it up. I always lose whatever I care for. I also know that if Dark wins
this battle I will be sporting a brand new crimson scar on my wrist. I pull my
hoodie sleeve over the fingers holding my pen, suddenly fearful of my weakness
being exposed.
Sanity
You let fear dictate your course
It will take away your life by force.
You will never know if you don't let go.
What's there to lose?
You've already tied the noose.
In my mind, Sanity is standing proud holding a shiny
golden trophy, and Dark is sitting on the third place podium popping a sulk. I
giggle and scribble DS on the bottom of the page before folding it and placing
it in my bag. It’s just a bunch of crappy words thrown together right now, but
with a bit of mind washing and creative tumble drying it’ll make a fine canvas.
I look up at the clock on the wall. Only ten minutes left of class. I tap my pen
to the top of the new page, thinking of the correct words to use for my
assignment. It doesn’t take long for the words to hit me.
FEAR
MIA ANDREWS
You are not alive. Your heart beats because that is what
your brain tells it to do.
Your lungs expand because that is what is required to
continue existing.
You are not in control. Terror.
I grab my bag and get up. Jase drops his page on the
professor’s desk a few feet ahead of me. I slow down and wait for him to leave
the class before going up to the desk.
He wrote down one sentence only:
Fear means not knowing what you are capable of.
What does that mean? I ponder that thought all over the
school grounds looking for Tom. I find him at the big
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