warm and cosy in Jackie Norman’s red velour dressing gown, her clothes were tumbling dry, and we were both sipping hot choc and trying to get back into Wuthering Heights .
‘I tried to read Wuthering Heights once,’ said Chloe, ‘but there were too many people called Cathy in it.’ I was relieved she was talking about something else apart from what a two-timing heart-breaking cad Beast was. Then there was a knock at the window and a shout outside – a masculine voice this time.
‘Oi!’ it said. ‘Open up!’
‘Who the hell’s that?’ I muttered, getting up and going to the window. I peeped through the curtains. Oh no!
‘It’s Beast and Donut!’ I gasped. ‘And another bloke who looks like a weasel!’
‘Don’t let them in!’ screeched Chloe, cowering feebly inside her dressing gown. I made Go Away gestures, but the guys just kept on yelling.
‘Open the door! The doorbell’s bust!’
‘I’ll just go and tell them to clear off,’ I said. ‘You stay here!’
I opened the front door, but unfortunately the Normans didn’t have a chain, so Beast, Donut and the weaselly person just kind of bundled in past me.
‘Stop!’ I yelled. ‘Nobody said you could come in!’
‘Where’s Chloe?’ demanded Beast, looking round. ‘Chloe!’ he bawled at the top of his voice.
‘Shhhh!’ I hissed. ‘You’ll wake the twins! – Chloe’s not here – oh!’
Chloe had appeared in the sitting room doorway. She looked absolutely furious.
‘You’ve got a nerve!’ she shouted. Just occasionally, when she’s totally fired up, Chloe can yell for England. ‘Asking me to the party when you’d already asked somebody else! How humiliating was that! Can you imagine – can you imagine how I felt when that girl started wrestling with me, for God’s sake? In front of the entire sixth form? What the hell were you playing at? It was a nightmare! I never want to see you or speak to you again!’
‘Sssssh!’ I whispered. ‘The twins!’
‘You look fabulous in that dressing gown, babe,’ said Beast, grinning evilly at Chloe. ‘Red is definitely your colour! And you’re so beautiful when you’re angry!’ The two other guys laughed. I turned on them.
‘What,’ I demanded, ‘are you two doing here anyway? This is nothing to do with you! And how did you find your way here?’ I felt indignant about so many things, I didn’t know where to begin.
‘He rang Chloe’s mum,’ said Donut, ‘and she gave us your phone number, and your dad said you were babysitting here.’
‘Listen, babe,’ said Beast, cocking his head on one side and approaching Chloe, ‘I know you’re mad at me. That girl is insane, though. She’s obsessed. She means nothing to me. She’s just my kind of – uh, stalker.’ The other guys laughed. Chloe backed off towards the kitchen.
‘I don’t care!’ she yelled. ‘I DO NOT CARE! Go away! Do you understand English? GO AWAY!’ She was starting to shake again.
Suddenly, disastrously, there was a wakeful wail from upstairs. Then the other one joined in. My blood ran cold. This was more terrifying than Wuthering Heights . More terrifying than the relentless cold-bloodedness of the Beast seduction technique. The twins had woken up!
‘Waaaaaaaaaagh!’ came one cry.
‘Waaaaaaaaaagh!’ came another.
Moments later they were standing at the top of the stairs, stark naked and whingeing for England in stereo.
‘God!’ said Beast. ‘Don’t point that thing at me!’ But it was too late.
‘Wanna wee-wee!’ wailed one twin, and disastrously, started to pee right there and then, in a horrid golden arc, right down the stairs and on to the guests and the very expensive carpet.
‘Stop!’ I yelled. ‘Jack! Ben! Go to the bathroom!’
Foolishly, I blundered forward and tried to rush upstairs without getting peed on. Mission impossible. Before I was halfway up the other twin had started to pee too. They were like dogs marking out territory. And I was the territory.
The
‘I tried to read Wuthering Heights once,’ said Chloe, ‘but there were too many people called Cathy in it.’ I was relieved she was talking about something else apart from what a two-timing heart-breaking cad Beast was. Then there was a knock at the window and a shout outside – a masculine voice this time.
‘Oi!’ it said. ‘Open up!’
‘Who the hell’s that?’ I muttered, getting up and going to the window. I peeped through the curtains. Oh no!
‘It’s Beast and Donut!’ I gasped. ‘And another bloke who looks like a weasel!’
‘Don’t let them in!’ screeched Chloe, cowering feebly inside her dressing gown. I made Go Away gestures, but the guys just kept on yelling.
‘Open the door! The doorbell’s bust!’
‘I’ll just go and tell them to clear off,’ I said. ‘You stay here!’
I opened the front door, but unfortunately the Normans didn’t have a chain, so Beast, Donut and the weaselly person just kind of bundled in past me.
‘Stop!’ I yelled. ‘Nobody said you could come in!’
‘Where’s Chloe?’ demanded Beast, looking round. ‘Chloe!’ he bawled at the top of his voice.
‘Shhhh!’ I hissed. ‘You’ll wake the twins! – Chloe’s not here – oh!’
Chloe had appeared in the sitting room doorway. She looked absolutely furious.
‘You’ve got a nerve!’ she shouted. Just occasionally, when she’s totally fired up, Chloe can yell for England. ‘Asking me to the party when you’d already asked somebody else! How humiliating was that! Can you imagine – can you imagine how I felt when that girl started wrestling with me, for God’s sake? In front of the entire sixth form? What the hell were you playing at? It was a nightmare! I never want to see you or speak to you again!’
‘Sssssh!’ I whispered. ‘The twins!’
‘You look fabulous in that dressing gown, babe,’ said Beast, grinning evilly at Chloe. ‘Red is definitely your colour! And you’re so beautiful when you’re angry!’ The two other guys laughed. I turned on them.
‘What,’ I demanded, ‘are you two doing here anyway? This is nothing to do with you! And how did you find your way here?’ I felt indignant about so many things, I didn’t know where to begin.
‘He rang Chloe’s mum,’ said Donut, ‘and she gave us your phone number, and your dad said you were babysitting here.’
‘Listen, babe,’ said Beast, cocking his head on one side and approaching Chloe, ‘I know you’re mad at me. That girl is insane, though. She’s obsessed. She means nothing to me. She’s just my kind of – uh, stalker.’ The other guys laughed. Chloe backed off towards the kitchen.
‘I don’t care!’ she yelled. ‘I DO NOT CARE! Go away! Do you understand English? GO AWAY!’ She was starting to shake again.
Suddenly, disastrously, there was a wakeful wail from upstairs. Then the other one joined in. My blood ran cold. This was more terrifying than Wuthering Heights . More terrifying than the relentless cold-bloodedness of the Beast seduction technique. The twins had woken up!
‘Waaaaaaaaaagh!’ came one cry.
‘Waaaaaaaaaagh!’ came another.
Moments later they were standing at the top of the stairs, stark naked and whingeing for England in stereo.
‘God!’ said Beast. ‘Don’t point that thing at me!’ But it was too late.
‘Wanna wee-wee!’ wailed one twin, and disastrously, started to pee right there and then, in a horrid golden arc, right down the stairs and on to the guests and the very expensive carpet.
‘Stop!’ I yelled. ‘Jack! Ben! Go to the bathroom!’
Foolishly, I blundered forward and tried to rush upstairs without getting peed on. Mission impossible. Before I was halfway up the other twin had started to pee too. They were like dogs marking out territory. And I was the territory.
The
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