stared out the window. His shoulders sagged.
Carrie whispered, “You loved her?”
Rainsley shrugged. “I’m happily married, Carrie. But Brianna and I both cared for her.”
“Enough that you risked your career for her.”
He kept his back to her and waved a hand in the air dismissively. “I’m a Marine. This Senate stuff is all bullshit. It’s like retirement, but more interesting than golf. Brianna wasn’t happy, but she agreed it was necessary.”
Carrie sighed. Then she whispered, “I’m glad she had someone to love her.”
He turned toward her. “She had somebody,” he said. “I just don’t know who it was.”
“Who does?” Carrie asked.
“Her priest maybe? Or God. I wish I knew.”
Adelina. May 2. 9:15 am Pacific
Jessica bit into her third burrito as Adelina carefully took another bite of her first. “How come we never drove up here before?” she asked. “It’s beautiful.”
She was right. They’d just passed over a river in coastal Oregon, and to their right was the exit for Rocky Point County Park. All morning, they’d been driving slowly up U.S. 101 along the coast. There were occasional flashes of ocean as the highway twisted and turned¸ following the Pacific Coast. Adelina had been following the gas station map she’d picked up somewhere north of Oakland—their cell phones were somewhere in the bottom of San Francisco Bay. That Jessica hadn’t really noticed or objected to losing her phone was a sign of how profoundly depressed she was.
The heavy rain that fell overnight had passed, leaving the sky cloudless and blue.
Adelina sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“You’ve said that about every question I’ve asked you this morning.”
Adelina sighed. “Can I be honest with you, Jessica?”
Her daughter blinked. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re eighteen years old now. I’ve been keeping secrets since long before you were born. But this one—I’m afraid if I start to tell you, you’ll panic on me. I’m afraid if I tell you too much, you’ll go right back to the drugs.”
Jessica flinched. She curled up a little in her seat, drawing her legs close to her, and she whispered, “I guess I deserved that.”
“The only thing you deserved is love, Jessica. You deserved … parents who weren’t crazy.” She shook her head, trying to shake off the regret clouding her vision. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that.”
Jessica shrugged and took another huge bite. Adelina had never seen anyone eat so much in her entire life. She hoped she had enough money to keep feeding her daughter. The cash she grabbed from the bank had to last indefinitely, but they were going through it far faster than she’d imagined.
Finally Jessica swallowed and said, “Tell me. Please. I don’t care how bad it hurts. It won’t hurt as bad as a lie.”
Adelina sucked in a breath, trying to hold back a mix of grief and a sad, knee-jerk anger. The accusation was true enough. She had lied. She’d lied to her daughters, and she’d lied to herself.
“I need you to hear me, Jessica. I know you think it won’t hurt as bad, but if I tell you the whole story, you’re going to feel like someone died.”
She looked to her right, meeting her daughter’s eyes for just a moment. Jessica nodded, and Adelina looked back to the road.
“Well, then. The first thing you need to understand is that everything you know about your father, and how we met, is a lie, mixed with truth, and mixed with more lies.”
“I don’t understand.”
Adelina sighed with relief when she saw a sign for a scenic overlook. She needed to stop and tell this story when she wasn’t driving. She swallowed, took the exit, and two minutes later pulled to a stop in a parking lot overlooking the ocean. Below them, at the bottom of a long steep hill, was the ocean, spreading out before them.
“I was sixteen when I met your father, not eighteen.”
“Oh…” Jessica said.
Adelina wished she could think of a
Carrie whispered, “You loved her?”
Rainsley shrugged. “I’m happily married, Carrie. But Brianna and I both cared for her.”
“Enough that you risked your career for her.”
He kept his back to her and waved a hand in the air dismissively. “I’m a Marine. This Senate stuff is all bullshit. It’s like retirement, but more interesting than golf. Brianna wasn’t happy, but she agreed it was necessary.”
Carrie sighed. Then she whispered, “I’m glad she had someone to love her.”
He turned toward her. “She had somebody,” he said. “I just don’t know who it was.”
“Who does?” Carrie asked.
“Her priest maybe? Or God. I wish I knew.”
Adelina. May 2. 9:15 am Pacific
Jessica bit into her third burrito as Adelina carefully took another bite of her first. “How come we never drove up here before?” she asked. “It’s beautiful.”
She was right. They’d just passed over a river in coastal Oregon, and to their right was the exit for Rocky Point County Park. All morning, they’d been driving slowly up U.S. 101 along the coast. There were occasional flashes of ocean as the highway twisted and turned¸ following the Pacific Coast. Adelina had been following the gas station map she’d picked up somewhere north of Oakland—their cell phones were somewhere in the bottom of San Francisco Bay. That Jessica hadn’t really noticed or objected to losing her phone was a sign of how profoundly depressed she was.
The heavy rain that fell overnight had passed, leaving the sky cloudless and blue.
Adelina sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“You’ve said that about every question I’ve asked you this morning.”
Adelina sighed. “Can I be honest with you, Jessica?”
Her daughter blinked. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re eighteen years old now. I’ve been keeping secrets since long before you were born. But this one—I’m afraid if I start to tell you, you’ll panic on me. I’m afraid if I tell you too much, you’ll go right back to the drugs.”
Jessica flinched. She curled up a little in her seat, drawing her legs close to her, and she whispered, “I guess I deserved that.”
“The only thing you deserved is love, Jessica. You deserved … parents who weren’t crazy.” She shook her head, trying to shake off the regret clouding her vision. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that.”
Jessica shrugged and took another huge bite. Adelina had never seen anyone eat so much in her entire life. She hoped she had enough money to keep feeding her daughter. The cash she grabbed from the bank had to last indefinitely, but they were going through it far faster than she’d imagined.
Finally Jessica swallowed and said, “Tell me. Please. I don’t care how bad it hurts. It won’t hurt as bad as a lie.”
Adelina sucked in a breath, trying to hold back a mix of grief and a sad, knee-jerk anger. The accusation was true enough. She had lied. She’d lied to her daughters, and she’d lied to herself.
“I need you to hear me, Jessica. I know you think it won’t hurt as bad, but if I tell you the whole story, you’re going to feel like someone died.”
She looked to her right, meeting her daughter’s eyes for just a moment. Jessica nodded, and Adelina looked back to the road.
“Well, then. The first thing you need to understand is that everything you know about your father, and how we met, is a lie, mixed with truth, and mixed with more lies.”
“I don’t understand.”
Adelina sighed with relief when she saw a sign for a scenic overlook. She needed to stop and tell this story when she wasn’t driving. She swallowed, took the exit, and two minutes later pulled to a stop in a parking lot overlooking the ocean. Below them, at the bottom of a long steep hill, was the ocean, spreading out before them.
“I was sixteen when I met your father, not eighteen.”
“Oh…” Jessica said.
Adelina wished she could think of a
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