process it as vibration and heat shattered the night around us. A pair of birds abandoned the tree above us as I hit my knees, swaying. I realized the sound was coming from my own throat when I found myself on the ground, cradled against the curve of Ethan’s neck. “Shh, it’s ok,” he whispered desperately, his eyes huge and sad. “Shh, Caspia,” he murmured, as if to an infant. My face was wet and my throat was raw, but as he half-held, half-pinned me, the awful shrill screaming subsided into quiet normal sobbing. “I’m so sorry,” he said, pressing his forehead against mine. I think he’d been trying to stroke my hair, but his fingers had gotten all tangled in it instead. I could feel him trembling. I silently willed him to hold me harder, and told him the thing I kept locked deep inside.
“My brother is going to die,” I said out loud at last. “And then I’ll be alone.”
“I know,” he answered. His hands cupped my face. They still trembled.
I thought I might feel better, admitting it to another person, but I didn’t. I just felt hollow. “Ethan, why are you here? The real reason why.” He loomed over me, a shadowy outline against swaying branches and the occasional glimpse of stars. “I can handle anything but lies, no matter how outrageous,” I promised, and hoped I meant it.
“Because I’m not human, and your brother is dying.” I could see it pained him to admit this. Just hearing my deepest fear verified out loud hurt, eclipsing his pronouncement of inhumanity. I suppose I had known that, too. “At first, I came for him, to guard his soul until his passing. But there were… complications. I found the both of you hunted by darkness. And then…” he looked up at the stars. “I saw a girl with liquid silver eyes, and everything changed.” He watched me intently, as if memorizing me. He brushed my cheek, traced my lower lip. He looked both fascinated and angry. “You. You changed everything, and now I have no words for this… this feeling boiling inside me, and no way to answer the expectations I see every minute in your eyes.” He gestured to the space between us as if it disgusted him. As if it was impenetrable.
“Oh.” It was all I could think of to say. My fingers fluttered towards him as if they, too, would trace his lips, his face, but it struck me how ridiculously fragile, how mismatched we were as I watched my hand tremble with nothing stronger than cold and nerves. I snatched my hand back. I made it into a fist instead and ground it against my heart. “ This feeling?” I asked after a long moment during which I sifted through the things he’d said. Not human. Hunted by darkness. Everything changed. I decided they might make more sense if I tried to bridge the gap between us. My fingers crept up around the curve of his neck, resting against the taut hollow where his shoulder bent towards me. He shivered, his shoulders a knot of bunched nerves and muscles. I slid my fingers up through his hair and pulled his head down towards mine, touching my lips to his.
I’d expected hesitance, perhaps even resistance. But my whole world narrowed into the feeling of his mouth just barely touching mine, warm and rough. It was just barely enough, like getting a sprinkler instead of a pool on a really hot summer day and it left me aching and arching up against him. His body was warm all around me and he was kissing me, a slow and wondering exploration, his arms an arc around us. I slid my cheek against his, registering hot dim abrasion of skin. Blood throbbed in my head and heart. I hooked one of my legs across the back of his knees and tried to pull him closer only to have him whisper, “Shh. The weight of me. Too much.” He was under me in one fluid movement, his blue-green eyes wide and luminous and startled, and I had time to think yes this before his fingers locked themselves around my waist and pulled me flat on top of him.
We lay locked together like that until I thought my
“My brother is going to die,” I said out loud at last. “And then I’ll be alone.”
“I know,” he answered. His hands cupped my face. They still trembled.
I thought I might feel better, admitting it to another person, but I didn’t. I just felt hollow. “Ethan, why are you here? The real reason why.” He loomed over me, a shadowy outline against swaying branches and the occasional glimpse of stars. “I can handle anything but lies, no matter how outrageous,” I promised, and hoped I meant it.
“Because I’m not human, and your brother is dying.” I could see it pained him to admit this. Just hearing my deepest fear verified out loud hurt, eclipsing his pronouncement of inhumanity. I suppose I had known that, too. “At first, I came for him, to guard his soul until his passing. But there were… complications. I found the both of you hunted by darkness. And then…” he looked up at the stars. “I saw a girl with liquid silver eyes, and everything changed.” He watched me intently, as if memorizing me. He brushed my cheek, traced my lower lip. He looked both fascinated and angry. “You. You changed everything, and now I have no words for this… this feeling boiling inside me, and no way to answer the expectations I see every minute in your eyes.” He gestured to the space between us as if it disgusted him. As if it was impenetrable.
“Oh.” It was all I could think of to say. My fingers fluttered towards him as if they, too, would trace his lips, his face, but it struck me how ridiculously fragile, how mismatched we were as I watched my hand tremble with nothing stronger than cold and nerves. I snatched my hand back. I made it into a fist instead and ground it against my heart. “ This feeling?” I asked after a long moment during which I sifted through the things he’d said. Not human. Hunted by darkness. Everything changed. I decided they might make more sense if I tried to bridge the gap between us. My fingers crept up around the curve of his neck, resting against the taut hollow where his shoulder bent towards me. He shivered, his shoulders a knot of bunched nerves and muscles. I slid my fingers up through his hair and pulled his head down towards mine, touching my lips to his.
I’d expected hesitance, perhaps even resistance. But my whole world narrowed into the feeling of his mouth just barely touching mine, warm and rough. It was just barely enough, like getting a sprinkler instead of a pool on a really hot summer day and it left me aching and arching up against him. His body was warm all around me and he was kissing me, a slow and wondering exploration, his arms an arc around us. I slid my cheek against his, registering hot dim abrasion of skin. Blood throbbed in my head and heart. I hooked one of my legs across the back of his knees and tried to pull him closer only to have him whisper, “Shh. The weight of me. Too much.” He was under me in one fluid movement, his blue-green eyes wide and luminous and startled, and I had time to think yes this before his fingers locked themselves around my waist and pulled me flat on top of him.
We lay locked together like that until I thought my
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