it cracked on the steering wheel. Maybe breaking a bone, maybe not. Not my problem.
With my other hand, I grabbed a fistful of his greasy hair and banged his forehead off the edge of the roof. When his mouth opened in pain, I plucked the remainder of Parker’s burger and shoved it in his mouth.
As he fell backward, grunting and choking, I said, “Don’t forget to tip the waitress.”
I started up the Mustang and headed back toward the school.
“ That was...” Parker said, having trouble forming a sentence. “That was....”
“ That’s one way I solve problems,” I said. “Are you down with that?”
I wanted her to know that some messes couldn’t be cleaned up with a whisk broom and dustpan. Sometimes you needed a hammer. Sometimes you had to bring out the big guns.
“Are you...going to do that to my dad?”
“ Whatever it takes,” I said. “If that’s what you want.”
She sighed. “Whatever it takes.”
As I drove, I reached with my left hand to the edge of the roof, feeling the wet splotches there. “Do you live with him?”
“ When he’s up from Berkeley, yes. But he spends most of his time at Cloudland. He comes home and visits his family once in a while.”
“ Who else is in the family?”
“ My younger sister Lilith and my mom.”
“ Do they...know?”
“ Mom’s like the robo-wife, on the library board and bridge club and whatever club it is where you drink a quart of vodka a day. Lilith is just a sweet, innocent kid. But I’m worried that Dad has designs on her.”
“ Designs?”
“ Looking at her funny. Thinking. Like maybe she’s about old enough to get in on the action.”
I pulled my fingers inside the window and pretended I was wiping my mouth. The blood was bitter and tainted, but intoxicating nonetheless. “Have you ever visited Cloudland?”
“A couple of times. I really don’t like it because all the girls go out of their way to kiss my ass so that they get on his good side. Plus they’re all spaced out on peace and love and that type of crap. Plus whatever he’s putting in the punch bowl. It’s just wrong.”
“ Would he be opposed to you bringing your boyfriend down to meet him?”
“ At Cloudland?”
“ Yeah.”
“ It would probably throw him off, but I’m pretty sure he’d be okay with it. Especially if we just popped in.”
“ All right.” I said. “Are you up for it?”
“ You’re serious?”
“ As a corpse.” I pulled into the school parking lot, feeling a slight rush from more than just the blood. When I feed, I take on some of the victim. It’s one of the unfortunate side effects of my lifestyle, and in this case, the victim had definitely been on speed.
“ But I didn’t do this to date you,” she said, running her eyes over me as if maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
“ I’m not saying we’ll be dating for real. But we will need to pull it off around your family a couple of times before we go out and meet Dad. Your dad will be less suspicious of me if he thinks I’m just a goofy eighteen-year-old trying to get into his daughter’s pants.”
“ You’re not a goofy eighteen-year-old? And you don’t want in my pants?”
“ Oh, I’m goofy. Let’s just leave it at that.”
She was looking at me curiously as I took out a piece of paper from my glove compartment and wrote my number down for her. I was used to people looking at me curiously, but it always made me nervous—like I was an insect they wanted to swat with a newspaper, or maybe a snake to trap behind glass. I gave her my cell number and she looked at it, and then promptly snorted with laughter.
“Why does it say ‘Wal-Mart’ above it?”
“ Because it’s better—and safer—than writing ‘Spider for Hire.’”
She snorted again. “But Wal-Mart? That’s so lame.”
“Not any lamer than being named Parker.”
“ Jerk,” she said and slapped my arm.
“ Well, if we’re dating, I’d better drive you home, so your dad can look out
With my other hand, I grabbed a fistful of his greasy hair and banged his forehead off the edge of the roof. When his mouth opened in pain, I plucked the remainder of Parker’s burger and shoved it in his mouth.
As he fell backward, grunting and choking, I said, “Don’t forget to tip the waitress.”
I started up the Mustang and headed back toward the school.
“ That was...” Parker said, having trouble forming a sentence. “That was....”
“ That’s one way I solve problems,” I said. “Are you down with that?”
I wanted her to know that some messes couldn’t be cleaned up with a whisk broom and dustpan. Sometimes you needed a hammer. Sometimes you had to bring out the big guns.
“Are you...going to do that to my dad?”
“ Whatever it takes,” I said. “If that’s what you want.”
She sighed. “Whatever it takes.”
As I drove, I reached with my left hand to the edge of the roof, feeling the wet splotches there. “Do you live with him?”
“ When he’s up from Berkeley, yes. But he spends most of his time at Cloudland. He comes home and visits his family once in a while.”
“ Who else is in the family?”
“ My younger sister Lilith and my mom.”
“ Do they...know?”
“ Mom’s like the robo-wife, on the library board and bridge club and whatever club it is where you drink a quart of vodka a day. Lilith is just a sweet, innocent kid. But I’m worried that Dad has designs on her.”
“ Designs?”
“ Looking at her funny. Thinking. Like maybe she’s about old enough to get in on the action.”
I pulled my fingers inside the window and pretended I was wiping my mouth. The blood was bitter and tainted, but intoxicating nonetheless. “Have you ever visited Cloudland?”
“A couple of times. I really don’t like it because all the girls go out of their way to kiss my ass so that they get on his good side. Plus they’re all spaced out on peace and love and that type of crap. Plus whatever he’s putting in the punch bowl. It’s just wrong.”
“ Would he be opposed to you bringing your boyfriend down to meet him?”
“ At Cloudland?”
“ Yeah.”
“ It would probably throw him off, but I’m pretty sure he’d be okay with it. Especially if we just popped in.”
“ All right.” I said. “Are you up for it?”
“ You’re serious?”
“ As a corpse.” I pulled into the school parking lot, feeling a slight rush from more than just the blood. When I feed, I take on some of the victim. It’s one of the unfortunate side effects of my lifestyle, and in this case, the victim had definitely been on speed.
“ But I didn’t do this to date you,” she said, running her eyes over me as if maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
“ I’m not saying we’ll be dating for real. But we will need to pull it off around your family a couple of times before we go out and meet Dad. Your dad will be less suspicious of me if he thinks I’m just a goofy eighteen-year-old trying to get into his daughter’s pants.”
“ You’re not a goofy eighteen-year-old? And you don’t want in my pants?”
“ Oh, I’m goofy. Let’s just leave it at that.”
She was looking at me curiously as I took out a piece of paper from my glove compartment and wrote my number down for her. I was used to people looking at me curiously, but it always made me nervous—like I was an insect they wanted to swat with a newspaper, or maybe a snake to trap behind glass. I gave her my cell number and she looked at it, and then promptly snorted with laughter.
“Why does it say ‘Wal-Mart’ above it?”
“ Because it’s better—and safer—than writing ‘Spider for Hire.’”
She snorted again. “But Wal-Mart? That’s so lame.”
“Not any lamer than being named Parker.”
“ Jerk,” she said and slapped my arm.
“ Well, if we’re dating, I’d better drive you home, so your dad can look out
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